Will Tyre

Who or What is Will Tyre?

Just a pen name, really. Always wanted one. I dig anonymity. It's just the first and last four letters of my name, which is located elsewhere on here if you are one of the few people coming here who isn't related to me or I have not bribed. I know what you're thinking, and yes, it is a very clever play on words. I might be biased, though.

As an historical aside, Tyre is an ancient Phoenician city that is now part of southern Lebanon. Nebuchadnezzar laid seige to it for 13 years in the sixth century B.C., although it managed to hold until Alexander the Great pumelled it into nonexistence around 300 B.C., thereby fulfilling Biblical prophecy because God was somehow mad. You learn something everyday.

What I Think (The Page of Lists)

  1. It'd be cool if the world listened to the thoughts in my head
  2. Consumerism is death
  3. Consumerism makes cool things
  4. So does fascism
  5. I am typing nonsense
  6. Maybe people don't vote because voting doesn't matter
  7. Not because representation doesn't matter but because politics doesn't matter
  8. Kind of like high school government
  9. A lot of busy talk to get people involved so they feel like part of a process or proceedings
  10. Maybe that's a bit of a jaded POV
  11. You think?
  12. It'd be cooler if I ignored the thoughts in my head
  13. That's good advice for you, too
  14. As if they matter
  15. The thoughts, I mean
  16. It's all about control
  17. It's also about growth and hard work and making things happen and being successful
  18. I want to be optimistic because I'm a dreamer
  19. Reality likes to slap the taste out of my mouth on that one
  20. My brain is empty

Taking Applications

I'm still looking for a special lady. Preferably one with a job. Well, one who wants to have a career. And has no problem with letting me be Mr. Mom. I can cook and clean and all that. Yup, a real catch. Ladies, hurry on up while supply lasts. The short list of what I'm looking for (in no particular order):

  1. Hot
  2. Smart
  3. Funny
  4. Moronic
  5. Independent
  6. Strong like bull
  7. Self-aware
  8. Sarcastic
  9. Loaded with common sense
  10. Courteous
  11. Kind-hearted
  12. Mean
  13. Compassionate
  14. Optimistic
  15. Pessimistic
  16. Realistic
  17. Patient
  18. Eclectic
  19. Introspective
  20. Antsy
  21. Honest
  22. Loyal
  23. Trustworthy
  24. Good judge of character
  25. Strange

There you go. Rough estimate. I think I once tried to pretend that I don't have a girlfriend not because I'm completely out of my mind or my lack of ambition isn't a huge turn-off, but because of some random standards. And that their lack was non-negotiable. A friend once offered me some advice about looking for love by comparing it with the purchase of a home. You go in wanting certain things, like a pool, a deck, a basement, 2 bathrooms, maybe a home theater. Out of that long list of what you want, if you get two of them, you buy the house. I thought that was the most asinine analogy I'd ever heard and said as much (might have imagined that). Sure you can settle on a house, because you could always throw an addition on. But what kind of a scumbag would shortchange love? That said, as a shallow man, I might be able to overlook every single one of these for a maniacal hot nympho, but until there's a reason to not look for introspection in a person, I'll continue to do so.

Resume

Like anything on this site will help me get a job. This cover letter never helped. But maybe it's not so tacky. And a brother's gotta eat.