What follows is a detailed account of my experience with liver cancer. Some of the approaches my family and I have taken have been successful, some not. Regardless, I have chosen to leave all of our journey here for you to understand how we have struggled to come to an acceptance of my situation. A short update appears the first day of each month. Scroll to the bottom of this page to read what has occurred recently.We hope you find some benefit from our experience.

PURPOSE: For months I searched the internet attempting to find out all that I could about metastasized colon cancer of the liver. My wife and I felt that we had been set adrift in a sea of ignorance. We decided that we could not be alone in what we were facing and through the urging of our daughter-in-law and the assistance of our son we present our experience in hope that it will assist others who find themselves coming to grips with cancer in their lives.

I must admit that originally my focus was to determine what would lead to my death as a result of my liver cancer. No doubt many who find their way to this site also wish to know what takes place as the liver finally is overcome by cancer cells. I first learned of my condition on December 10, 2003. My focus has changed over these months. I have come to Believe that I should be concerned with how I LIVE each day. I realized along the way that I was not "ill" but rather that I was very much alive and that each day I wished more and more to live my life to the fullest. Each human faces death. Do we generally concern ourselves with what that dying process will eventually be? No. We ignore it. So why the obsession with how we shall die once a medical professional has proclaimed, "Your cancer is inoperable"? It took time, but I finally realized that I have everything to live for. Nothing matters but this moment.


HISTORY: On October 14, 2003 I experienced bleeding in my stool for the first time. This continued for several days. I believed at that time, and continued to believe for several weeks, that my problem was a bleeding stomach ulcer. I have had stomach ulcers for over thirty years and have had bleeding in the past. My wife and I had experienced several months of stressful events and we saw nothing unusual in what was occurring to me.

We went to a completely bland diet as we had done in previous times without any relief from the bleeding.

I saw my physician who placed me on Prilosec OTC and thought this would remedy the problem. He also had me get a CBC. Everything seemed fine there. After two weeks with no let up in the situation he advised an endoscopy procedure. I was hesitant to do this as we had no insurance and this would use a good deal of our available funds. I was concerned that we might need money for "something" else and didn't want to indiscriminately spend money on unnecessary testing.

At this time I felt we needed a second opinion. So I made an appointment in a nearby town with a new physician. He advised a colonoscopy which two days later I agreed to have. The result of that procedure confirmed that I had colon cancer and would need colon resection surgery.

That surgery took place on December 9, 2003 and was a success. My surgeon told my wife immediately following the surgery that the cancer had metastasized to my liver and that it was an automatic Stage 4 cancer which would require chemotherapy to "make me more comfortable." The oncologist who visited with me on December 10, the occasion of my 61st birthday, also stated that I needed the chemo in order to "make me more comfortable." Both of them stated in no uncertain words, "The therapy will not prolong your life, nor will it change the final outcome, but it will make you more comfortable. You need to think of your wife."

I rejected their treatment modality. I could not understand how it would benefit me. Each time I saw my surgeon in January he kept asking if I was going to do the chemo. Each time I told him no. Finally I asked him to define what he meant by "make you more comfortable." He explained that with the chemo the cancer growth would be slowed and I would go along "even" and then just drop off and die. Without it I would gradually decline and die. That answer did not address what I asked. It didn't apply to what I asked. He did explain that I might have mouth and throat sores, but they could give me medication for that. I might have nausea, but they could give me medication for that. I might have loss of appetite, but they could give me medication for that. My conclusion was that I had none of those problems and therefore I surely was "more comfortable" without chemo than I would ever be with it.

They had wanted to begin my chemo treatments 3 to 4 weeks after my colon resection. What they proposed I am completely convinced was a certain death sentence. I would not be alive today writing this over eight months after my primary cancer surgery had I given in to their insistence for chemotherapy.

MIND: Both my wife and I have found that our biggest adversary has been, not the cancer, but our minds. We have ridden a gigantic emotional roller coaster. We have a strong marriage of over 36 years and I have been privileged to have been retired for seven years, so to be told on December 10 that my condition was inoperable and that even the chemo would not benefit me in the long run, was just about the most devastating thing that could have occurred to us.

MASSAGE/REFLEXOLOGY: In March a wonderful thing happened. A certified massage therapist, Sherri Humphrey, who is trained in reflexology began her practice in our small rural community. Everything has changed in my life since I began seeing her. Through her I learned of Louise L. Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life. Hay addresses the spiritual mode of our being. Through the use of affirmations you can become that which you truly believe you are. We are powerful energy forces which have the power to heal our lives. That I believe. Healing comes from within us. We are not dependent upon external forces to heal our lives.

I have many affirmations I say daily. These are important as they offer me support and remind me of the power each of us possesses in caring for ourselves. Along with that I see Sherri twice a week. Most of the work she does is reflexology and over the past few months we have slowly brought my body back into balance. I cannot stress how changed my physical life is since the first appointment I had with her. This a process which requires patience. You must be extremely attuned to your body. This is the message which Hay imparts in her book and I have come to experience the truth of her words. I also must stress that this has been so important in the healing of my life, but my body and yours are different and you must determine what your life needs.

EMU OIL: For several years I have had bouts of skin cancer. I have applied emu oil to these cancers and it has cleared them. When I arrived home from the hospital in December my wife immediately began applying emu oil to my 13 inch incision. It has aided in the healing and that much of the incision is now flesh colored. My surgeon said it would take 12 - 18 months for the redness to go away. Obviously the emu oil has healed the incision sooner than normal. She also would massage my liver area with the oil. My son kept asking me why I did not take the oil internally. He felt that it might fight the liver cancer. On Sunday, Feb. 29 I called the supplier of our oil to ask if it would be all right to take the oil internally. The representative told me that the oil was food grade and that they personally used at least one teaspoon each day of the oil due to the Omega-3 benefit. I took my first teaspoon that evening and have continued taking it every day. I often take two teaspoons a day. I can't say at this time that the emu oil has had any affect on my liver cancer, however, I must say that I have absolutely NO symptoms of a deteriorating liver. NONE. So time will tell.

VITAMINS: I take many vitamin supplements each day. My vitamin regimen is geared to boosting the production of red blood cells and building a strong immune system. Obviously this is important to my well being even if the cancer in the end prevails. In the mean time I am stronger and filled with energy. Vitamins taken daily: multivitamin, super B-complex, C, E, beta carotene, calcium/magnesium/zinc, selenium. Herb/supplement taken daily: echinacea, garlic.

DIET: It is natural that anyone dealing with cancer is concerned about their diet. We have and still do spend a great deal of time attempting to create the correct diet for my body. This has been very difficult for us.We have come to the conclusion that each person must carefully consider what works for them. To recommend one diet plan over another is meaningless as what works for me may never work for you, and since I opted not to have chemotherapy I have no idea what an individual having that treatment may experience with their diet. There are simply too many variables. Perhaps your health care specialist will have some suggestions. I was on my own here and I can say we finally seem to have come to understand what I can and cannot eat.

MUSIC/VIDEO THERAPY: I have listened to a relaxation music CD all night every night since I arrived home from the hospital in December. During the day we have relaxation CDs playing and we also have them in our CD player in the automobile. I believe that this keeps my stress level very low and I know that it has enabled me to enjoy six months of wonderful sleep! During the day when I lie down to rest I watch a video entitled Hawaiian Zen (purchased from Amazon.Com) which has beautiful images of the ocean and the beaches of the Hawaiian island complex. The natural ocean and wildlife sounds are quite peaceful.

EXERCISE: We had some bitter winter weather after I came home in December. But we were fortunate to have a business near us which has a large conference room in which we could walk. We went there twice every day to walk laps. This was not an easy thing to do, but I believed I had to have the exercise even though it was a painful experience.

I now am able to walk twice a day, about a mile each time. Beginning Monday, June 7, I ran for the first time since early October 2003. I am now running about a half mile each day and feel stronger! Without question the running has allowed me to see improvements.

PAU D'ARCO TEA: Roaming around the internet one day I found mention of a tea from the South American rain forest. I did some reading regarding it and decided to give it a try. I began drinking the tea on June 16, 2004. I drink four 8 oz. cups per day. I can not at this time make any claims as to its effectiveness in eliminating cancer cells. I will update my progress with the tea from time to time. I order my tea from Prince Tea. I am not recommending that anyone purchase the tea; you can check out the rain forest link above and decide for yourself.

HOPE: The foundation of my current status of metastasized colon cancer is a belief in MY ability to HEAL MY LIFE. I am not stating that any of the things I do, which the medical profession speaks of as "alternative medicine" will heal my body by eradicating cancer. If there is generally little chance of overcoming this cancer then I believe that I must focus my attention on those things over which I do have control. Then I will know peace of mind.

In the end, the cancer cells may overcome my red blood cells and my strong immune system. Even if that does occur, my wife, son, daughter-in-law and I will know that my body did the very best it could do.

I have hope. Nothing is more important to me than to hope for the best in my life today. My medical doctors gave me no hope. They assured me that their miracle treatment, chemotherapy, would not assist me in overcoming cancer. NO HOPE. Nothing, they said, would alter the outcome. NO HOPE. Think of your wife. Do what is best for her. There is no hope for you. I reject their hopeless modality. I reject their belief in disease. I reject their belief in death. I reject their belief in fear.

I believe in life. No fear. I believe that bodies experience dis-ease. No fear. I believe that bodies can heal themselves. No fear. I believe that I have universal energy which flows through me. No fear. I believe that I am that universal energy and that your energy flows from you and mine flows to you and that we are all one and in our oneness we are whole and we are never alone.

The more you know about your cancer, the better equipped you are to live with it. My body is doing the work it is supposed to do. My red blood cells are not "thinking" about battling cancer. They simply are doing the tasks they are created to do. They're doing a miraculous job at that!

What has occurred in my life may not occur in yours. I am not a doctor. I am a human being. I believe in the power of our bodyminds to heal themselves. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Find forgiveness for yourself and for others. Diana and I are spiritual people. We offer you this testimony with unconditional love. You may accept it or reject it. We hope, however, that you will pass on to others with whom you come in contact unconditional love. Perhaps someone who comes to this posting will be encouraged to share their experience with liver cancer. I hope you will let others know of your dis-ease and the manner by which you have lived with it.

My appreciation is extended to my wife, Diana, for her unfailing support and encouragement; to my son Parrish, who is always there; to my daughter-in-law, Bonnie, who suggested that I tell my story; to my massage therapist, Sherri Humphrey, for working closely with my body so that it can find its way to balance; to the loving people at High Cascade Emu Oil, and to the many others who have offered their encouragement through the last seven months.


Update of August 1, 2004: Somewhere between July 15 and 22 a change occurred in my physical status. A number of things seemed to come together and I sensed that I was more physically balanced. Certainly everything is not the way I wish it was, but overall an obvious change has occurred. While I can point to many things which have contributed to this, I believe that one cause is that my body had not yet fully recovered from my original colon resection surgery of this past December. With that restoration in place, then suddenly things just righted themselves.

A few weeks ago I developed an incisional hernia that causes a good deal of discomfort. I visited our family physician (of 25 years) on July 14 and he fitted me with an upper abdominal hernia belt. No problem, he said. He thoroughly examined my liver and found it to be of normal size and with no hard spots indicative of tumors. He had read my cancer lab reports and after his examination seemed satisfied that my liver seemed okay. This man is a very cautious doctor and never ignores symptoms which may indicate a larger problem. So his obvious positive attitude gave my family and I much comfort.

Along with the above good news I need to address another issue--emotional toll. As these past few weeks have brought a positive physical change, my wife and I have had some "negative" emotional changes. I believe that my wife has had such an emotional investment in caring for me that only when the "balance" fell into place did we realize how much had been taken from her to get the two of us through these past eight to ten months. We see this as it is, not as a negative experience, but as an opportunity for us to now balance emotions, so that we can be wholly restored to life.

I invite you to check the following two links. The first is on my Reflections on Life web site and is entitled, Moving a Mountain. It tells the rest of my story this month. Also you may find of interest a wonderful web site which I discovered this past month which gives much information regarding cancer and alternative methods of dealing with it--HEALTH - SCIENCE - SPIRIT. The best to you in your personal journey with cancer. I will update again on September 1.

Update of September 1, 2004: During an internet search for a windsock, I discovered this beautiful story about a man with cancer. I encourage you to read it and reflect upon what he told his doctor: Sitting Downward from Flowers. All is well in my world. I'll visit with you on October 1. May you know love and peace in your life.

Update of October 1, 2004: On September 20 I had a CMP blood test and an ultrasound reading made of my liver. The ultrasound indicated several tumors may be present in my liver although it is not enlarged. The CMP showed three enzyme levels significantly increased although the bilirubin is an excellent reading. This was good news. I plan to repeat the CMP test in December to see if any change has occurred.

Update of November 1, 2004: Since my last update our family doctor placed me on Tramadol. This is for pain caused by my incisional hernias. I now have four. The medicine is not for any pressure caused by the liver, as it has not increased in size.

Additionally we believe that I have mild depression due to the many months of dealing with this situation. For the short term I am taking Alprazolam, while waiting for the Zoloft to build in my system. These meds cause me to be very drowsy, but in better spirits.

Update of December 1, 2004: Many things have happened since my last update. We now have hospice services. With the increase of fluid backup the pain in my feet, legs and upper abdomen required heaver dosages of pain medication. That resulted in more constipation causing much trial and error medication to overcome that.

Throughout the course of this journey many simple things have lent their importance. The constant support of my wife has made it possible for me to live, quite literally. The unwavering support of my son and his wife has strengthened me. And last and certainly not least the friendships of those close to us have made all the difference in the world to me. Go to this link for one such story: Doing Something with Your Life is the brief story of my friendship with Louis Osborne, a 93-year-old friend who loves to share our time walking together.

December 9, 2004: First year anniversary. I had my colon cancer surgery one year ago this morning. I was assured it would be a routine surgery but found it to be quite the opposite. If you have read the entire liver cancer page you have shared my journey with me. There have been many ups and downs through out the year. It was only when I reached the time of hospice that I understood and could accept fully the diagnosis of metastatic colon cancer of the liver. It has been, as strange as it may seem, a year of growth, happiness, understanding and reflection.