Recovering the Satellites
So, I'm hanging out alone. Torturing myself with
cheesy pop songs and repeat viewings of "SAY ANYTHING". I think video stores in
L.A. are conspiring against me. I've been to several to find a copy of "NOTTING
HILL". That's the one I can really torture myself with. Every copy is checked
out. Trust me when I say, the search
will
continue.
I don't want to be at my
shitty soul-sucking day job right now. Although I don't know why I care. Aside
from spurts of pain I can't feel anything and I'm pretty sure my soul is already
on life support.
All of my friends
think I'm nuts. That I'm just obsessing about Danielle because she's the "girl
of the moment". I disagree. They all tell me a barely know her. Some of them
think her whole "emotionally unavailable" bit was just a line to get rid of me.
They're probably right and I'm just a sucker. And they're also right in that I
don't know her very well at all. Time spent and mentioned in previous posts
being it. So, trying to separate what might be a pure projection on my part
from what I really,
actually
know about her based on conversations, not speculation, conjecture or hearsay, I
decide to make a list. Doing this, the list comes out at two full single-spaced
pages.
Considering that I've only
dated four girls since my divorce, the sheer number of items on this list comes
in second only to my ex-wife. The fact that I actually like and/or agree with
everything on her list has to mean something. Doesn't it? I mean other than
that I'm totally obsessing about a girl who has made it clear that she is
totally unavailable. At least to me. At least for
now.
I set an alarm on my cell phone to
call her in a few weeks. The only way I will ignore this alarm is if: A)
Somehow I'm not thinking about her anymore. B) I've met someone else -- someone
I'm even more excited about. C) She calls me before
then.
I figure C is
highly
unlikely. I actually figure A & B are pretty fucking unlikely too.
Although, I admit, this thing actually working out the way I want it to seems
the most unlikely of
all.
Shit.
Posted: Wed - July 21, 2004 at 02:16 PM