DRAGON CITY JOURNAL SPECIAL EMAILS
REPLACING PALIN (9.29.2008)
The staff a DCJ recently conducted a survey. While all agreed that there is a good chance John McCain will dump Sarah Palin as his VP (for his “October Surprise”), we are not agreed on how this will be done (other than it will be portrayed as Palin’s “choice”) and who his replacement choice will be. So DCJ is conducting a little survey.
Palin’s “excuse” for leaving the ticket will be that she, regretfully, must resign and return home to Alaska because:
1. She is pregnant, again (with a child to be named “Calc”)
2. Dick Cheney has challenged her to VP moose hunting shoot out from which she is unlikely to return
3. She needs to lobby for the “Bridge to Vladivostok.”
4. She believes that she has become possessed by Katie Couric and her Assemblies of God pastor needs to exorcise her.
5. She needed to get back to Alaska to accept her “Distinguished Alumna” award from South Moose-Igloo State Junior College,.
6. Other _______________________________
McCain will replace Palin with:
1. Mitt Romney (who will soil his Mormon underwear from the excitement)
2. Rudy Guiliani (who will soil his women’s underwear if Romney is chosen)
3. Joe Leiberman, (who is prepared because he wears a Depends body suit)
4. Mike Huckabee (who doesn’t wear underwear because Jesus didn’t)
6. Some other ridiculous choice _______________________________________________
Send in your vote: Excuse: ____________; Replacement: __________________________
911 VERSION 2.0 (9.24.2008)
Be afraid! Be Really Afraid! Again!
Here we go again, folks. The Bush Administration wants you to be so afraid you’ll be so busy changing your underwear you won’t even have time to email your senator to object to getting screwed by Mr. Screw-Up yet one more time. This time it will be the mother of all bailouts for his friends on Wall Street.
This is the administration that can’t account for what happened to over $20Billion that went into Iraq in cash (and that’s not counting the money they used to bribe Sunni sheiks to throw out Al Qaeda and make it look like the “surge” is working.) Now they want to make Paulsen another Bremer, give him $700,000,000,000 to $1,000,000,000,000 taxpayer dollars with no congressional or judicial—or any other oversight! They de-regged the system, and now they want to fully de-reg it and give the very same people who caused the meltdown our money. You can’t fault them for audacity.
This time it wasn’t Osama bin Ladin attacking the financial gonads of America by bringing down the WTC; it’s America eating its own guts out. It’s 911/2.0! And there are still some idiot Americans that want McCain (who admits he doesn’t understand economics) in charge, and Palin (who understands mooseburgers, pregnant teenagers, and “God’s plan”) a heartbeat away.
Changer your knickers and write your Senator and Congressperson. Tell them you are “mad as hell and you are not going to pay your taxes if they approve this bailout.” Tell them that if the damned Republicans are so involved with their pious, Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists why the hell don’t they just get them all form a prayer circle and pray for the restoration of America’s financial system, our integrity, our reputation, our good sense—or the final repose of all of them.
Think you’re afraid now? Think “President Palin.”
Kim Jong Ill [9.13.2008]
The Great Hair-Sprayed Dictator of North Korea, Kim Jong-il did not show up
at some the usual festivities that are held there ( some marching military
drone show that he seems to enjoy). Word out is that the “Dear Leader” had
a stroke. DCJ is concerned that he might not survive to continue one of the
most brutal, repressive regimes to make the Bush administration into even
greater fools than they are. So we propose one of those Internet chain letters
to the “Dear Leader,” who happens to be the only person in North
Korea who is allowed an Internet connection. You can copy this one to send
to him, adding whatever personal praise and good wishes you think he merits.
Dear (of course) Leader,
We’re so sorry that you are ill (forgive the pun). It is not our manner
to wish anyone misfortune in their health. But let’s face it— you
have been a sick little bastard long before you stroke. It’s hard to
dredge up much sympathy for a self-aggrandizing little turd that has kept the
people of North Korea imprisoned in a hyper-Stalinist gulag of slow death of
their bodies and minds.
No doubt “your people” are demonstrating their concern and well-wishes
for “Your Dearness.” This will perhaps lift your spirits so you
can recover to continue oppressing and starving them. I’m just writing
this to inform you that, like me, they’re faking it.
We wish you all that you deserve,
DCJ
IT’S
BLOWBACK TIME
One day Dick Cheney shoots a major Republican fund raiser but fails to kill
him (the Viet Cong didn’t gain much by Dick’s 5 deferments). Then
Georgie Bush shoots his own foot off by blessing a country that recognized
the Taliban and supplied a couple of 9-11 crashers to administer six of our
scarcely-protected ports. After a three years of invoking the fear factor
with barely-concealed demonizing of Arabs and Muslims, suddenly Bush tells
the country the equivalent that he’ll let them date his daughters. And
yesterday the great Poohbah-Prolixer, His Royal Republican Obtuseness, William
(as Lily Thomlin used to say) F’Buckley, summarized in his National
Review Online of the Bush war in Iraq: “It Didn’t Work.”
Reading Buckley is always like spooning frozen peanut butter, but this one
is definitely worth the effort (it will stick to the roof of your mouth for
a few days, too). Usually, when the rats are first in the water the ship is
about to go down, and even Tom DeLay jumped in this week. The Democrats of
disarray can’t seem to do these guys much damage; so maybe the best
thing to do is just get out of the way and let them form up into a circular
firing squad.
Here’s F’Buckley: (http://www.nationalreview.com/buckley/buckley200602241451.asp)
to go to the original:
It Didn't Work By William F. Buckley The National Review
Friday 24 February 2006
I can tell you the main reason behind all our woes - it is America."
The New York Times reporter is quoting the complaint of a clothing merchant
in a Sunni stronghold in Iraq. "Everything that is going on between Sunni
and Shiites, the troublemaker in the middle is America."
One can't doubt that the American objective in Iraq has failed. The same edition
of the paper quotes a fellow of the American Enterprise Institute. Mr. Reuel
Marc Gerecht backed the American intervention. He now speaks of the bombing
of the especially sacred Shiite mosque in Samara and what that has precipitated
in the way of revenge. He concludes that "The bombing has completely
demolished" what was being attempted - to bring Sunnis into the defense
and interior ministries.
Our mission has failed because Iraqi animosities have proved uncontainable
by an invading army of 130,000 Americans. The great human reserves that call
for civil life haven't proved strong enough. No doubt they are latently there,
but they have not been able to contend against the ice men who move about
in the shadows with bombs and grenades and pistols.
The Iraqis we hear about are first indignant, and then infuriated, that Americans
aren't on the scene to protect them and to punish the aggressors. And so they
join the clothing merchant who says that everything is the fault of the Americans.
The Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, elucidates on the complaint against
Americans. It is not only that the invaders are American, it is that they
are "Zionists." It would not be surprising to learn from an anonymously
cited American soldier that he can understand why Saddam Hussein was needed
to keep the Sunnis and the Shiites from each others' throats.
A problem for American policymakers - for President Bush, ultimately - is
to cope with the postulates and decide how to proceed.
One of these postulates, from the beginning, was that the Iraqi people, whatever
their tribal differences, would suspend internal divisions in order to get
on with life in a political structure that guaranteed them religious freedom.
The accompanying postulate was that the invading American army would succeed
in training Iraqi soldiers and policymkers to cope with insurgents bent on
violence.
This last did not happen. And the administration has, now, to cope with failure.
It can defend itself historically, standing by the inherent reasonableness
of the postulates. After all, they govern our policies in Latin America, in
Africa, and in much of Asia. The failure in Iraq does not force us to generalize
that violence and antidemocratic movements always prevail. It does call on
us to adjust to the question, What do we do when we see that the postulates
do not prevail - in the absence of interventionist measures (we used these
against Hirohito and Hitler) which we simply are not prepared to take? It
is healthier for the disillusioned American to concede that in one theater
in the Mideast, the postulates didn't work. The alternative would be to abandon
the postulates. To do that would be to register a kind of philosophical despair.
The killer insurgents are not entitled to blow up the shrine of American idealism.
Mr. Bush has a very difficult internal problem here because to make the kind
of concession that is strategically appropriate requires a mitigation of policies
he has several times affirmed in high-flown pronouncements. His challenge
is to persuade himself that he can submit to a historical reality without
forswearing basic commitments in foreign policy.
He will certainly face the current development as military leaders are expected
to do: They are called upon to acknowledge a tactical setback, but to insist
on the survival of strategic policies.
Yes, but within their own counsels, different plans have to be made. And the
kernel here is the acknowledgment of defeat.
[Now that F'Buckley has learned something about politics, he needs to learn
how to write a straightforward sentence.]
DAN THE QUAYLE 2.17.2005
The Indiana "Bush-Quayle" appears once every 4 years and makes a
quick run for the presidency and then drops out of sight.
3.19.2006
Dear
Subscribers,
Unless you have been badly hung over from St. Patrick's Day you know that
this weekend has been the 3rd anniversary of the beginning of Bush's war on
Iraq (a.k.a. erroneously known as the War on Terror). There have been many
demonstrations against this war, but as usual, the nonsense about dissent
being unpatriotic and giving "aid and comfort to the enemy" has
been trotted out by the by the usual suspects who want to divert the criticism
that is really directed at them to being against the troops.
I have been ruminating on a way in which we can show that dissent to be directly
aimed at the idiot that started this whole thing. Hence I have conceived of
an inexpensive way of registering that dissent so that you-know-who gets the
message. As you will recall, that person once had a major problem ingesting
a pretzel. So I have asked my Asian correspondent, Ba feng-gu, to lead off
with a missive that any of us might emulate. I hope that you will be able
to download and open his attachment below.
P.S.
Do not send those good, big New York City soft pretzels. He doesn't deserve
them.