DOKTOR MILLENNIUM Oh my goodness! If you've ever seen his huge hot dog you know to be very afraid. It's not the length so much as the girth and density. Dok wins in the encased processed meat category by sheer poundage. If you see this man throwing hot dogs down a hallway - run quick! A LONG TIME AGO STUDIED: Improv and acting at Brave New Institute, Video at MCTC, Film at IFP, and my ass. FAMOUS ROLES: Gene Shalit in "Band Malpractice," Chauncey of "Howard & Chauncey," Chico of "Chico and Sal," Artie the abusive dad in "Don't Look Back," and Rick Wakeman in "Mix Tape Boy."
	DOC CHAMELEON Dr. C is a fun-loving nut who likes to have a good time! He's into partying and feeling great, and he's known for his in-your-face attitude and spunk. Plenty o' spunk! Careful, constant observation will reveal signs of his secret dark side, however. Researchers have spotted the Doc talking to his favorite stuffed animals, drinking bourbon, and "writing" in the relative seclusion of his dingy Uptown apartment. Statements have been filed with the proper federal authorities, rest assured. He is in league with "The Teenage Scientists," "Youth Hostile," and the elusive "Pine Marten Collective," and has been spotted frequenting public libraries. CURRENTLY STUDYING: Vibeology. (He already has a PhD in ass.) FAMOUS ROLES: Strawberry Jackson, Grad Wombish, Howard, and Sal. He was the fez guy, the squirtgun guy, the guitar playing guy, the crying teenager, and the old guy who got hit in the groin by a lightning bolt. He once played a French guy for Dok Millennium. He hopes to someday play a dandy fop.
	MAGGIE Maggie is a big-time TV producer who doesn't "eat meat" if you know what I mean. Here's a photo of Maggie proclaiming, "I'm Still the One!" CURRENTLY STUDYING: Improv at Brave New Institute, Dok's ass. FAMOUS ROLES: Scary Grandma in "I Told You Not to Tell Anyone," Hillary the little girl in "I Told You..." and "Don't Look Back," Chinese girl in "Chico and Sal," and Lou Reed in "Band Malpractice."
	LORIKA Why does this girl have a lemon in her mouth? Because Lori is willing to suck just about anything for comedy? Find the answers to questions other than these at Lori's real web site, www.lorikauniverse.com CURRENTLY STUDYING: Digital photography, Dok's ass. FAMOUS ROLES: Minnesota Mom in "Don't Look Back," Laughing Girl in "I Told You...," Evil Laughing Girl in "Chico and Sal," various girls in "Band Malpractice."
	SPACE WAITRESS Some folks say Spacey looks like she's 15, but she's only 11 so lay off her. Jesus Christ, what's your problem? Picking on a little girl like that. You sick fucks. CURRENTLY STUDYING: Flight manuals, Jonathan's ass. FAMOUS ROLES: Grandaughter in "I Told You...," Viking Warrior in "Chico and Sal," French girl in "Band Malpractice."