Ever since Caligula, men and food have been a dangerous combination.

The Department of Justice issued a warning to food manufacturers today: stop making guys look stupid in your commercials.

Acting under the pressure of an advertising watchdog group, Men for the Fair Portrayal of Men and Food, the DoJ warned food manufacturers to stop making commercials that depict men and food.

Batholomew Gigot, a spokesmen for MFPMF, stated: “In virtually every commercial that depicts men and food, the men invariably look stupid.” He cited AM-PM, Dolly Madison doughnuts, Carl’s Jr., and Doritos as some of the prime offenders. “Men in commercials with food talk like children, act stupid, and cannot control themselves in the presence of women.”

The DoJ confirmed its own conclusions that women are always portrayed as either the objects of men’s drooling lust, or as emotionally cold fish. “Take the AM-PM commercial, where the man is sitting on the curb drinking a soda and eating an ice cream. He’s oblivious to the fact that he’s making a pig of himself, and cannot adequately answer his girlfriend who appears out of nowhere. She derides him for getting tired “after three blocks”, to quote the commercial. It is plainly obvious that while the man is a retard, the woman is ridiculing his masculinity and will probably leave him for another man who can satisfy her wanton appetites.”

A spokesman for the food industry denied the allegations. “Food commercials are intended to be fun, not too difficult to digest, so to speak. We don’t set out to target any one segment of the population. Our focus groups have proved that people who watch television don’t want to think too much.”

Mr Gigot dismissed that idea outright. “What these commercials show is a shocking, nee, disturbing view of the general viewing public. Men are always dumb, women, if they are in the commercials, act uptight. I believe the trend started with beer commercials, all of which depicted males as morons on two legs.”

However the debate is waged, the DoJ promised to keep an eagle’s eye over the development of future commercials with food and men.