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Crossing the Border with a Dark Angel and The King of the World | |
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As you may have heard, I have been developing assorted ideas for television shows. My first serious try was an all-male version of Steel Magnolias that I wanted to call Steel Urinals. Since, however, I was never able to flesh that idea out enough beyond the title and general concept a variation of Burt Reynolds weekly atrocity Evening Shade, it died on the concept shelf. But then, I got caught up in the end-of-the-millennium religious fervor that swept TV. I also got caught up in crime reenactment TV shows like America's Most Wanted. This lead to a great idea that I thought was sellable: Touched by a Pedophile. Imagine ... every week, a troubled adult relives the horror of a childhood molestation with a shockingly graphic reenactment. But here's the religious part: it's going to be a priest (or other assorted clergy member) who is the pedophile. And trust me, after twelve years of Catholic schooling, I know dozens of stories; I could easily coast through two seasons without having to stretch for material. Such were my thoughts as Very Important Business took me to Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Imagine my dismay upon disembarking from the plane and encountering the longest customs line I'd ever seen. But then frustration turned to the excitement of potential when I saw, not too many folks ahead of me in line, James Cameron -- the arrogant S.O.B. whos directed several films I have no desire to see, including The Abyss and Titanic. I thought, if anyone can recognize crap that'll sell, it's sure to be him. Just as I was about to walk over and pitch Touched by a Pedophile (I was going to recast it as a major film vehicle for Leonardo DiCaprio), the authorities came and took him away; I think it was because he's Canadian and was being treated special, but I can't be sure. As I was noting that fact to myself, the woman ahead of me in line said, "You know, a plane from L.A. landed at the same time yours did. And James Cameron wasnt the only celebrity on it. Look over there." She pointed two lines over, but I had no idea at whom I was supposed to be covertly looking. Seeing my blank expression, she said, "There, that's DELLA REESE. And sure enough, there she was, an almost-diva with freakish hair who somehow made it big on a TV show that completes with any James Cameron film as the thing I'd least prefer to watch. She was hugging on a big ol' Duke Ellington look-alike -- even down to the fisherman's cap -- whom she was using as a sort of human disguise. She'd hug him from behind, obscuring as much as she could of her ample Reeseness. Suddenly, I realized that divine intervention was happening. I could pitch Touched by a Pedophile to her. After all, she -- at the time -- played an angel who touched weekly. I was sure she'd understand. Then -- wouldn't you know it? -- the customs officials suddenly opened four more lines and I was through the gate within one minute. Damn that Canadian niceness! As I walked through the concourse, I noticed a driver holding a sign that said, "Delareece." I was almost going to run my idea past him to run past Della, but I figured he might try to grab my rightful spotlight. But as I've discovered many times in the past, everything will come to them that wait ... including the chance to pitch a sure-fire hit to them that can get it in development. (circa 1998) |
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