The destination: Yosemite National Park
Travel time: Seven hours (one way)
Pit stops: 2
The accommodations: A rented cabin holding a total of 10 relatives and no TV
The topics of discussion: Who died, who’s sick, what relatives are having “problems”, arthritis issues, inner-ear eczema, failing eyesight, hearing loss, non-cancerous skin growths, hair loss, drug allergies, doctor recommendations, shingles, surgeries, fungal infections, and why was I not married yet?

For three straight days these conversations took place. The constant chatterings of old people filled what should have been the soothing, relaxing sounds of Yosemite with bleak, condescending, bitter recollections of long-lost youth.

If ever there was a time and reason to drink, this was it.

The lesson here, kids, is to never go on an extended trip with relatives whom you haven’t seen in many years. It can only lead to frustration, turmoil, and gripping deep-seated depression. If you must partake in a trip such as this…and I mean you “must go or your father and I will disown you”, I strongly suggest packing vast quantities of Wild Turkey and Coke.

Oh…I almost forgot…the wedding was very touching. My sister looked amazing in her dress, and my new brother-in-law (I’m still not used to saying that) looked handsome yet nervous throughout the entire wedding. I did my best to talk him out of it, but it was to no avail ;-) The knot was tied, and the after-dinner was a haze of gourmet food and strong drink. A nicer wedding it could not have been...