Go back to diary index.
Go to my personal web pages.
Go to my public home pages. [opens in new window]
2005 January 30th Sunday 01:45PST - The thoughts you send
Tuesday the 25th, just before midnight, the fog was too thick for us to even see across the street. I heated some leftover meatloaf and potato for Tony, and also prepared some zucchini, onions and tomato with herbs which we enjoyed. We watched our videotape of Scrubs, and also discussed our options for television and internet service. At some point, i think we'll get rid of the Comcast cable TV, and perhaps only continue the broadband subscription. We also have been considering switching to DSL, but the service providers are just so detestable here. I really miss the Verizon services which i had when i lived in Vermont-- in addition to getting excellent deals on all subscriptions with my employee discount, i felt that their quality was higher and their outages so infrequent as to be nearly unnoticeable. Here in Bellingham, Qwest and Comcast monopolize the information utility sector, and they are two of the worst companies around. Our cable-modem is constantly losing signal; on bad days, as many as five or even ten times in an hour. This is extremely irritating when trying to play a network game, for example. But i keep reminding myself to be grateful that i live in a community with these utilities. I have to remember that there are billions of people who don't even have computers, telephones, televisions, or even electricity.
We watched the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and lied around on my bed until i fell asleep during the early hours of Wednesday the 26th. I was awakened shortly before 11:00PST by the red helicopter passing overhead a couple times. Tony was gone, having moved to his own bed at some point. I masturbated, wiped up, and twiddled on my iMac for a while. Then i brewed a pot of coffee, flavored with mint flakes and Pasano's chocolate mint syrup. On the Bay, there were still many trees and branches floating around from the storms of a few days earlier; birds and even a couple seals sat atop them as the tide washed them toward the shore. A thin patchy fog covered portions of the sea toward the Georgia Strait, but didn't quite blot the view of the Canadian Coastal Range, which had now lost most of its snow. The blue and white mist gave the city a soft appearance as it wafted from southwest to northeast up over the cliffs and harbors, drifting beyond the hills.
I spent several hours reviewing some of my old writing, making corrections and editing small typographical errors. I heard the helicopter again at 15:46PST. Tony had awakened and said "hi"; i offered him the rest of the leftover coffee. I wasn't hungry, but i sucked on some chocolate malted milk balls; i figured some empty calories were better than no calories at all. After dark, the fog lifted enough to reveal the Grouse Mountain ski area; then the sky became quite overcast again, as an occasional airplane came and went from the local airport, or from British Columbia. I watched some of the porno Hammered which Kenny had given us, and masturbated happily. It was a good video, with the fourth scene in particular turning me on as the dildo-play and fisting was quite excellent. I listened to a re-broadcast of a live mix by MNO from April 25th, 2004 on Dub Beautiful Collective.
After i had ingested some THC, i felt like having a high-calorie dinner. So i went over to Arby's on North Samish Way and brought home a heap of food to share with Tony: chicken bacon swiss sandwiches, mozzarella sticks, onion petals, and jalapeño poppers. The thermometer on West Holly Street said the temperature was 10C (51F); it was certainly warm for January, and quite damp as usual. After supper, we browsed through the television listings and listened to some jazz on the radio. I asked Tony to cuddle with me on my bed, and i fell asleep by midnight. At 04:00PST, we got up to use the bathroom, and Tony needed an antacid because of all the salty heavy food we'd consumed. The dazzling moon was illuminating the sky between gaps in the clouds, and some of the stars were very bright. We were both wide awake, so we put Strong-Armed-1 back in the VCR, and listened to BeatBlender on SomaFM. In the morning, as sunshine dappled the surface of the bay from between breaks in the overcast sky, we had our coffee. The red helicopter flew past the seashore at 09:52PST.
We watched The Daily Show, and flipped through the cable channels while deriding their putrid content. Then we listened to funky music from Dublab while we spent time in the kitchen. Tony toasted a half pound of wheat germ in small batches in the Calphalon non-stick skillet. Small amounts of this would be used later in many recipes, such as pancakes, breakfast cereal, and perhaps in a dough when making pizza crust. I had a can of mandarin orange segments in light syrup; i separated the fruit from the liquid, then used the blender to purée the syrup with pomegranate molasses, half of a frozen banana, a dollop of honey, a couple ounces of whole milk yogurt, a few spoonfuls of almond slivers, a spoonful of toasted sunflower seeds, a drop of pineapple extract, and dashes of cinnamon, mace, cloves and allspice. After it was smooth, i recombined the purée with the oranges and stored them in the refrigerator; this would be a good sauce to put on oatmeal, and other recipes.
At mid-day, Tony made lovely blueberry pancakes, using a blend of whole wheat and white flours, some of the wheat germ, and berries which we'd had in the freezer since they were in season here months ago. We served them with butter and the orange fruit sauce. The afternoon was overcast and warm, so we had the windows wide open. Jay Tripwire played a live set at Ohm 2002 which was re-broadcast on the L'Électrique broadband stream from SomaFM. A few seagulls squawked near the breakwater at the foot of the cliffs below our street, and an occasional sailboat and fishing vessels passed in and out of the Bay.
Before sunset, we lied together on my bed and took a nap. We slept for about four hours altogether, until about 20:00PST. I awoke a couple times from silly dreams; in one, i remembered these random bits: there are some sort of zombified creatures, undead, skeletons, and they are chasing me and some friends. Our only defense is this strange umbrella device which we hold above our heads, and it creates a sort of shield, spraying electrical sparks in all directions, like a sprinkler of energy. Wherever it touches the skeletons (such as on the bones of their arms and fingers) they are damaged, and stop creeping after us. It feels strangely disturbing to be pursued by these horrible things which are almost unstoppable; at best, we can only slow them down as we run, fleeing in terror. It feels frightening, and several times i despair and nearly give up. There were other stupid nonsensical bits to these dreams which i don't recall very clearly. It seemed pointless to be bothered by images from my unconscious, but i couldn't help feeling slightly anxious each time i woke up. By the time we arose from my bed, however, i had come to think of them as almost comical, and wasn't disturbed anymore. The night was overcast, and i could see one of the ski areas in British Columbia, twinkling above the Lower Mainland roughly sixty kilometers away.
I decided to spend a long time in the kitchen making soup. First i took some slices of hard salami from the freezer, chopped them to bits, and heated them over a very low flame in a large pot. I added a few tablespoons of butter, a couple tablespoons of olive oil, half of a chicken bouillon cube, a couple teaspoons of minced garlic, and some grinds of rainbow peppercorns. When this had rendered some fat from the salami, I shredded several large fronds of kelp and chopped half of an onion and blended them into the pot. Then i diced an extra-large turnip and four small red potatoes and added them to the mixture, stirring occasionally. I opened a small can of mushroom pieces and added the whole thing, including the liquid. Meanwhile, i diced a few stalks of celery, peeled and diced a couple broccoli stems, and chopped up a carrot and a small zucchini. As the pot simmered, i added about seven cups of cold filtered water and increased the flame. Then i carefully seasoned all of this with chives, coriander, fenugrek, lemongrass, dill, and tiny pinches of chili powder, thyme, cloves, tarragon, savory, marjoram, and a few more grinds of cracked pepper. I tossed all of the chopped vegetables into the pot which was now quite full (perhaps four liters of soup) then opened a small can of tomato sauce and blended it into the mixture. As all of this gradually began to bubble, i cleaned up the counter and washed up my utensils and cutting boards. Then i reduced the flame to a minimum and let it slowly cook, occasionally stirring.
While i had been cooking, Tony played a broadband stream from Jazzmusique on the speakers in his room and on his satellite speaker in kitchen. We had a couple of leftover sandwiches from Arby's: yummy Chicken Bacon Swiss. So i reheated those in the oven for about fifteen minutes, and then we enjoyed a lovely late supper at about 23:00PST. We never have any regular schedule, napping and eating whenever necessary. While Tony finished cleaning the dishes, i transferred the large amount of remaining soup into a big container and stored it in the refrigerator. Then we watched our videotape of The Daily Show while we had a bit of candy for dessert, and i took my usual pills.
We went back to sleep on my bed some time after 05:15PST, and i awoke just before noon on Friday the 28th. It was time to swallow a heap of medications again, and i brewed a pot of Colombian Arabica coffee flavored with orange and vanilla extracts and ground decorticated cardamom. The afternoon was partly sunny, with just a few high clouds, so i could see dozens of glacier-capped mountains (and a few volcanoes) in the Lower Mainland and on Vancouver Island across the Georgia Strait. I spent a while transferring a two-disc album (Hardkiss: Delusions of Grandeur) to someone online, but our horrible Comcast broadband connection kept dying every so often, interrupting the upload, and it took many times longer than necessary. Tony and i have been discussing a change in ISP, but sadly we can only find Qwest DSL as an alternative. Our experiences with Qwest as a local telephone provider have been very poor, and we doubt their broadband subscription would be significantly better than Comcast's. But at some point, we'll probably have to give it a try, when we finally lose all patience with this disgusting cable company. We also plan on cancelling our television subscription from Comcast this spring, because they refuse to offer à la carte pricing, and we can't abide all the disgusting TV networks receiving any portion of our payments. The state of major media in our culture is truly sad. As Wiley quipped in one of his recent Non Sequitur comics, "It just occurred to me that calling this era The Information Age was probably meant to be sardonic."
The Coast Guard's red helicopter flew past South Hill at 16:58PST, then continued to circle around the Whatcom Waterway for several minutes. I gave them the finger four times when they repeatedly passed close enough to our building for me to see the pilot from my window. One of their vessels plied the waters near the shore below State Street, its blue light flashing. There was no apparent reason for them to be here, they were probably on some pointless exercise, and it's a disgusting waste of taxpayer dollars for them to spin that damn helicopter around Bellingham Bay constantly. They practised various maneuvers, hovering and twirling, burning up hundreds of dollars per hour of aircraft-fuel. I took the garbage down to the dumpsters and fetched the snail-mail. Sprint (my long-distance telephone carrier) sent me a notice indicating my ability to opt-out of their marketing efforts. I wasted fifteen minutes going in circles on their Customer Care website trying to find a way to indicate my preference to opt-out. Finally, i gave up trying to complete this action online, and dialed their toll-free number for reviewing my account options. It took a while to work through their semantically idiotic menus until i was finally able to indicate my preferences. People are so fucking stupid, especially people in marketing, and in the military.
At 18:00PST, i had a bowl of toasted oatmeal cereal with wheat germ, rice dream, and leftover fruit-nut-sauce. I listened to some dubby tunes from OEM Radio, and i spent a while reading and writing, as i do most every day. Then i listened to the album Kin by Sounds From The Ground. Later in the evening, we watched our videotape of Enterprise, The Soup, Royal Canadian Air Farce, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, and Just for Laughs. After midnight, we went back to bed, masturbated again, and fell asleep. I awoke some time before 10:00PST on the morning of Saturday the 29th, masturbated yet again, and arose to find the day was sunny, the skies were blue, and Tony was already up.
We had our coffee, i ran the dot-Mac Backup software for my iMac, and i listened to In To The Mix by Pizzicato Five. During the afternoon, i listened to Last Train to Lhasa by Banco De Gaia, ate some yogurt with wheat germ, and drank some healthy miso broth with seaweeds, lemongrass, mirin, sesame oil, and ginger. Later, i listened to Point: from Nakameguro to Everywhere by Cornelius, and ate a bowl of leftover soup which i'd made two nights earlier. I browsed the forums at Goats.com as usual. Then i douched thoroughly, and took a luxurious shower.
I began opening my anal sphincter with the Purple Silicone Buttplug (#39). Then i squatted on the Smoothulator (#23) for a while. Using his suction-cup, i stuck Shawn'sDong (#17) to the wall of the shower, pushed my hole onto him, and slid back and forth to ream myself with his thick, squeezable, beautifully textured shaft. I played some music and ran the iTunes G-Force visualizer. I sat on my bed and watched a great porno: Layin' Pipe, which featured some very talented performers who loved to get fisted and dildoed. As i viewed the porno, i mounted my black, smooth, enormous friend Bounce (#9), and sat atop him for quite a while, keeping him about seven inches deep. Then i lifted myself up and down at a pleasant pace, fucking myself happily with this extra-large rubber toy, and tugged on my scrotum and rubbed my cock until i orgasmed, spasming on Bounce and spewing semen on the sheets. I slid off the giant dildo, licked up my cum, and then slipped the Purple Silicone back into my butt. Satisfied with my stretching exercises, i rested comfortably with the buttplug embedded for quite a while; then i played with some leather and rubber headgear, and fucked myself with the Silicone toy until i came again. At 23:00PST, i brewed some green tea with eleuthero ginseng, rosehips, peach flavor, and honey from Moses Lake, Washington; and ingested my usual anti-retroviral medications. I listened to the very trippy Love's Secret Domain by Coil, with its references to fisting and ejaculating ("Further back and deeper"... "teenage lightning"...); and the very funky Future Listening! and Sound Museum by Towa Tei (a former member of Deee-Lite whom my dead best friend Shawn McFetridge and i admired greatly). At the end, the vocalists sang:
Musical... musical android...
Everything we do is music.
Everything we do is (do is, we do is, we do is) music.
Tout ce qu'on fait, c'est de la musique.
Un robot est un principe des chantillonages.
A robot is a sampling principle.
Everything we do is music.
Sampling (principle)/ Sampling (principle).
A robot is a sampling principle.
Everything we do is (do is, we do is, we do is) music.
Everything we do is music.
Tony woke up from his nap to emerge from his room briefly, and i told him which toys had made me squirt; then he adjourned back to his bed to watch some television. I lit a Shin Mainichiko vanilla joss stick in the incense burner, then sat on my own bed again. I slipped my Bronze Silicone Buttplug (#38) into my ass, and meditated motionlessly, eyes shut, as the incredibly pretty music twinkled from the stereo surround system. Towa Tei's strings, samples and keyboards reminded me of all the years i'd lived with Shawn in Essex Junction, Vermont; we had every album by Towa Tei and Deee-Lite, and had listened to them on a number of occasions when we were tripping on LSD during the mid-1990s. Some of the memories seemed so fresh; but those trips were actually a decade ago, and Shawn has been gone for over two and a half years.
I still fantasize about him frequently. In my daydreams we're having wild sex, dildonic passion, squirtilicious joy. Thinking about him made me so horny again, i felt invigorated. I removed the Bronze buttplug, donned my yellow jockstrap, grey socks, and burgundy ShowTime Video shirt. Shawn and i had worked at ShowTime during the years he lived in Vermont, and this shirt which we had shared hung slightly large on his small frame, but was a little tight on my tall build. I snapped on a leather cock-ring and a one-inch wide scrotum-stretcher. Taking Krakatoa (#10) from the toybox, i positioned a pillow on the bed, then knelt next to it. I squished the pillow under my knees, putting some of my weight on the balls of my feet as i squatted, leaning forward slightly. I lubed Krakatoa ("the World's Largest Vibrating Rubber Dildo!") and wedged him behind me, holding him in place between my feet and the pillow as i rose up and aimed his enormous head toward my ass. Lowering my weight onto him, he slid against my perineum, guided by the jockstrap's elastic, and i settled downward until he was pressing very hard against my anus. Call Me by Deee-Lite was a CD-single which Shawn had given to me about six or seven years ago. As i watched the G-Force Visualizer for iTunes throbbing to the songs' rhythms, i imagined that i was seeing Shawn's eyes swirling in the colored patterns; i pretended that he winked at me, that he was singing along to the music with me, and that he was wiggling the dildo. I turned on one of Krakatoa's two speed-dials, cranking it all the way up, feeling the powerful buzz against my muscles. As i pushed, his head slowly eased me open and stretched my rectum until his widest flare was through my tightest spot. I found myself resting in a comfortable position, balanced with most of my weight on the vibrator, some on my feet, and some on my knees atop the pillow.
The visual patterns sparkled, danced, floated, squiggled, and morphed into shapes whose motions wielded a power of suggestion in my mind. I thought they were pointing toward some portal, some axis around which a dimensional door was revolving, some vortex where the asymptotic center of a spiral was leading to a dreamland where i would play with my beautiful friend from another time, following the rhythms of Deee-Lite's funkadelic grooves as my ass was grinding happily and my whole body shook, stimulated by the buzzing. I sniffed some Rush poppers for a few seconds, then activated the second speed-dial to maximum. As i swooned and my eyes drooped shut, we were dancing together, his impossible fantasy cock jammed so far up my ass it made my spine tingle. I rocked on the pillow and my feet, sliding up and down as several inches of Krakatoa jammed my rectum and i pretended it was Shawn's fists, or one of the Shawns' euDaemons' pseudopods. I picked up the Purple Silicone Buttplug in my left hand and the Bronze in my right, then i pressed them to my lips and slobbered on them. Taking a deep breath, i slid the Bronze into my throat until the airway was plugged, felt it coax my epiglottis open, and i swallowed several inches; it choked me exquisitely, and i pretended that Shawn's tasty penis was raping my face.
Lady Miss Kier Kirby sang Call Me:
It's always busy on your telephone line
Why don't you call me? call me?
You can call me any time
on my Hello-Happy-Line.
You can
call me... call me...
call me... call me...
You can call me any time
on my Hello-Happy-Line.
You can
call me... call me...
call me... call me...
In my special place where all the dildos' heads were bumping together, in that revolving door in my mind, i gagged with pleasure and wrenched on the vibrating monster with my sphincters. I called Shawn's Hello-Happy-Line and invited him to join my dionysiac ecstasy. We bounced, spun, dribbled, puffed, churned and gurgled. As the melodious tunes flowed, Lady Miss Kirby recited her poetry on Dewdrops in the Garden:
Music Selector Is The Soul Reflector
Give us the beat, the beat is pumping
Stomping and thumping
Slamming and jumping
Spirit of love, come to us
The DJ's peakin', peaking and tweakin',
Movin' and mixin', pitching and twitchin'
Music selector is the soul reflector
DMT (Dance Music Trance)
Coming down off the mountain
Everything is so clear
Coming down off the mountain
Let your fears disappear
Be my friend until the end
The river flows, the memory knows
We'll hold them near
The thoughts you send
I'll be your friend until the end
I began to ejaculate and the muscles in my legs ached, so exhausted they were actually trembling as i rocked and humped. I held the two silicone plugs in my mouth, pulled the yellow jockstrap aside with my left hand, and squeezed my genitals with my right. My semen squirted on the jock and the pillow, and i collapsed onto my left side with a groan. The purple and bronze fell from my mouth and i gripped Krakatoa with my right hand, carefully withdrawing him from where he was now overstimulating me. Another small involuntary cry came from my throat as he popped all the way back out; i turned his dials off, then sat up. After catching my breath, i stood up and stepped out of the jockstrap, then unsnapped the leather on my cock and balls. I pulled the ShowTime T-shirt off over my head, and felt cooler as i perspired and panted. With meticulous care, i slipped the Bronze Silicone Buttplug back up my ass, wiped my hands on paper towels, and sat at my iMac. I escaped from the G-Force Visualizer and jotted down my thoughts, then finished my second cup of Camellia Sinensis.
I missed Shawn. I dream of telepathically hearing his laughter. "I'll be your friend until the end."
Previous Entry
Next Entry
Go back to diary index.
Go to my personal web pages.
Go to my public home pages. [opens in new window]