five string serenade - page 14 - graduation day (page 5) 



man, what was i thinking?

 


 

Hi. You're from Nips' class.* You're Dylan.
. . . hi. . . . yes.

You're Christopher Sparrow.
Yeah.--Looks good.
Thanks.

I like that there. I wish I could do that.

Thanks. You draw?

Sort of. Maybe. maybe if I'd gone to school for it, I could really do it.
(Why me, Lord?) Why didn't you?
. . . why? I don't know. I've been giving it a lot of thought lately. have you ever realized, "Hey, that's they way my life should have gone. Where I am isn't where I'm supposed to be?"
No, I never have.
. . . I have. It's like deja-vu, when you find yourself, just for a moment, in the right place, but you realize, "I'm here where I'm supposed to be, but only by accident, and in a little while I'll be gone and lost again."
Really?

I used to think I had failed in life, that I was responsible for wandering off the path. If I hadn't been so lazy in high school and had taken some art classes I would have found that right road. But then I realized that there was NO WAY, the way my life was back then, that I could ever have known or ever have found that direction. I hadn't failed after all.
That's good.
No. It's worse.
Why?
Well, look at it. If there's a place where I'm meant to be, a place that I've been shadowing for years now but which I can't ever quite reach, and it;s not my fault I'm not there . . . then that means there's a force preventing me from reaching my heart's desire.
Fate??
. . . no, nothing that . . . personal. I've started calling it . . . "The Way Things Are." It's just the way the universe is made.


this became my entire philosophy, and filled my entire mind with despair, until just before i met bonnie.

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*you may recall nips was revealed earlier to be teaching a class at the art institute. 

Posted: Sat - April 9, 2005 at 04:51 PM             |

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