You see them lurking in chat rooms, making fun of those who like mainstream music. You see them on message boards, shamelessly promoting their favorite indie bands and projecting an elitist attitude toward everyone who doesn't like those bands. You even stumble upon their Livejournals sometimes, and after reading two or three entries, discover that they'd love to have you think that their lives are the most tragic things in existence. Yes, they are emo kids, and their proliferation of the internet is becoming more and more alarming each day; there is nothing we can do to stop the influx. So why not take the easy way out and become one? You'll be respected and even admired among your emo contemoporaries, but only if you follow a certain set of unspoken rules. Break any of them and you'll be called a "poseur" faster than you can come up with a screename that has too many X's. First, let's look at the basics: 

The Basics 


Follow these guidelines and you'll be well on your way to being the first emo kid on the block: 

1. Obtain a pair of black, thick-rimmed eyeglasses. Wear them at all times. Take multiple pictures of yourself wearing them with your webcam, and make sure to tilt them on your nose in a few of the pictures. Look as forlorn and desperate as possible in the pictures. If you know how, apply a few basic Photoshop filters to your images to give them an old, worn-out, decidedly "emo" look. 

2. Obtain a Livejournal at all costs. This requires you to get a "code" from a current Livejournal user. If necessary, beg, plead, and offer sexual favors. Once you've secured a code, get someone else to design your journal or steal a design from someone else. When choosing a username, make sure it alludes to self-mutilation and has lots of X's in it. 

3. Register an AIM screename. Again, it should optimally allude to self-mutilation and have multiple X's. Some examples: "x hidden scars" or "death x becomes x her." It is also acceptable to use the word "core" liberally in your name, such as "girl x core" or "loser x core." Once you've registered a screename, frequent the AIM chat rooms and talk about how much better your taste in music is than everyone else's. If someone mentions Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes/Desaparecidos, you MUST say "Conor is so hot. He rox my sox. RawR." 

4. Sexuality. If you aren't already, you must become bisexual or homosexual. Sorry folks, this rule is not negotiable. 

Congratulations! You're well on your way to becoming an emo kid.