HOUSTON, TX | Former President Bill Clinton was named as the chief suspect in the burgeoning NASA investigation into the space shuttle tragedy that claimed the lives of seven astronauts on 1 Feb.

Columbia, the oldest of NASA’s fleet, broke up over Texas on its way to a landing in Florida. The shuttle apparently exploded shortly after re-entry, spreading debris over wide areas of northern Texas, including an area in Louisiana. Mission Control in Houston reported no indication of problems on the shuttle’s descent before completely losing contact with the crew.

Radio talk-shows were already bringing up the specter of Clinton with special weekend editions devoted to the tragedy. One staffer noted, “Clinton has raked up more destruction on the American people. It probably goes beyond the murder of Vince Foster, which the investigative power of the Reverend Jerry Falwell uncovered. It’s obvious Clinton’s weak economic policies, that were designed to advance the homosexual agenda in this country, led to the shuttles being so old and vulnerable to destruction.”

An anonymous NASA source concurred: “Under Clinton, our space shuttles were allowed to become old and rickety. It was only a matter of time before tragedy struck, and Clinton’s slashing and burning of our always modest bugets was just a disaster waiting to happen. Well, either he should turn himself in, or Congress should have him arrested on seven counts of murder.”

Another anonymous source in the State Department added: “Clinton’s appetite for destruction is just about as voracious as his appetite for blowjobs. Once again, America is caught off her guard. The embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania, Bali, and the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks. He left us unprepared and underfunded for everything. I thank Jesus Christ that under Bush, our military in two years has gone from a ragtag group of misfits and loons into the honed, super-military force it is today. We’re completely capable of fighting Iraq, North Korea and any other evil-doing nation that the White House tells us to go after. No thanks to you, Bill!”

The White House and NASA had no official comment.