WHOMP! WOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP!

I heard it coming up hard, fast, and to my left. An unloved, weather-worn Nissan Sentra vaulted passed me in the fast lane at an unhinged 95+ miles per hour. Swerving and rudderless, the driver repeatedly clipped the lane divider reflectors on his right, over-correct his direction, then immediately found himself grazing the reflectors to his left, narrowly missing the concrete dividing wall that serves to separate the lunatics on the northbound side from the crazies on the southbound.

WHOMP! WOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP!

I could picture the driver desperately trying to sober his way though the spinning haze of a Friday afternoon happy hour bender, screaming his way down this early AM eight-lane highway in a rabid bid to get home before he misses the latest installment of American Idol. “He’s going to crash,” I exhaled through clenched teeth as I watched his one good taillight slowly recede into the distance as he careened madly into the dark distance.

WHOMP! WOMP! WHOMP! WH………

Swinging drunkenly back and forth, his taillight grew smaller as the distance between it and I steadily increased. Less than a quarter of a mile ahead a spark flashed brilliantly against the starless city night. This spark quickly grew into a large, pulsing ball of light as the Nissan ground itself against the dividing wall. For a harrowing 200 feet the Nissan followed the subtle arc of the wall, throwing off sparks and foul smelling smoke. It eventually hit a gap in the wall which caused the car to break free of it's grinding death slide and spin wildly in the number one lane, completing several rotations before slamming windshield-first back into the concrete barrier. As I slowly passed by the now silent and most assuredly destroyed Nissan, bits of metal and plastic still spinning on the road, I could see the driver angrily screaming and punching at his dashboard with clenched fists. “Stupid, drunk bastard,” I thought to myself as I pushed down on the accelerator and eased myself into the now empty fast lane, intent on not missing the 2am American Idol repeat, fear and common sense be damned…