Summertime Vortex at the Oom Palace
Baron Olie
P. Sylvester III
There are many strange things
in this world. There's the Platypus, the Madagascan Hissing
Cockroach, the Pink toe Tarantula, people who don't like
pipes, etc., etc. Just recently I happened upon one such
strange thing. It was someone who didn't like pipes. Ah,
but with a little whisper in the ear of one of my young
sons, that person within just moments was holding their
left shin and hopping around in a painful little dance. My
obedient if not like minded son and I side stepped the
dancing downer with a nearly simultaneous "Sorry, excuse
us." But on to my initial serious strange item that I've
discovered.
Recently, one of our distinguished listeners, a Mr. Nelson
Pidgeon of the SHPC fame, sent in a most wonderful
electronic correspondence asking about the obvious hiatus
in podcasts. I thought, "What pause? What hiatus is this
that he's asking about? Are we not on a schedule of every
few weeks?" It turns out that indeed, we were not. After
conducting some quick research, it was discovered that all
persons outside of the oompaul.com compound believed that
it had been "quite a few weeks" since the previous podcast,
while all within the compound believed the podcasts to be
on track. Something had gone awry. Immediately, I reached
for the telegraph and played a tune of Morse music to seven
of the scientists available on premises. Once they were all
in one room, I put forth the dilemma and set them to work
on finding the problem. I suspected the worst. Possibly one
of those ne'er-do-well anti smoking pro conniving party
stallers related to or employed by Moriarty had something
to do with the mess.
In what felt like Record time (Record time being very fast,
the island of Record is known for their naturally
caffeinated water,) all seven scientists called me into the
Rhodesian room (only Rhodesians are smoked here) for a
conclusion that proved to be nothing less than startling.
Directly above the oompaul.com compound there exists a time
vortex, which, through means of magnetism, has been holding
the compound in a delayed time field. This is nothing new
as I distinctly recall The Missus telling me last summer
that I was moving slower than normal. By all measurements,
predictions, micro and macro quantifications and tea leaf
readings, the oompaul.com compound, because of it's
location in Auburn, Georgia, will continue to experience
this slowed pace each summer, ending sometime in the Fall
once pumpkins are visible on at least one third of the
porches within a half mile area. Because of this, listeners
may notice a slightly slower pace to the release of
podcasts. Rest assured good listener, we are diligently
working on many fronts within the walls of oompaul.com and
have even attempted to speed up distribution of pumpkins to
the surrounding areas through various legislations.