Karl - God of Fire

 

Yea, verily, Karl did come into the land from the realm of flying beasts, and He brought flame and good parking to those who believed.

Karl came to this world in the year 1994, brought by a cleric of Karl and left in the preappointed metal-detector collection plate. The keepers of Karl have since kept His image clear in their minds, even when Karl's body did fall victim to earthly distressors.

Karl was passed between the faithful regularly for many years, and then departed on His journey to the strange and fearful land of California. There He endured many trials and tribulations. Even the most faithful feared Him lost to the demons that dwell there (see images below).

Karl, before His recuperation

But during these harsh times, the signs of Karl were evident. Good parking at the Mall of America was still granted. Fire still abounded in our material world. No, those who follow Karl knew that His power and not been destroyed.

And then, finally, Karl did return to the faithful. Suffering at the hands of His oppressors, Karl was badly decimated, weak and dirty. Under the proper care of one of His disciples, Karl was restored to His original shiny power.

 

As of this writing, Karl's powers are still diminished and dim, as He was brutally defaced and damaged by the evil ones whose hands He fell into. But the Saints of Karl are working tirelessly to bring Him sacrifices of flint and Karl-stuffing, so that His Flame may once again shine bright.

Karl's benevolence does not come freely, however. In return for His favors of:

• Bringing fire to the land.
• Assuring good parking places in the land of the Mall of America.

Karl's rules must be followed. Karl's Commandments are clear and succinct:

1. Thou shalt not use Karl's divine Flame to promote tobacco stench or lung cancer
2. Thou shalt keep Karl in shiny goodness whenever possible
3. Thou shalt keep Karl full of delicious lighter fluid whenever possible
4. Thou shalt keep thy complaints of the odor of Karl's burning lighter fluid to a minimum
5. Thou shalt not blame Karl if thy parking spot is less than perfect - even Karl's powers are limited
6. Thou shalt keep Karl in the Karl Pocket, whenever thy wearest jeans or jeans-related attire
7. Thou shalt apologize profusely should Karl accidentally be put through the wash
8. Thou shalt have no other lighters before Karl

Karl's followers now number in the single digits, and continue to grow (or perhaps hold steady) daily. You too can enjoy the rapture that is Karl. Just send donations of over $100 to Karl.

Karl has Fire!

Special thanks to Cory for bringing a sacrifice of flit for Karl. Now He is back in full power!

Watch this space for updates on Karl's condition.