The girls and I saw Pirates of the Caribbean. I went for three reasons: 1) do something fun with the kids; 2) luxuriate in Johnny Depp's performance; 3) check out Orlando Bloom's performance. So, what were the results?

1) The kids (my two daughters and a friend, all age 10) loved the movie. The length didn't bother them at all. They could understand more of what JD said than I could, found the skeletal pirates very creepy, and never got bored. A grand success for this goal.

2) Johnny Depp is, as everyone has been saying, amazing. He's sexy, smart, fearless, hilarious and romantic. Winona, why did you ever let him go? Goal achieved. I didn't luxuriate; I wallowed.

3) Orlando was, well, he makes a good elf. (Ouch!) Sorry, but he was really blah in this. But in his defense I will say it wasn't all his fault. His lines were all dull, upright, and predictable. And his introduction was a set-up for failure. He walks into this upper class home, clearly out of place, touches a light fixture and breaks it. I was immediately reminded of Michael York as D'Artagnon in The Three Musketeers (yes, I'm that old). So now, this is what I'm expecting: cute, well-meaning, romantic, but bumbling and inept. Is that what we get? No, we get a swordmaker who practices 4 hours a day. Orlando never does another clumsy thing. He rarely smiles and never looks like he's head-over-heels, love-of-my-life in love with Keira Knightly. Silly girl should have run off with JD; she would have had much more fun. So I would call this one a real disappointment.

It was worth going to see it, because I was generally entertained and I earned brownie points with the kids. But I won't go see it again.