Go back to diary index.
Go to my personal web pages.
Go to my public home pages. [opens in new window]

2006 April 6th Thursday 04:20PDT - Some of my best recipes

The first few days of April were uneventful and relaxing. On Saturday night (April 1st) i counted out my usual dozens of prescription tablets and vitamin supplements into the compartments of my weekly planner. Sunday (April 2nd) i slept in rather late, then i spent much of the evening playing some very enjoyable games of Yahoo MahJong with my friends Alex, Polly, Coni, Linda, and other nice people.

On Monday (April 3rd) i didn't get out of bed until noon. I tried to recall bits of the dreams i'd been having, but the only images which stuck with me were from a scene in which i'm in the front seat of a car with some woman, maybe she's my mother, and we're stopped at the traffic light at the Five Corners, which is the main intersection in the village of Essex Junction, Vermont, around which i spent three decades of my life; i'm facing towards the south-southwest, and it's very white, like a memory of snowy winter days; i think i recognize some of the people in the other motionless cars, and maybe i feel a moment of nostalgia for the place where i lived most of my life since my earliest memories before the age of two years; but we are driving away from the Brickyard Apartments and the Maple Sugar House neighborhood where i was a toddler, and i've become much older, old enough to drive this car, old enough to feel like Vermont will never be my home again, and the white becomes more grey and dim, eventually transforming into the warm rainclouds of April gently flowing across Bellingham and the San Juan Islands along the edge of the Pacific Ocean where i am waking up.

The UPS tracking info for the new G5 iMac i'd ordered for Tony indicated it was on its way across the country and would probably arrive before the end of the week. The noisy red Coast Guard helicopter flew past South Hill several times Monday afternoon as i was sipping my Colombian coffee and The Spirit of KJAZ played on Tony's stereo. We watched our videotape of Malcolm in the Middle and The Simpsons. At sunset the helicopter continued to burn tremendous amounts of taxpayers' money in the form of aviation fuel as it hovered and twirled over the Bay, making a great din near our neighborhood. I think they could economize and save time by simply throwing heaps of cash directly into the ocean, rather than converting it to greenhouse gases first.

I took some Marinol and shared a Gala apple with Tony, and he ate some popcorn while we watched TV. Raindrops softly pattered against the northwest window. I felt like baking some sandwiches while i was rather baked. First i fried three strips of bacon in a non-stick skillet, then i slivered some green pepper and purple onion and fried them in the bacon fat with SriRacha hot chili sauce. I split three english muffins in halves on a baking sheet and smeared a dollop of ranch dressing on one side, then covered with slices of deli roast beef and some sharp cheddar cheese. On the other halves i placed smoked Rofumo cheese, then heaped the fried onions and peppers on top. The baking sheet of these open-face stacks went into the preheated oven at 420F for about ten minutes as i washed my dishes, counters, and cutting boards. When the cheese was bubbly and the muffins crunchy i put a slice of crispy bacon on each, closed them up, and served with some cracker-&-pretzel mix on the side, along with a tall glass of sugar-free ginger ale. Old mixes from Electro Radio played on my stereo, thumpillating and squinchifying as the apartment filled with the aroma of toasted sandwiches. "These are delicious," Tony uttered appreciatively.

"I'm really not an especially creative cook, and i know my presentation is always kind of lame; much of what i make ends up looking like a colorful pile of glop... but it always tastes good!" i laughed. They were surprisingly un-messy little sandwiches despite the grease and melted cheeses.

Tony slipped into his usual post-sandwich diabetic coma and snored a little as i was reading, writing, and listening to music. Tugboats pulling barges came and went from the piers, and the night was damp as sea breezes rippled the surface of the Bay which reflected the twinkling lights of the harbor and downtown Bellingham. Mixes by Dr Indulgent played on the stereo at a low volume as i dimmed the lights and lit half of a Shin Mainichiko Aloes Wood joss stick while Tony slumbered. After midnight the cloud ceiling lifted enough for me to see the lights of the ski areas in southern British Columbia hovering at the horizon fifty to ninety kilometers away, from left to right: the highway to the Cypress Bowl, the slopes of Grouse Mountain, and a couple tiny lights aside Mount Seymour. A distant glow was reflected under a massive cloud-bank stretching twenty to fifty kilometers away near the center of our northwest view, suggesting the location of the greater Vancouver sprawl.

Crinkly steep topography and treelines block any view of the Lower Mainland of B.C. which is concentrated between the mouths of the largest two local rivers; Vancouver's impressively soaring skyline is generally not seen from the American side of the border thirty kilometers to our north, but begins to come into view just a little further up the Canadian coast. It's not as massive as Montreal, which used to be the largest city within a hundred miles of where i'd lived for decades in Vermont near the border with Québec, but it's quite tall and perched on some very steep terrain which in some spots is almost fjord-like.

Bellingham and our Canadian neighbors have lots of light pollution, and our home is right in the middle of the brightest local glow. We have variable views of stars and of our bustling little city, depending on the cloud cover. Most nights (and even some days) there's enough constant flow of moisture from the Pacific through our convergence zone to totally block all views, and there were moments in the past couple weeks when the neighborhood was almost invisible in the fog. This damp flow helps keep us moderately warm for our latitude, and i love much of the early spring around here.

I can only see parts of Vancouver Island in the daytime across the Georgia Strait because the mountainous San Juan Islands and craggy local triple-fault tectonics intervene; at night there is no way to find it. B.C.'s capital city of Victoria is on that tremendous island about fifty or sixty kilometers away, separated from our utmost northwestern corner of the contiguous United States by a complex little region of isles, peninsulas, and tight passages, with rows of glacier-capped volcanos occasionally steaming and trembling in our zone of the Pacific's "Ring Of Fire". This zone is at the edge of the region which i personally feel is almost never too hot nor too cold to be comfortable. We are several degrees further north than my former homes by the forty-fifth parallel, halfway between the Earth's equator and North Pole; but this side of the continent has a narrow temperate strip running from northern California almost all the way to Alaska's panhandle, whereas the more frigid areas of New England and maritime Canada's St. Lawrence valley had no such advantages.

You might say i made a trade four years ago, departing from the guaranteed discomforts of northeastern climate for the risks of these northwestern tectonics and Cascades volcanics. So far, so good-- our cities haven't done too much crashing into the oceans during the most recent decades, certainly nothing too catastrophic in my few years as a Washingtonian. But this area is known to shove bits of itself into a certain amount of subduction and eruption during the span of any recent centuries. I know i have risks that can be compared to Chile, Alaska, Japan, or the Philippines, but i personally appreciate our weather better than any of theirs. I'm so delighted to have settled into this corner which feels optimal.

Professor Frink, from The Simpsons
On Tuesday morning (2006 April 4th) i was feeling particularly well-rested and physically capable of exercise, so i arranged one of my favorite 'recipes'; or perhaps 'spell' is a better term than 'recipe'. Sometimes i think the difference between a diary and a cookbook is mostly just a choice of verb conjugation (indicative versus imperative mood, past versus present tense, first versus second person, etc.) Like most 'recipes', i believe this is merely an array of suggestions which could ideally be customized to suit any individual's preferences. As i wove this spell Tuesday i tried my utmost to amplify my feelings of peace and health. For comical effect, try to imagine hearing the ten thousand words of these elaborations in the voice of Professor Frink!

Muladhara Chakra - Stevee Postman's artwork

Teledildonix' Effervescent Triple Spoogification

Agent: one adult male, 35 years old, mass 75kg (weight approximately 167 pounds), height 189cm (74.5 inches)

Aural Pleasures in an iTunes playlist: Visual Erotica displayed on monitors and walls: Implements: (including many items from a collection of insertable sex-toys) Lubricants and tactile enhancements: Chemical Consumables: Meteorology: one sunrise with mild weather during early springtime, preferably with relatively high humidity and scattered clouds such as are found along the shores of Bellingham Bay

Location, with comfortable furniture and other equipment: Stevee Postman's artwork

Procedures: as with most recipes, optimization depends upon availability of ingredients, time allotted, and personal taste. Most of these activities and objects can be adjusted to suit your personal environment and inclinations while maintaining the spirit of the original recipe.

Preheat the playspace to a temperature suitable for hours of relaxed nudity and sweaty exercise.

Consume some herbs and drugs ahead of time, such as the yohimbe bark and ginseng. Drink some caffeinated beverage before starting ass-cleanout; enjoy more caffeine as often as desired during playtime to stimulate little bursts of energy. Consume half of the kavalactones before douching (to augment intestinal relaxation), and half later while playing (to enhance the relaxed mood and general sense of well-being).

Begin hydrotherapeutic ablutions during the dark of night. Allow a couple hours (or much more or less, depending on your physiological experiences and preferences) for thorough enema activity, ensuring a meticulously clean colon and especially fuckable anus. Lubricate anus with daubs of petroleum jelly before inserting the tip of the Shower-Shot. Gently rinse rectum with two or three cups of water at a time, retaining the liquid momentarily then flushing all down the toilet. Repeat as necessary until butthole is totally washed. Sex play can be most appealing when every bit of one's body is fastidiously clean enough to be lickable, especially the anal, genital, and facial regions.

Protect the furniture and rugs. Cover any carpeted floors near the bed with old sheets which can be tossed in the laundry later; try to avoid placement which might risk tripping anyone's feet. Cover the bed with protective layers: heavy vinyl sheets are recommended, such as any shower-curtains you could find cheaply at a Dollar store. Tuck these around the edges of the mattress to prevent sliding and shifting when you're bouncing atop the bed later. Next, cover with a few tattered old terry-cloth towels for absorbency; this is useful because large quantities of urine, semen, saliva, perspiration, snot, tears, and any other moist bodily substances will be wrung from the agent. Then the top layers should consist of large cotton sheets; use any raunchy old sheets which you can toss in the laundry later with the towels, preferably those which are soft enough for pleasant romping and rolling around. Tuck the sheets around the edges of the bed so all will be held in place while agent is cavorting and thrashing across them. A few pillows can be sealed in plastic bin-liners, then put inside old cotton pillowcases. Keep a couple rolls of plain white paper towels handy and tear off a few ahead of time, as you may wish to wipe grease from your hands and body before touching your refrigerator, chairs, etc.

Protect the electronic gadgets. Avoid touching any computer or television equipment during playtime, as crisco and sperm are not good for TV's and iMacs. A simple solution is to have multi-device universal remote controls handy. Seal these remotes in clear cellophane, then some adhesive tape. This will allow them to be handled casually despite any jizz or lube on your fingers. You might check your remotes' batteries ahead of time, and also consider whether the vibrators will need fresh batteries too.

Arrange soft lighting of the playspace. Sufficient brightness is recommended for enjoying the posters on the walls, but it should be at a low level for night/pre-dawn ambience, and should not reflect off the TV and computer monitors. I prefer to use my thirty-five year old Lava Lamp, and four small lamps with colored lightbulbs (red, green, blue, amber) each only 25watts, with adjustable positioning. Artificial light will give way to natural daylight during the course of this spell.

The first ten or twenty rinses clean the colon (hopefully) and begin to create a sense of rectal relaxation. While in the bathroom finishing the last few enemas, a whiff of poppers can be inhaled as maximum amounts of clear water (perhaps as much as four cups at a time) are pumped into the colon then expelled to verify the completion of the ablutions. At this time, slowly and gently begin inserting the smallest buttplug, checking the perfection of the ass-cleaning. The tiny buttplug (#29) is about the thickness of two fingers, and perfectly smooth; it begins to encourage more relaxation and gradual opening of the sphincter.

Proceed to insert the Beldar Conehead buttplug (#31), sliding its smooth length all the way in and out of your happy ass, letting it stretch you to its widest diameter. A second sniff of poppers may cause you to become very enthusiastic. Be sure to exercise caution when in the tub or shower, as you wish to avoid any dangerous slip or fall on the smooth fiberglass and porcelain surfaces. When Beldar has become very easy to insert and squeeze with the anal muscles, move along to Remulak (#44). The base of Remulak has enough suction to adhere to the tub, so it's fun to squat on it and bounce. Let this buttplug stretch you wide open with his pleasing shape, to a depth of about fifteen centimeters.

After ass-cleansing has been completed and impeccability is guaranteed, move from the bathroom to the main playspace. Start the music from MixMaster Morris, establishing a calm aura which is chilled yet playful, imagining a friendly wink and smirk during the delightfully silly parts. Activate the G-Force visualizer for iTunes, and be sure to have many pictures in the "Sprites" subfolder. These pictures include an assortment of gay erotica (photos and QuickTime clips), complex graphics, artwork from Stevee Postman, and fantasy/mysticism by Susan Seddon Boulet. Push many large gobs of shortening into the rectum, and slather lots of diluted K-Y over the surfaces of the insertable sex-toys. View a videocassette with some erotic scenes involving rimming, fucking, dildoing; and focus on the sweet sensual beauty of ass-play.

When you feel like you've had enough slow "warm-up" activity with the conical plugs, ream your asshole rapidly with the life-size Rubber Penis ButtPlug (#25) while lying comfortably across the bed and gazing at the artwork on the walls. Do not worry if this causes little drops of piss to fall from the tip of your penis, nor should you mind the coating of grease on your backside and arms; the tattered old sheets and towels will keep your furniture clean as you begin to sweat and drip.

Reminisce about the most beautiful sexy friends in your life. The Buffalo Woman poster was a gift to me from my friend Shawn; twelve years ago when we had our earliest euphoric experiments with LSD and MDMA, we spent much time enraptured by its layered patterns, as well as those found in Calling The Eagle. The loving memories of time well-spent with your sexiest friends will lead to exploration of the desire to be penetrated and filled with those friends' projections. Begin inserting ShawnsDong [Sean] (#17) into your ass carefully, shifting your body to various accommodating positions as you luxuriate in the exquisite sensations of his complex surface rubbing past the inside of your ass. He can be slipped up your butt as you lounge sideways, and he feels especially nice if you kneel over him upright and press your haunches downward until he penetrates you all the way to his 'scrotum'. The blend of songs presented by MixMaster Morris suggest positive moods and feelings towards these dearest friends. If you are familiar with the supposed 'chakrah' locations, it may be helpful to orient yourself and the dildos along axes whose motions are aligned with the imaginary chakrah foci.

Take occasional breaks from your exercises to stretch your limbs and flex your joints. Enjoy more caffeine and THC in quantities acceptable for your health and happiness. Hum along to the tunes if you so desire, pausing now and then to remind yourself how much beauty is in a melody or rhythm, softly singing appreciation for the art and collaborative efforts which yielded such splendid surroundings.

Fuck yourself deeply and vigorously with Spelunker [czar] (#19). Affix this long hefty dong so he hangs pendulously from a wall about twenty or thirty centimeters above the side of the bed. I have a large plank, a two-by-four which has been sanded smooth and coated on one side with latex paint. I wedge this board between the bed and the wall, covering its edges with another old towel to prevent any knocking or scraping against the wall. Then i'm able to press Spelunker against the plank until his powerful suction-cup base holds him in a spot ideal for backing against him as i'm on my hands and knees. Place one or two of the old pillows below stomach for comfort and leverage while in this prostrate position which can appear almost supplicatory. Stuff ten to twenty centimeters of Spelunker into your ass, then rock forward and backward so he fucks you extensively, occasionally altering the pace and depth of your thrusts to coincide with the music's tempo.

As the pre-dawn hours give way to a very gradual sunrise and more daylight illuminates the room, artificial lights may be extinguished one by one. The plush sounds of MixMaster Morris will eventually end, and the albums by Underworld will fill the playspace with a more up-tempo variety of pulsating rhythms and rapid stream-of-consciousness vocals. The ministrations with the buttplugs and dildos lead to a state of sphincter relaxation and a desire for far more vigorous and challenging stimulation. The agent will advance to the largest dongs (Bam, Unicorn, Krakatoa) and it will become more difficult to avoid having orgasms too soon. The playtime can be prolonged by avoiding overstimulation of the penis and scrotum, utilizing a rubber cockstrap and a rubber jockstrap, while the application of Slam Dunk to the genitals and anus results in a sensation of warmth and a slight numbing.

Carefully wind the Rubber Penis Wrapping Strap around the erect penis and scrotum, overlapping each layer. Do not pull tightly while winding, as this would soon cause painful squeezing; let it press snugly as it goes round and round your nuts and presses your cock against your scrotum. Let the bottom of your balls and the head of your penis protrude, but cover the rest entirely with the black rubber. Now your genitalia are not stimulated as much when you stroke them, reducing the likelihood of cumming too early.

With the sexual organs encased, don the yellow and black Rubber Jockstrap. This looks and feels sexy while holding your wrapped package against your groin. Thus the ass-play can be conducted with slightly less distraction from the sensations of your excited cock and balls, and they won't flop or dangle in the way as you're jamming the biggest dildos up your asscrack.

Proceed to exercise with BamRealistic (#4, a.k.a. Bam) in a number of positions. Hold him upright against the floor, squat down against him, insert his thick head through your anus, and press your body downward until he is stuffing you all the way to the balls. Lift yourself fifteen or twenty centimeters so he almost slides out but keep four or five centimeters inside your anus, stretching it open continuously. Repeat this squatting motion, gradually increasing your pace until it matches the fastest beats of Underworld's songs such as Jumbo and Shudder/King Of Snake. You gradually become aware of a pleasant warmth on the edges of your cock and balls, your asscrack, and inside your rectum as the Slam Dunk's ingredients (such as oil of clove) cause a slight tingling. Take momentary rests, occasionally inhaling a whiff of poppers. Squint your eyes and screw yourself with Bam until you imagine your brains are going to burst. Do this until the muscles of your knees and hips begin to tire, then get back on the bed. Just as you did with Spelunker, affix Bam to the wall/plank with his extra-strong suction-cup, and back onto him. Rock against him so he fucks you intensely, forcing small drops of fluid to fall from your wrapped cock and soft grunts to hiss from your throat. Change back and forth from kneeling supplication to squatting positions as each song blends into the next; by varying your movements and alignment, you can maximize your exercise while avoiding too much strain to any particular part of your anatomy. It is helpful to imagine that these movements are part of a dance, antics where you joyously flounce and fling yourself in harmony with the toys, music, drugs, and artwork for hours.

After listening to most of Beaucoup Fish, when you can no longer resist the urge to make yourself cum with Bam, you might wish to remove the rubber cock wrapper but put the jockstrap back on. Inhale a lungful of the vapours from the bottle of poppers then replace its cap tightly. Be sure to fuck your face repeatedly with the Black Rubber Penis Plug. Stick the Penis Plug as far down your throat as you can manage to swallow, holding your breath to avoid retching. Wriggle it forcefully until your eyes water; saliva and snot begin to drool from your face. You can practise coordinating the choking activities with the rhythm of your bounces on Bam, until the simultaneous pounding into your top and bottom becomes overwhelming. Pushing your ass back against the Bam dildo so it is shoved all the way into your rectum, pressing the Penis Plug all the way down your throat, rub your cock and balls with your free hand. As the semen sprays forth and you groan triumphantly, gradually slow your motions until you come to a rest with Bam embedded inside you. Catch your breath for a few seconds, then yank yourself off the enormous dildo, roll onto your side, push the pillow away, and lick up all your jizz as you smear your face greedily against the sheets. Kiss and caress your rubber toys, thanking Bam and his cohorts for their gifts to you.

Have some more caffeine, THC, and Kava Kava as Second Toughest In The Infants starts to play on the stereo. Stuff more globs of shortening up your rectum, and be sure to coat your dildos generously with water-based lubricant, repeating frequently; there is no such thing as too much lubrication. Bring the Unicorn (#52) to the bed and practise sitting or squatting in positions which are most advantageous for inserting much of his ribbed length up your ass. Also toy with Beldar Conehead (#31), slurping on him and stuffing him into your mouth much as you did with the Black Rubber Penis Buttplug. Beldar's midsection is wide but he's not too long, so he pokes against the back of your throat but doesn't choke you too much unless you jam him all the way into your hungry mouth, pressing his base right up against your lips, cutting off your air.

Pause your face-rape once or twice so you might inhale more poppers. Then continue nastily forcing Beldar into your throat as you proceed to ride the Unicorn. The Unicorn's head is rounded and smooth, so it slides with almost no friction as it is first inserted through your anus. But then his series of ridges create a wickedly powerful stimulation as they pass through your sphincter and deep inside you. Squat and bounce on the Unicorn during some songs; lounge casually and stuff him sideways into your ass during others. During the fastest portions of the album, such as the song Pearl's Girl, ream your hole at top speed.

Stretch your limits and exhaust your body with this glorious exercise while the dawn continues to make the playspace brighter and brighter. Finally, when you feel as though you can take no more, push yourself harder anyway! Inhale some poppers, replace the bottle's cap tightly, hold your breath for half a minute until your head is spinning and your pulse is pounding, then exhale slowly. Take another great breath into your lungs, then press the Unicorn deeper than ever! Jitter your whole body up and down slightly, writhing and moaning as he exquisitely tickles toward the centre of your torso, connecting with invisible internal networks which make your mind tingle and your body glow in your imagination. Stuff Beldar all the way into your mouth so you can hold him firmly in place with your teeth and he cuts off your breathing. Reaching under the tight rubber jockstrap, grab your scrotum and tug downward with one hand while squeezing your penis with the other. Bounce bounce bounce on the Unicorn, wiggle and suffocate, heave and shove harder than ever, until the ejaculatory fluids are flung forth onto the jockstrap, your hands, the pillow, and the bed; the plug pops out of your face with a gasp; snot and tears and jizz bubble from you; and you collapse in an exhausted heap with an animal groan. Yank the Unicorn out of your ass with an involuntary squeal as his ribs ripple past your sphincters and your head spins with dizzy, sparkling, victorious scintillation.

After this second orgasm you might need to rest for a while; the final few songs on STITI are more mellow and peaceful. Catch your breath, gently stretch your limbs, walk around for a minute. Hydrate yourself with a refreshing glass of cool water, take a piss if necessary, and wipe off some of your sweat if you wish. You can keep one of the smaller buttplugs inside your ass for a few minutes, as the rubber jockstrap continues to press your sticky genitalia against your crotch area. When you believe you've gathered your strength to go for the third climax, return to the bed with The World's Largest Vibrating Rubber Dong (#10: Krakatoa); and the IVB (#27) with the Locking O-Ring Gag and a few stretchy old athletic socks. You might want to keep the jockstrap on for the next few minutes, then remove it later while you're riding Krakatoa.

The Inflatable Vibrating Buttplug can be made into a most diabolical head-raping strangulation device. The uninflated IVB is stuck through the O-Ring, and the gag's leather straps hang from around the base of the device. Although the gag feels sort of tight when the locking buckle is pulled to the farthest notch, it is still sometimes possible to spit the plug out of one's mouth. This possibility can be eliminated by making the gag tighter with a sock between the straps and the back of one's head. Fold or roll up one of the soft old socks, then hold it against the back of your skull above the middle of your neck while you pull the leather straps together and slide the notched end through the buckle. This forces the IVB all the way into your mouth and against the back of your throat. You begin to drool involuntarily, and saliva trickles down your chin and chest for the duration of this exercise.

This tricky set-up requires some dexterity, but once the straps are tight they will hold the sock in place. Pull the final notch over the swinging-arm of the buckle, then under the buckle's outer edge and back over the arm's little metal loop again, then fold over the loop once more. Now take a small padlock and slide its "U" bar through the metal loop, locking it in place. This causes the fastened leather straps to be unmovable until a key is used to free the device. IMPORTANT STEP WHICH YOU MUST TAKE FOR SAFETY REASONS WHICH WILL BECOME EVIDENT LATER: Place this key and at least one more identical spare key within easy reach on a shelf somewhere near the bed! You must be able to retrieve the key at a later time without any difficulty. Regardless of whether you engage in these activities alone or with a friend, you must be absolutely certain that you can undo your gadgetry, otherwise death or serious injury could result!

The IVB is now completely locked into your throat, and you're unable to easily release it without going backwards through all those steps. You choke and gurgle a little as the IVB rapes your face, and the leather pulls against your cheeks forcefully. This might leave pinch-marks beside your lips, but they generally fade away later in the day. Each time you inhale, you have to breathe around the hard tip of the plug inside your head, and as you exhale you slobber and froth unavoidably. This makes my dick hard.

The vibration control-dial hangs from a long cord (approximately one meter) which emerges from below the solid base of the IVB. As this dangles in front of your stomach and crotch it can be in the way when you're masturbating and fucking yourself with big dildos. The solution is to loosely wrap it around your neck, then drape it over a shoulder. Do not pull the plastic-covered cord too tight as it hangs against you, you don't want to strangle yourself this way; there are better methods of gradually choking yourself intentionally. The corrugated edge of the dial can be easily rotated with your thumb despite any grease on your hands. Begin playing with the speed of the vibrations, starting off slowly then pushing the control to a faster setting. The increasing buzz against the stainless steel O-Ring makes it start to rattle against the back of your teeth. To prevent dental damage, inflate the IVB very slightly. The cushion of air inside the inflated rubber dampens some of the vibration against your jaw and helps to protect your teeth's enamel from chipping.

As the buzzing is increased, the noise begins to fill your awareness. Although you can still hear the music when dubnobasswithmyheadman begins to play, the constant "ZDZDZDZDZ" of the IVB starts to dominate your sensoria. The inflation of the IVB is controlled by a squeezable bulb attached to a length of rubber tubing which emerges from the hard base of the vibrator next to the power cord. When the bulb is compressed it forces air through a valve into the tube, and this causes the rubber stretched over the vibrator to balloon. A small amount of inflation soon fills your mouth while the vibrations resonate powerfully in your skull. Too many squeezes make the rubber expand all the way into the back of your throat until the IVB is several times its original width, and this cuts off all breathing. By pressing a button on the bulb's valve, the pressure is instantly released and the IVB deflates, allowing you to gasp and suck a little air back into your lungs. Repeatedly toy with this inflation and release; test your willpower. See how long you can stand to cut off your own breathing as your brain quakes, until you finally scramble to press the button and frantically snort some oxygen around the vicious plug, and your mucous burbles and makes slurping noises.

When the speed-dial is adjusted up and down, you notice a silly resonant side-effect while you are watching the erotic video on the television monitor. The vibrations transmitted to your skull cause your eyeballs to buzz at a certain pace. Meanwhile, the images on the monitor are actually flickering too rapidly for you to see them individually, but they're diplayed at 60Hz. The result is a perception of a wavy, squiggling, almost shimmering pattern of motion which you can affect with the variable speed control. You probably won't notice such patterns while viewing most objects in the room, but televisions and fluorescent lighting are known sources of optical resonance which could produce these squigglies.

In order to guarantee absolutely that the IVB in its O-Ring can never be freed from your mouth while locked in the tight leather gag, a couple more old socks are used. Wrap one around your chin and keep its edge above your lower jaw, letting it slide over the front of your bottom teeth against the bottom of the IVB. Twist its two loose ends behind your skull along the leather straps and pull tightly. Then do the same with the other old sock over your upper lip and against the front of your top teeth. With these in place it becomes even more difficult to breathe, but there are two advantages. First, they totally ensure that the IVB can never be finagled out from between your clenched jaws, no matter how hard you try to push it with your tongue or pull on it with your fingers. Second, the socks help absorb some of the voluminous saliva and snot which flow from your struggling throat and out over your chin. As the inflator bulb hangs in front of your chest and the speed-dial lies against your shoulder they may become slick with your spit, but they are designed very well for handling despite any lubricants and bodily fluids all over your fingers. The IVB rattles your brain while you use Krakatoa to rattle the rest of your body from the inside out.

Push lots of crisco up your ass. Squirt lots of water-based lube on Krakatoa and smear it lovingly all over his incredibly huge rubber head and shaft. Kneel near the center of the playspace in a position which allows you to see the erotica on the television, the patterns on the computer's iTunes visualizer, and some of the artwork on the walls simultaneously. You may need to adjust the monitors' brightness to compensate as full daylight now dazzles the room. The music from Underworld throbs and floats across the hypercharged playspace, but the incessant buzzing of the vibrator wedged inside your skull will be louder than any other part of this ambience. Set Krakatoa on the sheets behind your ass and between your feet. Holding the World's Largest Vibrating Rubber Dong upright with one hand behind you, you may use your other free hand to caress your cock and balls under the rubber jockstrap. Press Krakatoa's head against your anus, then adjust his two speed-dials. Much like the IVB, Krakatoa's dials have corrugated edges for easy adjustment while your fingers are slippery. One dial controls a vibrating 'egg' inside his base, the other is for the 'egg' inside the centre of his shaft. Twist the two dials to their maximum setting, and feel Krakatoa quake against your backside as you hear his freaky buzzing.

Begin pressing your weight firmly downward until Krakatoa's head penetrates your outermost sphincter. After the widest part of his flared head slides into your rectum you will find his shaft enters more easily and smoothly. Let him fill you ten to fifteen centimeters deep, and just sit on him while you take deep breaths around the IVB in your throat. Try to imagine becoming more and more relaxed, accepting these penetrations into your ass, your mouth, your mind and your deepest self. Carefully and slowly push every device and every sensation farther and farther. Give the inflator bulb a couple small squeezes so your breathing becomes more labored. Stroke your erect cock very slowly, and collect any droplets of pre-ejaculatory fluids which spill from its tip. Smear these fluids over your genitalia, under your perineum, all over your nose and cheeks, and onto the shaft of Krakatoa. As some of your copious saliva emerges past the old socks over the IVB and drips down your belly you can rub it across your cock and balls to enhance their lubrication.

As the irresistibly entrancing sounds of dubnobasswithmyheadman waft around the playspace, you become increasingly aware of the involuntary urge to heave yourself up and down on Krakatoa, fucking your rectum with this monstrously large device. Practise rocking faster and faster, imagining that your moves are an elaborate dance designed to celebrate the greatest physical pleasures of the human body. Now and then you should yank the gigantic vibrating dong all the way out of your ass, luxuriating in the most intense sensation of ripping yourself open and shuddering as though your very brains were falling out your backside, then shove him right back inside yourself forcefully! Apply more grease as often as desired. At some point when the dong is temporarily removed from your asshole, you can dismount and then remove the rubber jockstrap, freeing your erect cock and flopping balls so you might play with them more easily. Stretch your legs out and occasionally arch your back to avoid stiffness or cramping. When you feel ready to attempt the final climax, return to your position kneeling against Krakatoa, set all dials to maximum, find the little bottle of poppers, and close your eyes.

Open the poppers and press them close to your nostrils, but be careful to avoid contact. By squeezing your tongue and throat against the deflated IVB you find yourself able to inhale through your nose. Take a huge whiff of the magical vapours and hold it. Screw the cap back on the bottle and place it safely aside while continuing to hold your breath. As you make small swallowing motions with the muscles of your throat, squeeze the inflator bulb repeatedly until it fills your mouth to the absolute maximum. The fullness utterly prevents any air from working its way in or out of your throat. The pressure causes your face to be stretched and your eyes to bulge. The poppers and the strangulation cause colorful swirling patterns as you keep your eyes shut. Resist the urge to release the valve, and continue to force yourself to suffocate as long as possible.

During these breathless moments as your cock drips excitedly and your mind races in confusion, you must press your asscrack firmly downward and force Krakatoa to penetrate your anal sphincter, sliding him deeper and deeper until he is farther inside you than you ever thought humanly possible. Your aching lungs beg for relief, your pulse pounds, and the vibrations of the IVB inside your skull are driving you mad with overstimulation. At some point before you actually die from these activities, you must finally submit to your sense of survival and press the button. Spluttering and choking, you desperately try to gasp and suck air into your lungs while attempting to avoid strangulation on your own thick mucous which gathers in your throat around the hard IVB. Let yourself breathe a few times as you lift yourself up and down, fucking your ass and your mind with the World's Largest Vibrating Rubber Dong as you get some oxygen back into your system.

The dong's two 'eggs' create vibrations so powerful, you swear they're shaking the inside of your ass, up your spine, and all the way out to the tips of your extremities. This is augmented by the vibrations of the IVB inside your head, spreading the buzzing sensation down your neck and through your chest to your heart. In your heart and mind, up and down your spine, along your nerves, across the back of your ass, down your back, and out to the tips of your toes and fingers, you shake and tremble as the frothing continues to make saliva dribble down your chin. Close your eyes and focus on Underworld's rhythms as you kneel and sway. Stretch, shove, fuck, and dance in time with the harmonious alignment of all the crafts and cleverness which have led to these moments. Remind yourself of the beautiful love you've shared with your sexy friends and eudaemonic toys-- sing along in your imagination with any of their voices, such as the laughter of my dead friend Shawn who visits my daydreams when i'm fucking myself silly.

Don't let yourself breathe too freely for too long; keep pushing the excitement level back up by reinflating the IVB, strangling yourself, then sputter and gag as you press the button just often enough to prevent passing out. Accidental asphyxiation would be an unfortunate end to this spell, a mistake which can be conscientiously avoided by allowing yourself just enough air at proper intervals. On the verge of suffocation your boner is harder than ever, but you must somehow maintain the presence of mind to keep all activities flowing smoothly, never going too far as you dance along the edge. For best results, i recommend starting slowly and most carefully, practising these actions and learning how all of these sensations proceed. Over time, when the first few excited sessions have shown you how it all happens, then you gradually come to understand where you will encounter personal boundaries, you can seek these situations which yield maximum stimulation and satisfaction while adhering to practises which safely avoid injury or serious harm. A few pinch-marks from the leather straps against your face are no big deal; some tired muscles are a sign of good exercise; working up a sweat is fabulous. But the trick is to figure out how to reach the most excitement of which you are capable without being frightfully stupid in any way which might cause your demise. This is true of many situations in life, not just sex or exercise. Some of us prefer to use dildos and gags instead of speeding motorcycles, downhill skiing, or bungee-jumping, for example; you must make the choices with which you are comfortable.

When you repeat the dildonic ministrations and throat-choking inflations over and over, the snot and tears drip from your face as you elevate the situation to a sweaty crescendo. Go through the process of inhaling two or three more hits of poppers through your nostrils while you continue to hump up and down on Krakatoa. Wiggle the IVB's speed-dial slightly lower and higher to vary the buzzing sensations inside your skull. Squeeze your cock and balls harder and harder with one hand while you steady Krakatoa between your feet with the other hand. As you kneel on the giant dong, you become totally unable to stop yourself from flinging your body up and down along his slippery shaft, and his head seems to vanish somewhere far up inside your torso, aimed toward your heart as it buzzes and harmonizes your insides with the music surrounding your outsides. Inflate the IVB until you can't breathe again. Pretend that your body and brain are engaged in a magical spell; imagine that the devices and substances and ambience are ingredients in a powerful enchantment which you design and customize to suit your ecstatic purposes. Laugh silently and sorcerously inside your mind as no more than some strangled gurgles and wheezes slip out of your throat around the IVB. Feel the heat and the pressure building as you slam yourself up and down Krakatoa, faster and faster while you yank on your balls and struggle to squeeze every last modicum of energy from your exhausted body.

Press the valve's button to release the pressure and narrowly avoid asphyxiation as the final moment bursts over the edge. Roar with exultation inside your own head as the dildos push the magic inside your body, while the semen orgasmically gushes, and even some squirts of piss convulse outward from your cock. Pumping, heaving, sweating, going utterly insane, you find that you have excruciated yourself beautifully beyond your previous dimensions and notions. Cry and laugh.

As your pounding pulse reverberates in your head during these frantic astral moments of transcendence, you suddenly find yourself returning to earth and to the serious reality of your situation. Do not panic as you struggle to breathe around the IVB in your throat, as you must avoid strangling on your own saliva. Remind yourself that the steps to freedom are much quicker and easier than the process which brought you up to this point. Without even thinking about it, you rapidly dismount from Krakatoa and yank him away from your overwhelmed ass as you collapse onto the bed. The simplest way to immediately relieve any panic is by releasing your head from its torments. Deactivate the IVB's speed-dial. You might be able to pull the folded sock out from under the leather straps behind your head, and this instantly causes the whole O-Ring gag appartus to become slightly more loose, thus assisting your efforts to breathe around the IVB. Find the key to the little padlock and be careful as you handle it because your fingers are slippery with semen and mucous. Undo the lock and slip it back out of the tiny loop through the slot of the leather strap, unfasten the buckle and remove the O-Ring gag. The IVB finally pops back out of your tired mouth, tendrils of drool dangle from your face and toys, and the rest of the downward momentum proceeds more calmly.

Lie quietly for a minute as your panting slows and you gradually catch your breath. You might find that all the perspiration is making you feel a bit chilly after your exercises which had warmed all your muscles so well. In the past, this would sometimes be the point at which i suddenly dozed off, a common occurrence with many men during post-ejaculatory bliss. But your rubber toys must be lovingly cleaned to prevent the grease from ruining their material, so it's a good idea to slowly make yourself move around and keep going. As your head stops spinning and your senses recede from their demonic overstimulation, you are overcome by a total feeling of peace and sentiments of contentment.

Wash the dildos lovingly in lots of warm soapy water, then rinse thoroughly and let them dry before putting them away. The raunchy damp sheets and towels may be stripped from the playspace and tossed in the laundry, revealing the clean bed underneath which is ready for you to take a well-deserved nap. But before taking this rest, you will feel better with a nice long shower. As you clean the grease and jizz off your body, washing the sweat out of your hair and the snots off your skin, remind yourself appreciatively of the beautiful functionality of your body. Thank your toys, your friends, the musical magicians, the visual artists, the dildo craftsmen, and all those who have provided the elements which are incorporated into the day's recipe. As the scum and soap are rinsed down the drain, feel the last dregs of your tensions fall away, replaced by a sense of wondrous satisfaction and gratitude for all that makes this day enjoyable.

After you are clean and dry, take the Curly~Q (#28) and insert it gently into your ass. It nestles comfortably in its place, perfectly touching your sensitive regions on the inside but not slipping back out so long as you don't squeeze nor bear down too forcefully. Go have that well-deserved nap, retaining the Curly~Q up your butt while you slumber, and dream of all the sexy men who touch you inside and out.

There is a final step in this recipe which may help you to increase your own appreciation of the procedures while passing them along to others. This is the sharing of the spell. As with most recipes, some of the value and enjoyment depends on how readily it can all be conveyed to your friends and any other potentially interested parties. Some of what we do is of course quite private, and there is no rule that our most personal acts need to be demonstrated completely in order for us to totally realize and take pleasure in them. But by showing the ingredients, attitudes, approaches and outcomes to our friends, we may enhance and reinforce the values which exercise, nourish, and entertain us. Perhaps you might assist your friends with their dildos, and affectionately treat them to kindness. If some toys, music, sights, thoughts and efforts seem especially wonderful to you, then you could try to write them down, and maybe even reproduce the best results on future occasions, alone or with other sexy folks.

Some of these efforts can be straightforward and matter-of-fact.

Some of our ideas can be nurtured and hatched, seen to fruition, and continued in gradual cycles.

Some of our spells can be recursively rewarding and rife with fantasy.

I hope you will find joy in your most extreme moments, and learn how to share them honestly, sincerely, with a genuine enthusiasm for the finest sexual, magical, diabolical, eudaemonistic teledildonix.

Some of my best recipes apparently involve greasing, frothing, quaking, erupting, and bubbling.

Tuesday evening i was too exhausted to do much of anything, but i did help Tony cook a healthy dinner. We had fusilli spiral noodles with sesame tahini, peanut sauce, shredded carrot, thinly sliced green bell pepper, cauliflower, green peas, purple cabbage, seasonings and spices. After our meal i almost dozed off again on the bed as we listened to old music from Neotropic, XTC, and the Orb. Dear, silly, sexy Tony spooned up against me as my eyes drooped shut, and began pressing his boner up against my well-exercised butthole. I became wide awake again as he started pumping my ass with his uncut cock, until he finally filled my butthole merrily with his semen. I wanked for a minute until my cum spewed again too; i believe the THC prescription helps augment my appetites for food and sex. We wiped up, then watched our videotaped episodes of The Rick Mercer Report, The Halifax Comedy Festival, and Ken Finkleman's At the Hotel. Tony wanted to make some chocolate syrup, so he slowly heated sugar, cocoa, corn syrup, and a pinch of salt in a non-stick saucepan while stirring constantly. After the chocolate concoction cooled he stored it in an airtight container. We fell asleep and i stayed in bed until the following afternoon (April 5th).

When i got up Wednesday i brewed a pot of coffee and we added some of the chocolate syrup to our mugs. I shaved, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and went out to fetch the snail-mail. I walked over to the apartment complex rental office to retrieve a package which was too wide to fit in our mailbox, saying "hello" to Shelly the manager there. The latest album from Saafi Brothers arrived: Liquid Beach. When i returned to our apartment i ripped this onto my hard drive of music and we enjoyed its rich electronic melodies. From our wide northwestern window i spied dozens of sailboats gathered on the Bay despite the absence of strong winds; apparently a new season of the usual Wednesday afternoon races had commenced again. A kayaker passed South Hill at 17:54PDT, their paddles sparkling reflectively in the bright sunshine. A visit to the webpages of MixMaster Morris led me to find a couple of his previously unavailable chill-out ambient mixes, so i downloaded several hours from a session recorded in 1994. I spent the rest of the night writing about my week's pleasures while more musical treasures drifted from the Cerwin-Vega and KLH speakers. I heard a couple old discs by MMM and Pete Namlook: Dreamfish and Dreamfish 2 as Thursday morning began (April 6th). At 4:20AM i found myself in a cheerful mood, grinning widely as the sounds tickled my ears and my fingers tapped at the keyboard.

dildos

Transcend - the artwork of Stevee Postman

Previous Entry
Next Entry

Go back to diary index.
Go to my personal web pages.
Go to my public home pages. [opens in new window]