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2006 October 12th Thursday 19:31PDT
3 Wands: Virtue
Tuesday October 10th i finished reading Fates Worse Than Death, a collection of non-fiction essays, speeches, and memoirs by Kurt Vonnegut. This was the umpteenth book by Vonnegut which i've read in the past twenty-two years since my favorite teacher Jim Murphy at Milton High School (Vermont) introduced me to some of those science fiction novels in the 10th grade (e.g., Player Piano and Cat's Cradle). The short story Harrison Bergeron may have been my first exposure to Vonnegut during the 7th or 8th grade when i was in Milton Junior High School around 1982, and i was invited to twice-weekly brief sessions in the library with Mrs Lunna and seven or eight other Honours English students. Few authors are able to write simultaneously as humorously and as seriously as in those keen-eyed commentaries and futuristic tales; i envy his talents.
Wednesday October 11th i actually felt very energetic for the first time in several weeks, so i elected to engage in rewarding sexercise with my favorite penetrative toys. I covered my bed with plastic then covered this playspace and the surrounding area with old towels and sheets, tucking them along the edges of the mattresses to prevent them from sliding around as i romped. These would prevent any jizz, piss, sweat, snot, and other stickiness from touching the furniture or carpets. Then i spent a while in my happy little bathroom enjoying my shower-shot douche attachment to administer many enemas until my colon was impeccably clean and i felt my ass was deliciously fuckable. A few daubs of petroleum jelly lubricated my anus for these ablutions, then when i thought my rectum was quite spotless i applied some water-based lube to my Purple Silicone dildo (#39) and began gently probing my butthole.
I was rather stoned on prescription THC (Marinol), and some capsules of Kavalactone extracts added to my feelings of relaxation. Some arabica coffee contributed to my invigorated mood. On the stereo in the east room where the 10-inch Cerwin-Vega speakers are aimed toward my bathroom i played some wonderful music by Yoshinori Sunahara, including the album Crossover. Satisfied with the immaculate cleanliness of my ass, i began fucking myself deeply with the beautiful Axis dildo (#56). This sleek, squeezable, hefty dong has a wonderful suction-cup base with which i affixed it to the fiberglass wall in the shower and backed myself onto it. Rocking back and forth i reamed myself with glee until the pounding of the Axis far into my ass caused drops of piss to involuntarily squirt from my cock.
Feeling extremely receptive and ready for just about anything, i began playing with my toy Bam (#4); he's thicker than a soda can and more than a foot long. His insertable shaft is at least ten inches down to the balls and about three inches in diameter. His suction-cup held him to the bottom of the bathtub as i squatted over him and reached underneath my crotch to direct his thickness into my butt. Using all the strength of my legs i humped up and down, driving him all the way in and back out of my backside. This caused me to involuntarily pant, sigh, and moan softly until pre-ejaculatory fluids dripped from the tip of my penis. Sticky tendrils hung from the slit of the head of my dick down to the bathtub in front of me as Bam's pressures forced them out of me at high speed.
Reassured of my complete internal cleanliness and maximum fuckability, i adjourned to the playspace arranged in the northwest room at my bed. I played music from my G5 iMac on the stereo with five speakers carefully arranged around the room, beginning with Essence by Adham Shaikh. My two newest toys are the PB & J (Pulsating Behemoth & Jelly dongs) which are each powered by three AA batteries inside their speed-control sliders. Each dong has two giant vibrators with variable intensity embedded in the lower and upper sections of their shafts. I've found when these are set to maximum speed their battery packs begin to get rather warm after ten or fifteen minutes so my practise is to switch back and forth between the two nearly identical toys, using each for no more than the duration of a song or two, then letting it cool while i hop on the other one. They are about three inches thick, and they're sufficiently tall for me to ride them in a kneeling position. I enjoyed getting on my knees on the bed with these ("the World's Largest Vibrating Rubber Dongs!") placing one behind myself, wedging it between my ankles, then lowering myself forcefully until its flared head stretched my ass open and slid inside. Grunting and straining, i could shove about ten inches of this well-lubricated thick rubber into myself, then by rocking and yanking with all my strength up and down i could fuck myself until going crazily out of my head.
The buzzing sensations of the vibrators inside the giant dongs pleasantly added to the stimulation, but i think it was really the extreme stretching and penetration which felt so exquisitely incomparable. I took occasional breaks to shove Slam Dunk lubricant up my butt and to dribble liquid-KY water-based gel over the surface of the dildos. It seemed i had more energy than i'd enjoyed all month, and i luxuriated in the ability to heave and fling myself wildly and passionately in my favorite sweaty activities. I wish i could feel like that every day-- i remember occasions when i was younger and i had the strength to fuck and party all the time. I miss those gleeful days back in the 1990s; but despite my decrepitude nowadays as seventeen years with the AIDS virus has sapped my strengths, i do believe i experience as much satisfaction as ever, at least mentally and emotionally if not quite physically.
In a rare moment feeling exceptionally capable, i decided to attempt some action with my largest toys whose dimensions are only occasionally within the realm of possibility for me. I fetched the Siren MegaDong (#54) from the toybox and lubed its enormous black head and veiny shaft. In various positions atop the bed i proceeded to engulf as much of it as possible. Its head has such a wide flare it actually requires a great deal of strength and concentration in addition to a rare personal capacity for ass-opening in order to fit the broadest circumference through my anus. After tremendously focused shoving and pressing with all my weight i was able to pop the head into my butt; that moment is always so intense, it causes an involuntary squeal followed instantly by a dizzily perplexing minute of frantic struggle as all willpower must be exerted to engage in this exercise. (The "Siren" moniker is because of the inevitable little yowl.) Forcing myself to slowly breathe deeply and to squat down until more than half of the shaft penetrated my backside, i perched in a tripod position of balance distributing my weight to the balls of my two feet and the dildo roughly equally.
Carefully unscrewing the cap from a little bottle of isopentyl nitrite i inhaled a great lungful of the vapours. These poppers made me feel more relaxed and penetrable, and i heard my pulse pounding in my head for a few seconds. I covered the bottle and put it aside, closed my eyes, and frolicked with abandon as Essence swirled around me. Lifting myself a few inches then slamming back downward, i fucked my brains out as i heaved my body to and fro, panting and crying with happiness. After several minutes i could stand no more, and i carefully extracted the MegaDong all the way back out of my ass. At the moment of maximum dilation when his flare suddenly snapped back out of my backside i could not prevent a gasp from escaping my lips. He made me feel like a superhero.
Emboldened and believing myself capable of my greatest ass-slamming, i next fetched the ultimate object from the toybox: Nerf (#1). This heavy black rubber monstrosity is perfectly smooth, rather squeezable, and only very slightly bendable. Because of his dimensions there is really only one position in which he can be utilized for extreme penetration: bolt upright. I sat him in the center of the bed, pushed more Slam Dunk into my asshole with my long fingers, then dribbled and smeared water-based lube all over his surface. Returning to my knees with Nerf behind me, carefully squeezing him between my ankles to prevent his going anywhere, i shoved downward as his impossibly wide flared head pressed against the crack of my ass. Somehow it seemed like this penetration was slightly easier than the Siren's; perhaps the contours of his head are conducive to this action. The next musical anthology which began to play was Anokha: Soundz Of The Asian Underground compiled by Talvin Singh.
Another whiff from the bottle of poppers sent me into an entrancing state, and i found myself brainlessly humping and grunting with abandon as seven or eight inches of Nerf filled me intensely. It's almost impossible to think clearly or do anything other than concentrate intently on this activity as its extreme demands force an uninterrupted focus and the rest of the universe slips away. That's one of the many things i love about my most vigorous dildosexercises: the meditative bliss that somehow simultaneously accompanies these overwhelming physical exertions. Maybe this is what some dancers, acrobats, athletes or bodybuilders find in their practises; i don't know what value it has to other people, but for me it's a pillar of my raison d'être. As the stuffing and stretching pushed me out of my mind i squeezed my cock and balls and laughed as little squirts of piss and more pre-ejaculatory fluids sometimes dripped forth. Perspiring and breathing rapidly as i thrashed enthusiastically, i felt ripples of anal spasms sending pleasure along the axis of chakras from my asshole through my spine and outward up along my torso, chest, head and limbs.
Track 5 of Anokha began to play: Chittagong Chill by State of Bengal. On the G-Force visualizer for iTunes a sprite image was blended into the phantasmagoria: 3 Wands (Virtue) from the Cosmic Tribe by the incomparable Stevee Postman. In The Cosmic Tribe Tarot illustrated by Stevee, Eric Ganther wrote:
Virtue arises in a field of complete integrity where we discover and share our uniqueness. Virtue is not bought or manipulated, it results from believing in our own truth. Truth is not an externally objective reality, it is simply our experience of the world honestly told: Listen, world this is what I feel and this is what I think. Virtue is what we sense in people who are in tune with their internal frequencies. They are confident that their experience, however mundane or extraordinary, is the one they were meant to be having.
In the card a figure glows in prayer. He is filled with gratitude and compassion. Three wands cross at his enlightened heart and burst into a mandala of flames. The three wands represent the trinity of body, heart, and consciousness-- the three loci of experience, each with its own story and virtue. The virtue of the body is sensation and movement. The heart's virtue is feeling and love. And the virtue of consciousness is the mind turning experience into imagery and language. They come together in the figure's hands in a prayer of thanks. The figure thanks the universe for the three virtues and makes a commitment to their continuing evolution. At the end of the wands, three lotuses bloom in a sign of spiritual clarity and honesty. Emitting orange and yellow beams of compassion, the figure aligns the truths of his body, heart, and consciousness.
Carefully handling the little brown glass bottle of caustic volatile poppers, i inhaled several acrid deep lungfuls of the fumes, holding my breath each time for as long as possible, feeling the room spin as my head was swimming dizzily and my eyes were closed. In the darkness behind my eyelids colorful hallucinatory shapes squiggled and danced. I screwed the cap onto the bottle and put it aside, carefully breathing slowly as i gently rocked in my perch with half of Nerf's height penetrating me demandingly. I opened my eyes and focused on the playful G-Force imagery which danced across the monitor. Somewhere in the back of my imagination i could feel the presence of old friends, lovers from years ago, sexy whispers and giggles. I rocked up and down, thrilling in every moment of this mind-fucking body-blasting heart-wrenching euphoria.
In a careful maneuver learned from practise over the years, i shifted my position without removing Nerf from my ass. First leaning to the left i pulled my right knee upward until my foot was planted beside Nerf's base. In this half-squatting half-kneeling position i then leaned to the right and pulled my left knee upward until my left foot was braced on the other side of the wide black base. Now perched on the balls of my feet, i shrugged, wriggled, and settled my weight more and more on the dildo. After a minute of serious concentration i had most of my mass balanced atop this rubber friend who was stuffing my ass almost nine inches deep and four inches wide. Then i got busy.
Matching the tempo of the song encompassing the playspace, i yanked and shoved up and down, fucking myself as hard as i could physically manage. Sometimes i would lift myself far enough to pop Nerf's entire head out, then i would slam back down instantly before my butthole had a chance to clamp shut, jamming all the way back to the point where i was stuffed, sweating and grunting. My knees tired, my lower back ached slightly, my shoulders worked hard, but i could not stop. While squeezing very firmly on my testicles with my left hand, i stroked my cock with the right, masturbating at half the pace of the song as i strained every muscle in my thighs, hips, knees and calves to hump rapidly in time with the beat. Overwhelming muscle contractions began to make my mid-section spasm from my upper legs all the way to my shoulders. "Ooh... ohhh... ohhhhh... nooo..." The semen came flying from my cock, spurting in thick white blobs across the sheets in front of me, arcing into the air around my feet and beyond my knees, flinging upwards onto my ribs and stomach. With a final moan i suddenly lifted my entire body straight upward, letting Nerf pop back out of my ass so quickly it made me inhale sharply. Then i collapsed forward onto the bed, exhausted, rolling around and smearing my face in my cum. Rubbing my chest and crotch i felt my warm sticky jizz as it covered my tingling dick and stuck to the hairs on my stomach and above my pelvis. I lied there for a few minutes catching my breath and just listening to the trance tracks in a daze.
I wiped up with some paper towels then carried armfuls of slippery dildos to the kitchen sink where i let them soak for a few minutes in hot soapy water. I tidied the playspace and threw the old sheets and towels into the laundry. Then i washed my asstoys lovingly and left them on a tray atop the shelf by the open northwest window to dry. Feeling a continued need for ass-stimulation, i took the Oval Buttplug (#45) from the toybox and stuffed it all the way into my satisfied hole. A cup of Red Rose tea with honey and soymilk was comforting as i sat my greasy ass on an old towel which covered my office chair in front of my G5 iMac. This forced the Buttplug to stay embedded all the way as i read and typed for hours.
It all reminds me of something Buddy Cole once said to George Carlin in a café in Durban: "That's nice... you should write it down!"
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