My Father the Football Nut
Evidence that too much Sky Sports rots
the mind...
I have not laughed so much as I did today for a
long while. My Dad is bonkers. Even more so than I already thought. Now, my
Pop is a fairly intelligent man but he is convinced the Earth is flat. Well,
actually he is utterly
convinced that there is a time delay between
us Southern Poofs and them Scottish folk. Yes, my Dad actually believes that
not only is it grim up North but they are actually several minutes in front of
us, time-wise. And why does he believe this? Because every week when he
watches the footie results roll in on Sky Sports News the Scottish results come
in first.
He let me in on his observation a couple of weeks back and his bonkers theory behind it and I thought he was pulling my leg. But today he actually forced me to watch the results come in and shouted "See! SEE!" each time a Scottish home team's result came in for the first five minutes. When I tried to reason that "Yes, I understand they are coming in first but don't you think it might be something to do with the way the results are reported rather than some time shift that defies all logical reasoning?" but he just got all the more animated about his TimeLord given fact. And the more animated he got the more I pissed my pants. When I suggested it could be something to do with *shock horror* technology he all but exploded. Apparently computers playing a part in this phenomenon is utterly inconceivable but the idea of Superman slowing and speeding up the world and tilting the Greenwich meridian is obvious and indeed FACT.
Dad facts are great.
Pop has also spent an abnormal amount of time recently sweeping up a million leaves from his back garden and then seems to rant at the world in utter disbelief when the wind blows and more leaves appear, as if he thought his manic sweeping cleanse would last forever.
Yes he's nuts, but you gotta love him.
He let me in on his observation a couple of weeks back and his bonkers theory behind it and I thought he was pulling my leg. But today he actually forced me to watch the results come in and shouted "See! SEE!" each time a Scottish home team's result came in for the first five minutes. When I tried to reason that "Yes, I understand they are coming in first but don't you think it might be something to do with the way the results are reported rather than some time shift that defies all logical reasoning?" but he just got all the more animated about his TimeLord given fact. And the more animated he got the more I pissed my pants. When I suggested it could be something to do with *shock horror* technology he all but exploded. Apparently computers playing a part in this phenomenon is utterly inconceivable but the idea of Superman slowing and speeding up the world and tilting the Greenwich meridian is obvious and indeed FACT.
Dad facts are great.
Pop has also spent an abnormal amount of time recently sweeping up a million leaves from his back garden and then seems to rant at the world in utter disbelief when the wind blows and more leaves appear, as if he thought his manic sweeping cleanse would last forever.
Yes he's nuts, but you gotta love him.
Posted: Sat - January 21, 2006 at 09:12 PM
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Published On: Jan 21, 2006 09:16 PM
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Published On: Jan 21, 2006 09:16 PM