Go back to diary index.
Go to my personal web pages.
Go to my public home pages. [opens in new window]
2007 July 27th Friday 06:31PDT
aspire to greatness
Tuesday July 24th i got a lot of extra sleep during the daytime. When i got out of bed in the mid-afternoon i had my usual coffee and some yogurt with fresh grapes. I swallowed all my scheduled handfuls of AIDS medications, and took five milligrams of cannabinoids (THC) which soon made me feel very stoned. Then i spent a couple hours getting ready for some serious sexercise. This mostly involved intimate time with my shower-shot until ablutions yielded an impeccably fuckably magically clean colon, and also involved covering my bed and furniture with old sheets and towels to allow for uninhibited lubricated frolicking.
Beginning with gentle warm-up exercises i slowly started relaxing the muscles of my body and stretching without too much exertion. Among my various dildos i selected the Purple Silicone (#39) as a lovely starter. I coated it with K-Y water-based lube and gently probed into my butthole, confirming perfect cleanliness. But after no more than a few dozen slippery strokes, i felt that i wanted to move right along to something bigger and more satisfying. So i affixed Shawn'sDong (#17) to the bottom of the bathtub with his strong suction-cup, slathered some Boy Butter over his surface, and squatted down onto him. With a few deep breaths i felt his roughly-textured surface penetrating deeper and deeper until i engulfed him all the way down to his balls. Then i humped up and down rapidly so he fucked me deliciously; within a minute or two i was bouncing so excitedly and with such force that Shawn'sDong actually caused squirts of piss to fling from my cock and run down the drain.
As enjoyable as Shawn's penetration was, i still seemed to greedily crave far more. It had been my intention to slowly spend a while "warming up" and taking my time as i progressed to a larger succession of ass-toys. But these plans quickly evaporated as my lust provoked me to hop right on bigger and better things. The Spelunker (#19) is a toy in my collection which had worn out and been replaced this month with an identical model. It's extremely long and very flexible, and i stuck it to the fiberglass wall of the shower with its suction-cup base, then held it firmly behind myself with both hands as i backed against it. After a few moments of pushing and shoving, i was able to pop its extremely wide head through my lubricated anus and i quickly slid seven or eight inches of its shaft into my colon. Bending forward slightly i held the side of the tub with both hands to brace myself in a leaning position, then i slammed my ass back and forth rapidly, quietly moaning with delight as the Spelunker fucked me merrily.
After a few minutes of deliciously deep spelunking in this position, i decided to return to the squatting pose, but in the middle of the bathroom floor rather than the tub. Spelunker's suction-cup stuck firmly to the tiles, and his great weight caused him to bend over all the way until the tip of his head also touched the floor. I dribbled more K-Y on him, positioned myself in a squat directly over him, and pushed his head firmly against my ass until it popped in. Breathing slowly and deliberately, i stuffed him farther and farther, until my anus was only an inch away from his scrotum! He's extremely long, and i was a little bit surprised with myself for being able to take him to such a depth. I inhaled a lungful of alkyl nitrite vapors from a small bottle of poppers, then began bouncing up and down with great force. The inverse-taper shape of Spelunker's shaft felt incredible as it drilled me so far inside. For several minutes i yanked my ass up and down at high speed until tiny sticky drops of pre-cum began to hang from the tip of my penis, and the muscles in my legs around my knees began to protest this intense exercise. Suddenly standing up all the way i yanked my ass off him entirely, and he flopped onto the floor, exquisitely clean and shiny with only a coating of lubricants on his surface. I was delighted to see this confirmation of my colon cleanliness to extreme depths, so i decided i would soon move my activities out of the bathroom and over to the bed in the northwest room.
Before leaving the bathroom, however, i conscientiously washed the Purple Silicone and Shawn'sDong with soap and hot water, then left them to dry. I tidied the bathroom, stopped to urinate in the toilet, and i was going to depart when i spontaneously changed my mind and felt that i wanted to hop on Bam, one of the most amazing devices in the world (#4 and #4). Bam's suction-cup is strong enough to hold him to any smooth surface, and there is a particular spot on the corner of the vanity by the sink where i like to position him. But first (butt first?) in order to get into this exact position, i have to stuff him all the way up my ass. I held him between my legs and pushed upward as he penetrated and stretched my anus nearly three inches wide, and i proceeded to engulf his entire shaft all the way to the balls so only his scrotum and suction-cup were protruding as i held him between my thighs. I turned my back to the vanity and scooted over the corner of the counter. In this exact position i stuck his suction-cup to the smooth surface.
Because of the height of the counter and the enormous size of Bam, i could not immediately stand squarely with all of my weight bearing down on him; but rather, it was necessary to lift myself on my tip-toes and lean forward a bit, because he was just so fucking huge and deep. I pressed my left hand against the wall to brace myself and reached my right hand behind my ass to grip Bam's base and ensure that he didn't slide away from his exact spot on the corner of the counter. I had to keep shifting my weight on my tip-toes, leaning this way and that, in order to perch on him thusly. After getting used to him in this spot for a minute, i was able to balance myself carefully while leaning slightly and utilize my hands to grab the little bottle of poppers. I unscrewed the cap carefully and held it below my nostrils, then slowly inhaled a lungful, held my breath, exhaled, inhaled another lungful, screwed the cap back on and put the bottle aside, and felt my pulse pounding loudly in my head as the room lurched dizzily and a warm flushed feeling spread from my face down my neck and across my chest.
As the vasodilation drugs worked their magic i found that i no longer had to strain on my tip-toes. An entire deep assfull of Bam was exactly what i needed to be the happiest boy in the universe. I settled my weight down and let my feet be positioned naturally flat against the floor. I stretched out my arm and put my left hand against the wall again to brace myself for some serious 'dancing' in that spot. I happily squeezed my testicles and pulled downward on my scrotum with my right hand as i closed my eyes and began lifting and lowering my body up and down Bam's shaft as fast as i could manage. It was quite a bit of effort for my feet to raise myself several inches and drop back down, over and over, and i continuously varied the angles at which i leaned and swayed. Bam stuffed my backside monstrously, making me feel such a satisfyingly crazy sensation of fullness, i never wanted this to end. For as long as the muscles in my legs and feet and lower back could manage, i yanked and heaved my weight to and fro, up and down. Every now and then i had to use my right hand to reach behind my ass and make sure that Bam's suction-cup didn't scoot away from its position at the perfect spot on the corner of the counter which was now slightly slippery with Boy Butter, K-Y, and perspiration.
I wished the muscles of my legs and feet could be stronger, so i could do this dance forever. Why does my rectum never tire? After an extensive amount of bouncing and dancing, my legs and back and arms and other body parts always eventually run out of energy and flexibility. But my ass never seems to do so. My ass always feels like it could go forever. "FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME!", it always demands, never wanting to stop, eternally. But as much as i try to fulfill its wishes, the rest of my body is not nearly so athletic.
So i knew i'd have to relent at some point, before allowing my feet and toes and lower back to become too strained. As i jacked my body up and down on Bam, he was so satisfying to my insides and i was humping with my eyes shut while imaginary visions of various sexual fantasies flowed through my mind. I let go of the wall and grabbed my scrotum with my left hand, pulling and yanking downward in a rhythm which matched each of my body's upward heaving motions. I squeezed my hard cock with my right hand in a similar rhythm as my heels lifted and then dropped back against the floor over and over. With some small part of my awareness i heard my own heavy breathing as it turned from hard exhalations into quiet groans, then grew slightly louder in that same rhythm as sudden peristaltic waves of muscle contractions caused me to spasm and tremble. I lost the rhythm involuntarily as i began ejaculating, and spurts of semen flew up in the air and landed across the floor, on my feet, on my ankles and calves, over the tiles. My groans had become very quiet cries which almost sounded to my ears as though there were something painful involved; but it was not pain, it was ecstasy, which sounds almost the same.
I opened my eyes as my heaving motions became much smaller and slower. Still dancing for another minute (but only a few millimeters) i relaxed my grip on my cock and balls and looked dumbfounded at the shiny jizz spattered all around my feet. I suddenly became aware of the sweat running all over my back, shoulders, and arms. I finally came to a stop, holding still as i was yet impaled on the mighty Bam. I laughed to myself because i found i could no longer tolerate standing with my feet flat against the floor, but i had to lift myself up on my toes again. After catching my breath for another minute, i found i couldn't stand this impalement any longer. I slid forward a few inches while sliding Bam over the corner of the vanity with one hand and leaning against the wall with the other. His suction-cup came free and i lurched forward a couple steps. I dropped into a low squatting position and let Bam stick to the floor, then lifted my body up in one swift motion and felt him suddenly yank out of my ass as i groaned involuntarily when he took my breath away.
He flopped over sideways and landed on the floor with a sticky smack, coated in lubricants and ass-cum, shining in the bright bathroom lights as i stood over him, adoring him, worshipping him in my mind. After another minute or two my breathing returned to normal and i gathered my wits. I spent a while washing the semen and lube off the floor, tidied up the bathroom, and then migrated my activity to the northwest room where the sun was shining brightly through the angled slats of the venetian blinds.
When i was younger and in better health, during my twenties (the 1990s) i often had days when i could cavort continuously as the hours flew by. But now that i'm middle-aged and admittedly in more of a state of AIDS-related decrepitude, it seems that i need considerable rest after each time i work up a sweat and get some exercise. So i casually relaxed for a while, enjoying some new music from The Acid Warriors as i puttered slowly about the apartment. On the previous Sunday July 22nd i had purchased their newest album, No Sex, But Lies and Audiotapes, and i enjoyed the trippy beats and ambience immensely on this Tuesday as the Cerwin-Vega speakers of the stereo surround system rumbled with the bass and twinkled with the treble. I decided to brew some more coffee, and was soon appreciating an energizing kick from the caffeine, and a couple more capsules of Marinol. I'm going to get a LOT more exercise today! i told myself with a smile.
I have a large smooth wooden plank which i wedged between the bed and the wall. I can affix my suction-cup dildos to this board at any desired height, so i stuck Bam about a foot above the bed and his weight caused him to droop down toward the sheets. On my hands and knees i backed up against him and reached behind myself to aim him directly into my eager ass. I pushed backwards until he penetrated me, then pulled a couple raunchy old pillows up underneath my stomach for support as i settled into a very comfortable position. With Bam firmly attached at the wall, i proceeded to yank my body forwards and backwards, fucking myself with the entire length of the massive rubber dildo while The Acid Warriors swirled and thumped around me.
Varying the pace and angle at which i thrust myself backwards on Bam, i exercised in this way as several songs played. It made me work up quite a sweat, and i paused now and then to wipe off my face with an old towel. At one point i settled my weight down against the pillows as i pushed my butt all the way down Bam's shaft until my ass-cheeks were at his base almost against the board and my chin was on the bed. I inhaled a big whiff from the bottle of poppers, put them aside, and closed my eyes. Almost without thinking, automatically and inexorably, my pelvis began rocking up and down an inch or two, and my body chose to mindlessly fuck itself on this most exquisite toy. All alone in my joyful dreamy world of sexual fantasies and intense bodily pleasure, i moved my body back and forth to the rhythm of the music and luxuriated in the overwhelming sensations of this fantastic fuck. Without thinking about it intentionally, i found myself moving gradually faster until i was out of sync with the music.
Pushing and pulling at an increasing pace while my face was pressed against the bed i heard my labored breathing as my head was turned so one cheek was on the sheets. Yanking and stuffing, harder and harder, i slammed my ass up and down my best friend Bam. Reaching under my crotch where my cock was dripping on the pillows, i began squeezing my genitals as Bam fucked my brains out. The song Beloved was dreamily flowing around the room when it was all suddenly just too much, and the day's second orgasm startled my eyes open. The familiar surroundings lurched and dizzily wobbled as pulsations of cum squirted onto the sheets and pillows and i felt muscle spasms all through my pelvic region, lower back, and upper legs. Finally slowing to a halt, i held that position, panting heavily, sweating, slightly stunned and head reeling. But i did not wish to remove myself from my perfect Bam impalement.
After a while the next song began to play and my breathing was returning to normal. I lifted myself up and forward, scooting my knees a few times until i was finally far enough away from the wall to allow Bam to slip all the way out of my ass. Then i collapsed sideways on the sheets and lied there, satisfied and completely relaxed. I listened happily to the music for a while, then finally got up off the bed. I used some paper towels to wipe off some lube, and went to the kitchen for a drink of water. Returning to the bed i sat down next to my toys again and pondered my next move.
I pulled the board up and out of its position at the wall and layed it flat on the bed. Then i stuck Spelunker to the middle of this plank and knelt over it. Without too much effort i worked the first five or six inches of the squeezable dildo into my ass, then i shifted my position. Lifting up one knee and then the other, i rose to a squatting pose with one foot on each side of the board. As i pumped my body up and down i fucked myself with most of the length of Spelunker while rubbing my dick and occasionally shifting my weight around to avoid straining any particular muscles in my back too much. The next music which began to play was the anthology Sunset Magnetic North (Cooler Perspectives) from Waveform Records. The deep ambient dub filled the room and my head with long wavelengths as i thrust my body up and down on Spelunker until i was taking him about ten inches deep inside myself.
Despite my tremendous lust, my body could not quite keep up with my desires, and i felt my legs and back growing tired from all the exercise. After a while i just couldn't continue this pace any more, so i lifted myself off my toy and pushed the board aside. I put the pillows against the wall and lied back in a lounging position. Smearing more Boy Butter on Bam and into my ass-crack, i stretched my legs out all the way as i began stuffing Bam into my insatiable asshole. When i had engulfed him all the way down to the balls i placed his base against the sheets between my thighs and my weight held him firmly in that spot. Outside our picture window the skies were colorful but growing darker as daylight slowly faded away.
Reclining luxuriously, i flexed my rectal muscles on Bam while i slowly squeezed my penis and scrotum. The song Mossman (Original Elongation) by Ekko was emanating from the five stereo speakers surrounding the room. As i fantasized about Shawn McFetridge, Josh, Tony, and other friends whom i love dearly, and blended these fantasies with thoughts of various pornstars whom i find quite attractive, i had my third orgasm Tuesday evening. Completely satisfied and rather physically tired, i continued to lie there with Bam all the way up my ass as i listened to the rest of the Cooler Perspectives.
Finally getting up again a while later, i washed Spelunker in the kitchen sink and left him on the shelf by the window to dry. I chose not to wash Bam yet because i imagined i might still play with him again soon. I donned my black jockstrap, then retrieved the Bronze Silicone Buttplug from the toybox (#38) and stuck it all the way up my ass. My office chair was covered with an old towel and i sat at my desk using my iMac while the Bronze kept a smile on my face. Although i'd intended to just check my e-mail and a few other things, i was very stoned and the time went flying by. I was quite surprised when i looked at the clock and saw that more than a couple hours had passed. Okay, break's over! I went back to the bed and removed the Silicone buttplug from my unstoppable hole.
The two-disc compilation Rising High Futurescape was playing as i returned to my buddy Bam. Particularly amusing to me are the eponymous song Electronic Dub (by Caspar Pound, Ingmar Koch, Laurence Elliott-Potter, and Cem Oral), and the ridiculously beautiful song Waveform by the Irresistible Force (MixMaster Morris). As the laughing trippy voice said:
What I like to do with acid is...
put it in my mouth...
and splash it around...
and...
chew it up... (hehehe)
and then... swallow it. Ha ha ha!
And then, and then once it's... once it's... once it's down there,
after it's, like, right over your tonsils and slithered down your throat,
it just stays warm inside your stomach for a long, long time...
...and I get off on it!
And then Terence McKenna said:
I'm into what's weird. I always have been. If that's what you like. This is your answer. I've really done it this time!
As the songs floated by, my daydreams drifted across constellations of people i've known and would like to know, and my mind filled with fantasies of imaginary people and creatures which seemed impossible but desirable nevertheless. I squatted and bounced on Bam, stuffing myself with him in different positions at a varying pace. Sometimes i would stop for a minute to catch my breath and just perch on him, enjoying six or seven inches of impalement. Many times i moved onto my knees and held him between my ankles as i was kneeling, leaning and swaying while he fucked my ass magically. The song Diamond Lil's by Friends, Lovers & Family was playing when i decided to lie the plank flat on the bed and stick Bam in its center. His suction-cup was strong enough to hold him firmly in that spot no matter how much i yanked my haunches up and down along his mighty thick shaft. Sweating profusely, groaning softly, masturbating and looking at the night sky, i flung myself as fast as i could manage until my knees and ankles were aching. Bouncing my body on Bam, he caused me to ejaculate yet again as the fourth orgasm forced a few small spurts of semen to run over my fingers and a low cry came from my throat. I pulled my whole body up off him and then sat down heavily next to the board.
Bam continued to stand there, proudly glistening and leaning slightly. A few gobs of white jizz and lube surrounded him. I admired him delightedly for a minute, then began toweling myself off. I removed Bam from the plank and pushed it aside, then leaned back against the pillows intending to rest just a little while longer. But i actually fell asleep, and my nap lasted perhaps an hour.
At this time of year the nights are extremely short here in the northern latitudes. Before the first hints of dawn were visible there were many birds and animals making noises when i awoke. Seals were barking near the shore of Bellingham Bay. The distinctive honking of geese came from somewhere near Boulevard Park. Gulls and crows were squawking and screeching at each other over the rooftops of North State Street, and some other birds were making funny warbling sounds that were somewhere between a cry and a whistle. I put some soft music on the stereo as i made a cup of tea and thought about more exercise. It was time to take some more medications, and i ate a few grapes while watching the daylight start to tint the sky before the sunrise.
Yet again i rolled around the bed and wrestled Bam with my butthole. Sometimes i would stuff him all the way up my ass, then shove the Bronze Silicone down my throat at the same time. I enjoyed cutting off my air with the Bronze, making myself choke and drool momentarily while my muscles jerked in peristaltic waves that seemed to run all the way up and down my body from my anus to my face. I loved the way the toys were making me flex and heave as i jammed them in and out of both ends. My legs and especially my knees were still rather tired from all the activity, and i wished i could be a bit more of an energetic superstar, but alas i am finite.
While i was kneeling and fucking myself with Bam, i thought perhaps it would be especially wicked fun to utilize my Sensory Deprivation Hood at the same time. This is an extremely complicated and scary sextoy, and it's not often that i feel capable of combining it with other activities, but i was particularly bold on this Wednesday morning. So i went to the east room and brought back the box containing the hood and other accessories, and sorted out a number of items along the side of the bed. When i had everything arranged and planned, i positioned the board in the middle of the bed, affixed Bam to the middle of the board, and knelt over him. I pushed my ass down onto him until he filled me all the way, then i squeezed the largest of the old pillows between my knees so i would be comfortable while leaning forward with my head down near the bed.
I wiped the grease off my hands then took a couple small foam earplugs out of the box. I pinched them between my fingers and rolled them tightly until they were small enough to squeeze into each of my ears. Soon i could hear nothing except the rhythmic flow of my own breath inside my own head. Next i took two moulded plastic dental guards, one for my upper teeth and one for the lower, and maneuvered them into position in my mouth. They fit precisely where they had been formed exactly to the shape of my teeth and jaws. I have an old raunchy handkerchief which is completely encrusted with my semen and saliva and folded into a small thick lump which i can just barely fit behind the dental guards where it presses my tongue down. This oral gear is enough to cut off any sound except perhaps a soft groan, and is probably rather dangerous to use in conjunction with a locking hood. But i am always a tiny bit thrilled by the danger.
The morning was growing lighter as i looked at the items around me on the bed. I made note of the four small padlocks, and carefully placed their four identical keys on the shelf next to the bed where they were just barely within reach. I would need to find them blindly by feel while wearing the hood. I carefully arranged three of them on the edge of the shelf, then decided to put one on a different shelf on the other side of the bed. Just in case anything unexpected happened and the first three were accidentally knocked on the floor out of reach, i wanted to be sure i could find another somewhere else. I sat my roll of three-inch wide ducttape at the corner of the bed behind my left side, and the little glass bottle of poppers near the right corner.
The sound of my breathing through my nostrils seemed muffled but sort of loud as it was the only noise in my head. Squirming and settling myself so i was absolutely as comfortable as possible on my Bam impalement, i picked up the hood and pulled the flap in the back so it was as widely open as possible. I took a final look around, then closed my eyes and took the plunge, pulling the leather over the top of my head and instantly appreciating the familiar smell. As always, it took a minute of tugging and fiddling to get it in exactly the right position, then i began tightening the laces which ran all the way down the back. As the thick padding pressed ever more firmly against my face i could feel the breath from my nostrils being channeled through the grommet in front of my lips. I tried experimentally to draw air through my mouth but the handkerchief and dental guards filled it too much to allow more than a tiny bit of wind to work through the corners of my lips. I certainly could not get sufficient air that way, and i knew (happily) that all respiration would thus be forced through my nose.
When i had worked the laces all the way down through the eyelets and pulled them to maximum constriction i tied them off in a bow with an extra foot or more leftover dangling behind my neck. At this point the hood was completely tight and snug to my head and no further fastening was necessary; but really the fun was just beginning. I rolled up the extra cordage around my fingertips and tucked it up under the back of the flap under the collar. Then i pulled the strap of the collar through its buckle and tugged it to the tightest notch i could manage, not tight enough to choke my throat but certainly tight enough to be a bit uncomfortable. The metal swing-arm of the buckle slipped through the notch, and it had a tiny metal loop on its tip through which i placed one of the padlocks. Because this strap on the collar covers the bottom of the flap there is no possible way to untie the laces without opening the collar first. But i would make that impossible with the padlock.
Suddenly feeling a moment of doubt (this happens often with this diabolically claustrophobic device) i had to reassure myself by reaching over to the shelf and resting my hand on the little keys there. Okay, i convinced myself, i can grab any of these quite quickly and undo the lock when i have to. So without further hesitation, i squeezed the tiny padlock shut and felt it snap closed. Ah. Now i'm fucking locked into this hood. My boner felt so good as i pushed it against the pillow.
The next strap ran over of the padding in front of my eyes, around the padding over my ears, and around the back of my head just above the collar. I pulled and yanked until the strap was all the way through its buckle to the very farthest notch. This puts considerable pressure on the spot over the bridge of my nose just below my forehead, and it totally seals the leather and padding such that there is no way for any air to leak in through the lacing at the top of the back of my head. I slipped a second padlock through the hole in the tip of the swing-arm of the buckle, and clicked it shut. The gear was compressing against my head and it was all so sweaty and forceful, and i loved it.
The final strap went through leather fasteners which positioned it under my chin, alongside my cheeks, and over the top of my head. It had adjustable buckles on both sides of my face, and i pulled the one on my right cheek through its buckle to the fifth notch, then locked it with the third padlock. Now the fourth and final buckle was somewhere over my left cheek. I tugged and yanked the strap, trying to figure out where the tightest possible unmovable position would be. It hurt a tiny bit as the skin under my jawbone was pinched by my forceful yanking. I finally pulled it into the utmost extreme tightness for the dimensions of my head and managed to pop the tip of the buckle's swing-arm through the notch. My fingers (and whole body) were trembling as i blindly found the fourth padlock and slid it into the buckle. I squeezed it shut and felt it click, then everything was suddenly focused in my mind underneath all the blackness.
I held still, kneeling, leaning forward with my head near the bed as the pillows supported under my chest and stomach. I was gripping the pillows between my knees and thighs, and Bam was at an angle all the way up my ass while my ankles were pressed against each side of his suction-cup on the hard wooden board. I adjusted one of the towels behind the base of Bam so the terrycloth was between my ankles and the wood, and that was slightly more comfortable. Listening to my breathing, i stretched my arms out across the sheets in front of me. Barely moving at all, self-consciously hearing each long inhale and exhale, i held this position for a while, worshipping Bam while i lost myself in my sweaty leather world of darkness and nothingness. There was naught to see except my fantasies. I heard nothing but air through my nostrils. I smelled only my own perspiration soaking the inside of the hood. I tasted the thick nasty handkerchief as it pressed my tongue down, swallowing stickily with considerable effort as my throat seemed ever-so-slightly dry. I couldn't make any sound louder than a faint wheeze. I was anchored to the board by ten or eleven inches of intense rubber up my ass. I was in paradise.
Although there was no sound except my own breathing, i began to imagine that i heard some kind of music. A rhythm was inside me, and it was composed of all my own bodily frequencies. My hearbeat, the pulse of blood through my veins, my lungs, the electricity in my brain-- everything was creating an imaginary song in my mind. My backside began to hump up and down a few millimeters at a time, and this provided the dominant rhythm. Gradually i increased the size of my pelvic thrusts until i was sliding up and down four or five inches of Bam's shaft at a time, always keeping him at least halfway engulfed in myself, occasionally pushing all the way down until i felt his scrotum underneath my own.
I don't know how long i continued in this bodily music, but eventually i paused. The handkerchief was gagging me totally so i couldn't make so much as a muffled groan, and it made my tongue feel very dry as i kept trying to swallow. I knew it was seriously dangerous to wear this locking hood while something could potentially block my throat, but i guess that danger is always just one small part of the excitement for me. Although this was a 'sensory-deprivation' experience, it was also an extremely intense situation in some sensory-stimulating ways. Certainly my ass was screamingly full of excitement.
I sat up as tall as i could, but the impalement of Bam kept me from completely straightening my back. I carefully felt around the corner of the bed behind my right side and blindly found the poppers. I swallowed a couple times and wondered whether it might be a mistake to inhale those chemical vapors because they might make my throat even more constricted. Fuck it, i'm a crazy fucker and i'm gonna do it. I unscrewed the cap and held the bottle up against the grommet through which i received my only air. Immediately the stench was overwhelming and my head felt sort of stuffy and dizzy as the nitrites caused a bit of a stinging sensation in my nostrils and over my lips. I took a huge deep lungful and held my breath, then exhaled very slowly. I took in another great lungful of poppers, held my breath until i could hear nothing but the incredibly loud pounding of my pulse knocking in my head, then exhaled.
I felt my weight shifting as my ass-muscles squirmed very slightly and i settled even farther down Bam. I was pressing down so hard i could feel his scrotum base pushing firmly against my perineum, and my ass-cheeks were so close to the towel-covered wooden plank i could feel them with the sides of my big toes. I held the poppers against the grommet and slowly sucked a third lungful through my nostrils. As i held my breath and screwed the cap shut the back of my tongue felt very sticky and dry in my throat, and i worried that i couldn't swallow properly any more. I put the bottle of poppers aside on the bed at arm's length. I held my breath so long i could feel myself swaying slightly with dizziness. When i imagined i absolutely could not contain it any longer, i started to let some wind wheeze back out of my lungs. But i pressed my right index finger up against the grommet, sealing it tightly, and almost no air could escape the hood at all. I felt some leaking somewhere around the collar and it was sort of cool as a tiny bit flowed over my neck, but it took at least ten or fifteen seconds to empty my lungs.
I let go and leaned forward until my face was down against the sheets and my erect cock was pressed very hard against the pillow between my knees. As i allowed myself to breathe through the little grommet i began moving my ass up and down again, finding that internal rhythm once more. Pushing and yanking, my ass slid up and down Bam's shaft, fucking myself so hard i could feel the wet sticky drops of seminal fluids leaking out of the tip of my penis against my thighs. Reaching under my crotch with both hands i pushed the pillows forward slightly so i had room to masturbate. I squeezed my balls viciously with my left hand while stroking my boner with my right. Inexorably my ass humped and slammed. I wanted to cry out, to shout, or even just to moan, but not a sound could come out of my head except the labored hiss of air through my nostrils.
As i pounded myself silly with my favorite dildo and heaved my sweaty body back and forth, fantasies came to me in the darkness. I was thinking about my friend Josh who also has played with this exact sort of hood, and i was concentrating on the memory of a photo he'd shown me in which he was wearing the hood and a spandex body-suit while he rubbed his horny erection under the tight fabric. At the same time i was imagining my friend Shawn who'd been dead for five years. I was thinking about how i'd never seen Shawn take any dildos up his ass larger than the size of an actual penis, but in my fantasies i would just adore the opportunity to shove something huge into him. In my impossible daydreams Shawn was bent over and moaning and crying and ejaculating as i slammed Bam all the way in and out of his ass. In reality i was slamming Bam nearly all the way in and out of myself. My body was trying desperately to pant with this exertion, but the restriction of air made this impossible and i was forced to breathe at a particular pace no matter how wickedly Bam fucked me.
I suddenly stopped my motions and held still for a few seconds. Now was the time to bring this whole situation to fruition, and i had a very specific method. I felt behind my left side to the roll of wide ducttape at the corner of the bed. I pulled up an inch off the roll and folded it underneath itself, creating a small smooth tab that wouldn't stick to anything. Then i pulled the tape until i had six or seven inches and held it up near my face, checking the size to see how well it matched the padded leather from cheek to cheek. When i had precisely the amount i desired i tore it off the roll. The noise of the tape ripping away was loud enough for me to hear it very faintly despite the earplugs and padding. I put the roll back away toward the corner of the bed and very conscientiously held my rectangular piece of ducttape up in front of my face.
The surface of the leather hood is somewhat smooth except for that one area. The region around the breathing-grommet is roughened because of all the times i've stuck tape on it. I arranged the rectangular piece of tape into exactly the position i desired, and stuck just the left edge against the side of my cheek. The right end of the tape had its little 'safety-flap', and i left the whole piece dangling away from my face so it wasn't covering the grommet-- yet. In the darkness i ran my fingers over the bed and found the bottle of poppers, then carefully unscrewed the cap as i held it near my face, trying not to get the sticky tape on it. I pressed the bottle up near the grommet and took a deep lungful, then screwed the cap shut while i held my breath. My head was pounding ferociously as i put the bottle aside and then felt the edges of the piece of tape with my fingertips.
As slowly as i could possibly manage, using all my willpower, i exhaled for a long time until it seemed i could push no more air out of my lungs. Then with a quick deft practised move, i pulled the piece of ducttape until it stretched over the padding in front of my mouth and i pressed it down against the grommet and rubbed my hands quickly back and forth across that region of my face. It was totally smoothed down to the leather and completely sealed the grommet. Now i tried to inhale with all my might, but barely the tiniest wheeze of air seeped in somewhere from around underneath the tight collar. The padding and straps were so fucking tight, it seemed like at least ten or twelve seconds were needed to get just a bit of air in my lungs.
The suction was causing the leather to press very tightly up against my nose, blocking my nostrils. I struggled and shivered, but i could not get much air to move in nor out. I tried to exhale forcefully, and this made some of the hood puff above my cheeks, but it took about ten seconds to push most of the air out. I began squeezing my cock and balls again, and i was flinging my ass up and down Bam's length, but it seemed so hard to exert myself physically when i had almost no air. The muscles in my chest ached as i tried mightily to inhale, but there was no way to speed the passage of air into the hood and into my nostrils which were covered tightly by the leather sucked against them. I was dizzy and frightened and crazy and deleriously happy and panicky and joyfully imagining an incarnation of Shawn who held me here, fucking me and choking me and squeezing the life out of me as he jammed the monster dildo up my ass and the nasty gag down my throat. I struggled and heaved as oxygen ran out, flinging myself up and down my dildo with the most sincerity i could possibly feel.
I suddenly had a mental image of a sponge being wrung out forcefully, and i felt the fifth orgasm being wrung out of my body. The imaginary squeezing was crushing every last drop of fluid out of that sponge; the actual masturbation and mind-boggling ass-fucking and astonishingly crazy head-games were causing me to ejaculate, wringing the final bits of semen from my crotch onto the pillows and all over my hands and thighs. I wanted desperately to scream, but i couldn't even breathe.
It was oh-so-good but i just had to stop. With my wet sloppy fingers i found the edge of the 'safety-tab' and yanked the piece of ducttape away from my face. Suddenly getting a cool lungful of air through the grommet my body's heaving motions slowed but i still felt panicked despite the breath. It seemed like the gag was going to choke me despite the fact that i was getting some air through my nose. These feelings were familiar, as i'd played these games so many times. But despite the recognition of the sensations on every occasion, there's no way to control those feelings of desperation. I guess that's part of why it's all so exciting. Man, i love to fuck myself thoroughly.
I needed more air and i couldn't get it fast enough. All the fucking motions ceased, and i felt blindly over the edge of the bed for a key. My fingers were so wet and slippery, i worried that it would slip out of my hand as i quickly fumbled to insert it into the lock against my left cheek. After a few seconds of crazily claustrophobic scrambling, i managed to pop the padlock open and pull it out of the buckle. I pulled the strap up and yanked with all my strength until the swing-arm popped out of the last notch; this hurt the side of my face and under my jaw, but i was so desperate to breathe more freely i really didn't care. As soon as the buckle was undone and i was able to unfasten the strap, a lot of the pressure around my face was relieved and i no longer felt like i was choking. The air through the grommet still didn't quite seem like enough, but i felt myself becoming more calm and deliberate as i reminded myself how much practise i had with these precise activities.
I pulled the key out of the first lock and began working it into one behind my head. It opened and i pulled the padlock out of the buckle, then unfastened the strap and felt more relief as most of the intense pressure around my eyes and ears was suddenly eliminated. I removed the key from that padlock and found the one behind my collar. When that was unlocked i tossed its padlock aside with the key still stuck in it now that i didn't need it any longer. I unfastened the buckle on the collar and felt a great relief as most of the pressure on my throat was gone. It took a minute to work the laces out from underneath the leather flap and untie them, then i pulled them out of the first few pairs of eyelets. When there was enough slack to spread the back of the hood apart i tugged and yanked, finally ripping the hood up off my head and feeling an intensely satisfying coolness as fresh air hit my face.
I blinked as sweat stung my eyes and i looked around. A few blobs of semen were on the pillows in front of me, the poppers were off to the side, the piece of ducttape was stuck to the sheets where i'd flung it, the padlocks were jumbled near my left leg, and the towel had slid most of the way off the board. I was immensely satisfied with my efforts. What a smashing success, i thought, ...i survived!
The morning was bright as i opened the venetian blinds and cleaned up the apartment. My body was tremendously tired and i literally felt myself dragging as i gathered up my toys: my feet made scuffling sounds as they padded over the kitchen floor. I washed Bam and the Bronze Silicone in the kitchen sink, and i threw all the old sweaty, jizzy sheets and towels in the laundry. My nice clean bed underneath was inviting, but i decided not to lie down again. After all the gear had been packed up and put away, i went to my bathroom and took a looong shower. Using only baby-shampoo to luxuriously wash away every last bit of perspiration, semen, snot, and lube from my skin, i was so pleased to scrub and rinse under the spray of hot water. After i was dry and all the towels were hanging up, i went around my nice tidy apartment to make sure i hadn't left anything carelessly lying around. Then i put a couple of Hot Fudge Sundae flavored Pop-Tarts in the toaster and had them as a sugary breakfast with a glass of cranberry juice.
I was going to sit at my desk when i felt that my empty butthole just had to be pacified with a little more fulfillment. So i re-inserted the Bronze Silicone and sat on my towel-covered chair in front of the computer for hours. I played some electronic MahJong with a few buddies online, and saved the screenshots of the notable high scores. Tony had been up for most of the night, but he was sleeping through the morning. Around noon i decided despite my extreme fatigue i was going out anyway because i wanted some Chinese food. All the doses of Marinol were yielding some appetite stimulation, and i was too exhausted to bother cooking anything, so i preferred to order some take-out from my favorite Szechuan restaurant. I removed the Bronze Silicone and washed it up (it was impeccably clean for something which came out of an asshole, coated only in a thin film of lubricant) then donned some clean clothes. I went to Tony's room to borrow the keys to his truck and to find the Panda Palace menu on his bookshelf. He awoke momentarily and i told him i was going to Sunset Square.
I telephoned and the friendly owner Jade answered. I've been enjoying her fare for many years. I asked for three lunch combinations (because i intended to share with Tony and have some leftovers). My selections were Shrimp with Snow Peas, Bean-Curd Homestyle, and Spicy Double-Cooked Pork with vegetables. They all came with side dishes of fried rice and some wonderful Hot And Sour Soup which was made with a rich beef broth, mushrooms, bamboo shoots, and various other tasty tidbits. I grabbed a can of sugar-free soda pop from the fridge as i departed the apartment building to drink in the truck as the summer afternoon was sunny and hot.
As i left South Hill Apartments and began driving down North State Street, i suddenly had to stop because two small deer were in the road. A doe and her tiny fawn were nibbling around the raspberry bushes along the edge of the sidewalk despite the hubbub of being in downtown Bellingham surrounded by traffic, street construction, and dense housing. I very carefully drove slowly past the two deer because i was afraid they might dart in front of the truck. Then i continued on my way across the downtown area over to Sunset Square. I said a friendly "hello" to Jade as i purchased the delicious food, then left it in the truck while i went into the Cost Cutter supermarket. I spent a few minutes finding some fresh fruits, vegetables, dairy products, fried chicken at the deli, and other items to fill up my shopping cart. Then i drove everything home and found Tony was awake. He helped put everything away as i unloaded the truck and told him about the deer.
I was sipping my beverage and i took some of my AIDS medications, when i suddenly felt my appetite disappear. Although i could theoretically blame the drugs (and i often do) i must admit that sometimes my body is just a bit quirky. Probably the eighteen years being infected with HIV could be causing a number of little issues that interfere with my eating. But i just felt like i wasn't going to have any of the fine cuisine, so i put it aside for later. Tony had only been out of bed for a short while, so he just wanted to have his coffee and wasn't interested in eating either. I went back to the computer and played some more games with my friendly online buddies, and i took some more Marinol. Then in the evening the THC caused me to have an appetite, so Tony and i heated lots of Chinese food in the microwave and chicken in the oven. After our soup, crispy chicken, salty rice, and jumbled combinations of Szechuan entrées, we had fruit salad for dessert. We assembled bowls of strawberries, grapes, apricots, and canary melon with whipped cream on top. So that was a marvelous finish to a fabulous day.
I enjoy reading the webcomic Goats.com and i have collected some of the associated merchandise: T-shirts, books, et cetera. I have a color print of one of my favorite strips featuring the Pork-O-Tron-5000 character, a cyborg dildo from Hollywood. This picture is next to my calendar and compartmentalized medication planner, reminding me every day to aspire to greatness. What joy it would be to exist as a magical fucking device whose primary objective is to drill your friends' assholes exuberantly!
Previous Entry (2007 July16th Monday 16:20PDT)
Next Entry (2007 August 5th Sunday 19:20PDT)
Go back to diary index.
Go to my personal web pages.
Go to my public home pages. [opens in new window]