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2005 October 3rd Monday 23:22PDT - so tight and yet so vast

Saturday afternoon i snacked on a six-ounce container of Tillamook "Northwest Berry Patch" yogurt, and split a large nectarine with Tony. After shaving and going over my head with the clippers again (to keep the little "mohawk" strip tidy) i was taking a shower when Tony answered a knock at the front door. It was the mailman delivering my order from Pomegranate with calendars for 2006 and some cards, all illustrated by Susan Seddon Boulet. I spent a while douching, then took a break and had some miso broth. I dissolved mellow red miso paste in hot water with a few drops of mirin, shoyu, peanut oil, and rice vinegar, then seasoned it with cracked white peppercorns, powdered ginger, kelp granules and dulse flakes. Before sunset Tony and i had some small sandwiches on whole wheat bread with hummus, fresh bean sprouts, and leaves of red chard; then we had Red Zinger tea with honey and saccharine, and "bridge mix" for dessert (chocolate covered peanuts, raisins, almonds, and malted milk balls).

In the evening i continued my ablutions on the Shower-Shot, until my ass was squeaky clean and ready for playtime. Tony and i had some more coffee flavored with orange and vanilla extracts and ground cardamom-- the caffeine perked me up and made me feel like getting some exercise. I also consumed some capsules of kavalactones, yohimbe, ginseng, and prescription THC. I played some discs by Mouse On Mars on the stereo in the side room next to my bathroom while i was enjoying my personal hygiene time. When playing with my various ass-toys i usually prefer to start with something narrow, approximately the thickness of a real penis. So i gently began working my ass open with #25~ Rubber Penis ButtPlug, followed by #23~ Smoothulator, verifying that my colon was ultra-clean as i applied both oil-based and water-based lubricants (generic Crisco and liquid-K-Y-gel). Satisfied with my thorough enema activity as usual, i then spent a while setting up my playspace. I cover the bed with vinyl sheets and tuck them in around the edges, then covered everything with a few old sheets and towels; this allows any amount of cum, piss, sweat and lubricants to be flung around without soaking through to the bed. It's convenient when done playing later to be able to just pull the sheets and towels off, toss them in the laundry, and have a nice clean bed underneath in which to fall asleep.

I felt like playing with #5~ JuniorKevinDean, and i cranked him in and out of my ass at high speed. Feeling very relaxed, relatively energized, and rather stoned, i wished to use some wider items. So the next dildo which i retrieved from the toybox was #17~ Shawn'sDong. Using his suction-cup base, i affixed him to the plank against the wall next to the bed, then backed up to him on my hands and knees. I was able to stuff his entire length up my ass, all the way to his balls, and then i rode him for a long time. When my knees and upper legs were tired from humping in that position, i decided to take #19~ Spelunker and squat over him, lowering myself down his long, thick, tapered shaft. I held him against the bed as i bounced repeatedly, sometimes pulling myself all the way off to allow his wide head to pop out of my hole, then cramming as much back in as i could. I generally took half to two-thirds of his length while thrusting at a fast pace in that squatting position.

My body felt like it needed a rest-- although my ass never seems to tire, my back and legs and arms can't play forever. So i fully inserted the #38~ Bronze Silicone ButtPlug into my butt, then sat on a towel in the comfortable chair at my desk. Listening to some lovely tunes on the Reich Remixed disc, i daydreamed about my deceased friend Shawn McFetridge as i gazed at several posters, paintings by Susan Seddon Boulet. I was spaced out, in a terrific mood, feeling peaceful (but very horny), and my mind wandered through old memories of some of the wild acid-trips and ecstasy-flips we had experienced when we lived together in Vermont. At certain moments, i almost felt like i was on the verge of "flashback" sorts of sensations, recalling the emotional and mental states as though they were very recent, although they'd actually taken place many years earlier. Wow, we sure did smoke a huge amount of marijuana in the 90s, and i don't know how many dozens of times we took acid (LSD) and ecstasy (MDMA), often simultaneously. Some of those intense moments from a previous decade were burned into my mind, blazing instants when certain feelings were indescribably powerful. On this evening in October i was not nearly as high, but certainly feeling delighted as i reminisced.

The next musical selection in the playlist was the Ethno-Techno compilation, beginning with some weird samples in which i heard the name of John Peel, and then a cool song by Juno Reactor. I went to the Lion's Lair on Yahoo Games and played a round of 5Faan MahJong with my friends, secretly holding the Bronze Buttplug inside myself the whole time. After more than a half-hour of physical rest, i felt like i could get some more exercise, so i left my iMac and returned to the bed. The Radical Beauty compilation began to play, featuring a continuous mix of many delicious tunes. The G-Force Visualizer for iTunes was blending various photos and short video clips into the elaborate patterns created in response to the music, and i noticed a picture of my dear friend Jace morphing into the colorful swirls. As i thought about sexy Jace, i rode the Shawn'sDong toy against the wall, stretching my ass open happily.

Feeling capable of something huge, i took my amazing dildo Bam from the toybox (#4). I rode him in a kneeling position on the bed, managing to insert almost his entire length, pushing my ass downward until my cheeks were only millimeters away from his balls, and his massive thickness made me feel so incredibly stuffed inside. I worked up quite a sweat as i bounced and yanked myself up and down on him joyfully. When the song "Hall Of Mirrors" by MixMaster Morris began to play, i took a couple whiffs from a bottle of poppers, and really went wild. Bam was driving me to the edge of orgasm as i wedged him between my feet and stuffed myself full of his firm, textured rubber. I stopped touching my cock because i wanted to hold back and avoid ejaculating yet; but a first blob of cum dripped out of me anyway, as i was so close. I slowed the pace at which i was riding the huge dildo for a couple minutes, then gradually began humping faster and faster. Finally allowing myself to masturbate again as i flung myself up and down on Bam, i had an ecstatic mind-bending orgasm, squirting another seven or eight thick, white blobs on the sheets. It seemed like the peak sensations had been stretched out and extended for those several minutes as i was dildoing crazily, and i felt an exhausted sort of satisfaction as i yanked Bam out of my ass and splayed my body across the sheets, panting and giggling.

I took another break from my exercise (as i just don't have the vigor which i used to possess a few years ago) and washed up a bit. I steeped a mug of black tea with yerba maté, and ate a handful of Wheat Thins crackers dipped in some more hummus. Feeling stimulated by caffeine again, i went back to my playspace and chose to spend a while with #10~ Krakatoa, the gigantic vibrating dildo. My ass was very cooperative as i stuffed his wide, flared head into my butt, then engulfed at least half of his shaft. Humping and squirming in a variety of positions, i was thrilled by the buzzing sensation as i turned up the vibrator's speed-dials. I was fantasizing about my sexy friend Ken in Massachusetts, as he and i are both huge dildo fans, and i daydreamed about some of the heavy ass-play we'd had over the years. Ken had recently told me about how he was now able to get fisted, and i found myself thinking about how much i'd enjoy thrusting some of my biggest toys into him.

The next music which i enjoyed was the album Don Solaris by 808 State. I decided to take a rest from all my exertions with Krakatoa, and went back to Bam for some less bouncy (but equally stretchy) activity. I squatted over him and inserted about three-quarters of his length, then pushed his base back up to the board against the wall and stuck his suction-cup to it at a comfortable height. This allowed me to relax on my hands and knees, leaning forward so my face and chest were against the bed as i reached under myself. Tony was in his room playing around on his iMac, and i found myself contemplating all the intense sexual and emotional interactions that we'd had for almost fifteen years. Even when he's not in the room with me, i sometimes feel turned on by his presence, so completely comfortable with the way we relate on different levels. I was squeezing my cock and balls as i slowly ground my ass against the massive dildo, imagining all sorts of hot scenarios with sexy Tony.

Eventually i pulled myself all the way off Bam, and went back to a squatting position on the bed as i lowered myself onto Shawn'sDong. I bounced for a while with the head of the Dong pointing forward, towards my prostate, then turned him around one hundred eighty degrees and rode him facing the other way. Either direction felt equally wonderful, and a few drops of seminal fluids leaked from the tip of my dick as i was working up another sweat. I wish i could get this much exercise on a more regular basis, but lately it seems like i'm lucky if i have the energy to romp three or four times per month at most. It sure is different from when i was in my early twenties, and i had the strength to play almost every day. [This photo from a different occasion shows some of my toys: Bam, Shawn's Dong (labeled as "SeanMichaels", after his pornstar namesake), and Spelunker (labled by its manufacturers as "Czar"), the dispenser of water-based K-Y lubricant, and crisco. This other photo from a couple years ago shows Bam and Smoothie next to a twelve-inch ruler.]

Tony emerged from his room briefly and i took a break to have a cup of tea with him, caffeine-free Red Zinger with rosehips and vitamin C this time. The Lookupd daemon in my stupid OS X 10.3.9 went out of control and i had to reboot my iMac to get it back to normal. I washed most of my dildos in the kitchen sink, then i put the Bronze Silicone Buttplug back up my ass and sat at my desk while listening to In To The Mix II- The 2nd Coming. A photo of my gorgeous friend Josh was blended into the G-Force visualizer, and i found myself imagining silly sexual fantasies involving him and a few of his clones.

After fiddling around with my computer for a while, i went back to my bed and gathered a variety of elaborate sextoys. The next compilation which played on the stereo was Cafe del Mar- Volume Ocho which my delicious friend Travis had given to me. I thought about Travis and the many happy years during which we had lived together in Vermont. At this point during the night, i was too tired physically to accomplish any further vigorous exercise, but i was still horny enough to mess around with the gear for a while. I used a two-snap leather ball-stretcher to squeeze my scrotum and stimulate my testicles as they were distended downward, then i snapped a leather cock-ring around the base of my genitalia. I squirted some water-based lube over the surface of my #27~ Inflatable Vibrating ButtPlug and slipped it into my ass. I pumped its inflator-bulb a few times and enjoyed the way it expanded inside me, then i pushed its speed-dial about halfway up, purring happily as it seemed to buzz somewhere near my tailbone and lower spine.

I have an inflatable butterfly gag whose hose threads through a hole in the front of my five-strap leather head-harness. This gag filled and stretched my cheeks as i fit the whole thing into my mouth. In order to prevent chafing under my chin, i folded a silk handkerchief and wedged it in place as i pressed the head-harness up against my face. One by one i fastened the five straps: the first around my face and behind my head, the second around my throat at the adam's apple and behind my neck, the third under my chin and over the top of my head near my ears, the fourth from above my forehead over my crown and up the back of my head, and the fifth around my forehead above my ears. I adjusted them all to the proper maximum tightness which held the leather firmly against me but didn't pinch terribly. Next, i adjusted my locking O-ring gag which is on leather straps; the rubber tube of the inflatable gag went through the steel O-ring and hung down in front of me, and i threaded the O-ring gag's leather straps behind the tight straps of the head-harness, and fastened the buckle behind my neck. I locked the buckle with one of the very small padlocks from a set of four which are all identical and all use the same matching keys. Now the apparatus was not only tight, it was impossible to move the huge rubber gag more than a millimeter one way or another.

The next piece of gear which i donned was my locking leather hood. First i loosened the laces in back, then i pulled it carefully over my head and slipped the rubber tube and inflation bulb of the gag through the mouth opening; the two grommet holes were positioned below my nostrils. I carefully pulled the laces very tight, tied the ends off, and pushed them inside underneath the overlapping leather flaps running down the back of my head. I tightened the leather collar which encircled the bottom of the hood and buckled it in back, so there was now no way to reach the laces. I locked this buckle with another of the tiny padlocks. Just like the buckle on the O-Ring gag, this one had an eye-hole at the tip of the small swinging metal bar which goes through the slots in the strap, so there's no way to undo it once the padlock has been snapped shut through the eye-hole.

With so much rubber in my mouth and leather over my head, my breathing was already very slightly constricted, and it took a bit of effort to draw air through my nose as i struggled to swallow while the gag pushed back towards my throat-- and i hadn't even begun to inflate the gag yet. The hood had a hard leather eyepiece which snapped into place over the two eye openings, but it seemed like a tiny bit of light managed to sneak through underneath the bottom edge, or perhaps through the grommets at my nostrils. So i took my soft padded blindfold and wedged it under the lower edge of the hood's eye covering, and fastened it tightly behind my head with its velcro closure. This caused a bit more pressure over the bridge of my nose which seemed to further constrict my breathing slightly, and i was now in absolute darkness. There was no way for me to see anything, my hearing was slightly muffled by the hood, i could only breathe by laboriously working air through my nose or around the edges of the large rubber gag, and there was no simple way to escape any of this. Freedom was far away, requiring elaborate efforts of unlocking, unfastening, and untying; no amount of struggling would provide any easy release. I had a big boner as i sat meditating in the horny darkness which reeked of leather, rubber, and sweat.

I blindly felt along the edge of the shelf next to the bed and found the bottle of poppers. Carefully unscrewing the cap, i held it up to the grommets at my nostrils and inhaled deeply. I held my breath as the acrid nitrites filled my senses, then exhaled slowly. I repeated this a couple times, and my head was spinning, swirling in the darkness, dizzy in the black space which was so tight and yet so vast at the same time. I conscientiously screwed the cap back on the bottle and placed it back on the shelf; my senses of touch and smell seemed heightened as my vision was elminated and my hearing was reduced. My pulse was pounding in my head; was it really that loud, or was it just an exaggeration in my awareness at the moment? The sound of each breath seemed to fill my mind. I squeezed my dick with my right hand, and found the inflation bulb of the butterfly gag with my left.

Very slowly, luxuriating in every moment of these sensations, i squeezed the bulb and felt the gag expanding in my mouth. As it swelled and pushed back into my throat, i could barely manage to get a hiss of air around it. After the sixth or seventh squeeze, it was inflated enough to completely stop my breathing. There was an indescribably crazy, dizzy, taut sensation as i intentionally pushed myself to the edge of a sort of state of panic. Then i twisted the little release valve which unscrews at the neck of the inflation bulb, allowing the rubber gag to deflate slowly as i managed to laboriously choke some air into my lungs again. I kept repeating this act, pushing myself, swimming in the weird feelings which are incomparable to any sane moment of day-to-day life. Then i carefully found the bottle of poppers again, inhaled some more nitrites in the darkness, and turned the speed-dial of the vibrator up to maximum.

I gave the vibrator's inflator bulb a few more squeezes; it expanded so much inside my ass, it felt like it must have been wider than Bam or Krakatoa, and its powerful buzzing sensation seemed to rattle my tailbone and pelvis. Then i squeezed the inflator bulb of the rubber gag, gently and carefully expanding it until i could no longer breathe again. I let go of the bulb, and felt my throat involuntarily attempting to retch or gag, but it couldn't really accomplish anything, couldn't get any air in or out. I shuddered and wriggled, squirming and luxuriating in the sensation of panic; then i untwisted the release valve, allowing a slow exhalation. My heart was pounding tremendously, and i made myself slowly catch my breath around the gag until i felt sort of calm again. Then i pumped it back up, hissing a final breath inward as it closed off my throat. Spinning, floating, falling, swirling in total blackness, i rubbed my cock with one hand while squeezing my distended balls with the other. My muscles contracted involuntarily as i ejaculated, causing my back to arch, bumping the back of my head against the wall, shuddering and convulsing as i felt warm semen running over my hands and crotch.

Then for a moment after i orgasmed, as is always the case when i play this game, there was a sudden sensation of panic so overwhelming, i almost felt like i was past the point of losing control of my own body. My slippery fingers scrambled blindly, and the muscles in my throat were flexing but couldn't get any air. Then i managed to untwist the valve, and suddenly found i could get a breath in my lungs again, although it was quite an effort. The amount of saliva which had filled the back of my mouth was threatening to choke me; i could breathe, but i was afraid i might get fluid into my lungs by accident. These thoughts always fly through my mind at a million miles per second during those desperate moments after i cum, and i think i'm sort of hooked on the thrill in a weird way. With air in my lungs again, i was able to force myself to calm down a little bit.

I ripped the velcro blindfold away, then yanked the eye-cover from its two snaps, blinking in the dim light as my vision returned. I found the keys on the edge of the shelf next to the bed and unlocked the buckle behind my neck. This allowed me to feel under the edge of the hood so i could get the laces back out. Then i willed myself to very carefully and delicately untie the laces, making sure i didn't accidentally knot them as i hurriedly grabbed and untangled the ends. I loosened them enough to pull the back of the hood farther open, and yanked the whole thing up off my head, tugging as the gag's inflator bulb popped backwards through the mouth opening. I could feel the drool which had completely soaked the silk handkerchief and was running under my chin behind the straps. Using the same key, i unlocked the buckle of the O-ring gag, and this released more of the tightness around my face, letting me breathe a little bit better. Then working from years of practise, i quickly undid each of the five straps of the head harness, and yanked it all free as the rubber butterfly finally fell from my mouth. Sweating, sniffling and panting, i gradually returned to a state of calm. I wiped the drool off my face and throat with some paper towels, then thoroughly wiped all the leather gear.

I washed the rubber gag and inflatable vibrating buttplug in the kitchen sink, then finished putting away all of my toys and tidied my room. After stripping the raunchy sheets off my bed and tossing them into the laundry basket in the closet in the back room, i folded up the vinyl sheets which had been underneath. Then i stretched out on the clean bed and took a little nap. After a short period of rest, i awoke Sunday morning and made a fresh pot of coffee with Tony. Stimulated with caffeine again, i slipped the Bronze Silicone ButtPlug back up my happy ass and sat at my desk. I tweaked my Yahoo Profiles and listed my occupation as "eudaemonistic humanism". There are no results when i use Google to search for this exact phrase. What i mean by "eudaemonistic" is: desiring to make happiness the primary goal in my system of ethics; what i mean by "humanism" (or "secular humanism", as some people say) is: an emphasis on the capacity for self-realization through reason, and rejection of religion and superstition.

The soundtrack to the motion picture Legend played peacefully on the stereo, featuring melodies by Tangerine Dream and Jon Anderson. I went back to the Lion's Lair and played a game of 5Faan+ MahJong with some strangers. I had the buttplug happily nestled inside myself the entire time. My best hand was 10Faan with 3200 Tile Points, and i put the snapshot on the pi314mj420 profile i was using at the time.

My ass was still impecabbly clean, and i still felt sort of horny, but my body was rather tired. I took Bam and the Bronze Silicone to the bathroom. I inserted Bam all the way into my ass until his balls were up against my perineum, then i placed him on the corner of the countertop of the bathroom vanity. I had to stand on my tip-toes in order to do this, because of the height of the counter. When i relaxed my feet and settled into a slightly lower position, it forced Bam inside me in an excruciatingly delightful way. I could fuck myself with him diabolically by simply flexing my feet up and down. At the same time, i pushed the Silicone into my mouth until it was clogging my throat. Then i forced myself to hold my breath and deep-throat this toy repeatedly. Viciously stuffing myself at both ends, i soon wanked another powerful orgasm out of my cock, staggering forward away from the countertop as my muscles buckled involuntarily. I yanked the Silicone out of my mouth, a bit of drool hanging from my chin, and pulled Bam all the way back out of my ass triumphantly. Then i dropped to the floor and licked up the blobs of semen as i caught my breath.

I washed my toys and took a long shower. Then i spent a while in the kitchen cleaning the Brita filtration system, as i do every fortnight. Sunday was grey and rainy, and a smattering of rainshowers continued into the afternoon. There was a gigantic fishing ship leaving Squalicum Harbor, and it was pulled out into the middle of the Bay by two Foss tugboats which then turned it around, and it left under its own power as clouds of diesel pollution rose from its stacks. A flock of about twenty greyish-brown geese landed near the waterfront, and a couple seals sat atop the breakwater. I tried to read the fishing vessel's name as i used Tony's binoculars then his small telescope, but i couldn't quite make out the letters. They appeared to be in a Cyrillic alphabet, so i imagine it was a Russian ship, perhaps in these waters for salmon season.

I took another capsule of Marinol (THC) and then went out for lunch with Tony. I drove us downtown in his truck and we stopped at the ATM. I kept getting terrible cramps in my right foot, so i asked him to drive the rest of the way. We went to Shari's diner on the Guide Meridian and had an enormous meal. First we had deep-fried appetizers of Southern-style breaded chicken strips, Buffalo-style spicy chicken strips, wide onion rings, and mozzarella sticks, with a variety of sauces (ranch, barbecue, and marinara). Then we had delicious healthy butternut squash soup. Tony's entrée consisted of a Manhattan Reuben corned-beef sandwich on rye with Thousand Island dressing and cole slaw, plus seasoned-fries and a pickle on the side; my entrée was a couple large fried fishcakes (halibut, i think) and seven or eight deep-fried jumbo shrimp, with cocktail sauce and tartar sauce, and home-fried potatoes on the side. Shari's had a sale on whole pies, so i bought a super pecan pie to bring home.

Tony drove us home (my foot was still a tiny bit painful, and i don't know whether this is related to peripheral neuropathy) and we lied around for the rest of the afternoon on my bed. We watched our videotape of Saturday Night Live, and i had two slices of pie with some Goo-Goo-Cluster ice cream on top (it's chocolate ice cream with bits of marshmallow and fudge ripple). Completely exhausted by all my exercise, i fell asleep again, and remained in bed for over sixteen hours. While i was sleeping Tony went back to his room to watch some more television and use his computer, then he slept for many hours too.

I awoke Monday afternoon and masturbated again, then got cum all over my fingers and licked it up. Tony also woke up and emerged from his room. "What time is it?" i asked.

"2:22pm," he answered. I shaved, then brewed a pot of coffee with a drop of almond extract. We watched our videotape of Malcolm in the Middle and American Dad. Stimulated by caffeine, i felt motivated and productive, so i decided to clean my bathroom. I ran the exhaust fan and also our Vornado fans to help alleviate the fumes of the cleansers. I sprayed a tile-cleaner with bleach over all of the fiberglass shower walls and the porcelain bathtub. Then i scrubbed with a sponge and rinsed it away, using my handy variable-spray shower-head which is attached to a long flexible hose. I used some Spic-N-Span detergent powder to scrub my toilet, then the sink in the vanity. After sponging them until the soap was gone and they were sparkling, i washed every square inch of the floor. The fans blew, and when everything was dry again i put everything away, then used a glass-cleaner to do the mirrors over the vanity. It was so nice to have a shiny bathroom again. Tony helped repair the drain-stopper in the sink which had come loose.

As the sun set, it was nearly touching the shoulder of Orcas Island, rapidly swinging farther South with each passing day. We made a healthy stir-fried dinner while listening to jazz music in the kitchen. The fresh vegetables we used were broccoli, green and yellow bell peppers, carrot, celery, daikon radish, green onions, bean sprouts, zucchini, and red chard stems; and we had some frozen corn niblets. We marinated a package of pre-cooked imitation crab legs which were made of pollack with texturized wheat and soy ingredients mixed with real crab extracts then shaped into very convincing pieces. The marinade consisted of Wing Nien Double-Hi brand soy sauce, with Thai fish sauce and SriRacha chili sauce, oyster sauce, "duck" sauce (which is vaguely related to sweet-and-sour or hoisin sauce), minced ginger root, chopped garlic, pomegranate molasses, cane molasses, fresh-squeezed lime juice, a splash of cran-raspberry juice, a pinch of white sugar, corn starch, MSG, and a "Five-Spice" blend (cinnamon, cloves, white pepper, powdered star anise, and fennel seeds). We slowly toasted a cup of raw cashew pieces in peanut oil and safflower oil, then stir-fried them with the vegetables (firmest first, softest last), tossing everything with some of the marinade liquid in the wok over a high flame. We added the crab and the rest of the liquid, then heated for another minute until the sauce was thickened by the cornstarch. Meanwhile, we had been simmering some healthy grains: quinoa and cous-cous seasoned with salt, pepper, cumin, onion, garlic, ginger, and butter. We made beds of the grains in wide flat bowls, then spooned the stir-fry on top, and served. After our tasty meal i refrigerated the leftovers while Tony washed the dishes. We chuckled as we heard an old song by Mel Tormé and the Marty Paich Orchestra-- the "Velvet Fog" crooned and be-bopped to a scintillating arrangement on a recording from 1960.

For dessert we had pecan pie à la mode (Goo-Goo-Cluster ice cream on top) which was extremely sweet and satisfying. "I'm drooling!" giggled Tony. We kissed, laughing as we fondled each other.



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