Finding God in a Casino


Being depressed I found unexpected (miraculous?) comfort in a casino.

As a kid we'd travel through Las Vegas about every other year and it's there that I developed my complete hatred for Casinos. The buffet at Circus Circus was a regular tradition and I'm glad that we kept it up because it reinforced my conviction that casinos were a place where life was slowly drained by it's constituents. The hardest image for me was the old lady, holding a smoking cigarette, who was mechanically pulling on the one armed bandit. The thing that was haunting for me was the lack of expression as she did so. There wasn't any light in the eyes, only a look of resigned futility. No expression of hope. Blank. I imagined that she was on the last twenty dollars of her paycheck.

Hordes of people enter casinos and then never see each other. That's the whole point. It separates them, makes them face a slot machine, or a video poker game, but they are on their own. They win on their own, but mostly they lose on their own.

So this is a story of me finding God in a Casino and letting him fill my soul from a long week. It's important to understand that on my own I would never enter a casino. I don't understand it, so I'm writing from behind about something that I know happened, but not why or how.

Jenny, Alexina, and I were in Montana for two weeks, visited lots of friends, went to two family gatherings, never stayed in one place more than 4 nights, and drove 3,000 miles, so we were a bit tired. Then I was a counselor at a kids camp for a week in Nevada which added to my exhaustion. Camp ended friday morning, and friday afternoon some of the staff were invited to a barbecue to celebrate. Now I'm a fairly social guy, but do have limits, and camp had met and exceeded them, so I decided not to go. Jenny wanted to, so I dropped her off and then I went to get some time alone. I thought some chinese food and a movie sounded perfect (Spiderman II or Dodgeball). So I drove into town to go to a movie and grab some alone time.

As I drove into town I reflected on the similarity between empty calories in food and empty spiritual calories. I was headed for a night of empty spiritual calories. Not that I minded, I needed something light, but what struck me was the concept, that movies sort of move my spirit, but nothing like worship or time in the bible, or in those times when God really speaks to me. I think I ended up praying about being led to better spiritual food, but didn't really mean it because I was headed toward a movie. But then nothing sounded good to eat. I drove all over Elko, Nevada and couldn't find anything that I wanted to eat. Which is strange; I'm always hungry. So I decided to walk around. And my wanderings led me to the Boomstock, or Comtown, or some huge casino/hotel. And I was about to turn the other way when I really felt like I should go in. Which I don't think came from me. Especially because I was repulsed and didn't want to. But I really felt pulled toward the door, so in I went. And it was just as awful as I thought it would be.

I don't know what to say here, I hated what I saw. People addicted to losing their money in front of machines that are designed to make the transactions both cheaper and more impersonal. I kept asking God what I was doing there, what in the world. Then I sort of got resentful. I had wanted to chill out, get some space, do my own thing. And here I was in the worst place I could imagine. In a moky, noisy (with this non-human digital bleeping, and chirping), hazy, depressing, dim, dank, hole. And that's when I remembered that lots of people feel the same way about the neighborhood I live. They come to the Mission and revile it. Feel like it's dangerous and dirty and ugly. Which confuses me, I love it here. So I started asking myself the questions I use to lead people into discovering that God is alive and up to something in my neighborhood. I asked God to show me what he saw.

And that's when things began to change. First I counted all the people who were smiling. Out of over 40 people, only 3 people were smiling (I think that I caught them in a joke or something). Partly casinos are adult places and adults aren't supposed to spontaneously smile, especially when they are spending money. But also it's because I believe their souls hate what's happening. Anyway, they weren't smiling. Even a guy who had hit a jackpot and was filling cup after cup of quarters. He wasn't smiling. Not at all.

But in walking around looking at the people, I found myself realizing that God had spent a lot of time in the casino. It's the feeling I get whenever I walk past the guards at the Juvenile Hall in San Francisco. That spiritually, God's footsteps are heard in those halls on a daily basis (I think he goes to church on sundays). And I got the same sense. That he knew all of the waitresses, and dealers, and the regulars at that casino. I mean, I know that he knows everyone, but that he was used to that as a context. And just knowing that he was around, started to make me more interested in the place. So I wandered a bit further and stepped up to a craps game.

I'm not going to explain this, because I can't, but I was comforted by the interactions and community of the people who were at this game. They talked, and laughed and bet and won and lost and grumbled, and did what humans do. I only stayed about thirty minutes, and didn't place any bets. Mostly I tried to understand how the game worked. But in the midst of this I felt like I had opened a gift from God right there at the table. That he was filling my spirit with really nourishing spiritual calories that I still don't understand. All I know is that I went into that casino empty and came out full. That I found out that God isn't afraid of casinos, and in at least one, he's up to something (probably in more than just one). And that there is real joy in just being around where he's at work.

So there you have it. I'm not sure how it happened or why, or what it all means, but I am clear that it did happen. I wonder where else we'd find God at work if we weren't convinced he didn't work there?

Posted: Sat - July 24, 2004 at 07:53 AM        

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