Oddies Who's Who

Jamie Aitken > A recent recruit to the Oddies, allrounder Jamie quietly and effectively amasses runs and takes wickets. Out of season he experiments with zero-g sex, globe fondling, and as a result has had a baby. One day he will hopefully see England win a test match down under.
	< Kevin Bailey Original founder of the 'Kevin's Kittens' which evolved from the primeval booze into the 'Real Oddies'. A specialist King of the Spanish who models his whole lifestyle on Phil Tufnell and once slurred advice to Nasser Hussain in a drunken 1-to-1 in the Castle Park pavillion.
Andy Brooks > Winner of the 2004 'Cheerful Chappie' award for his genuine expression of happiness to be playing cricket with the Oddies. In the 2005 season his mum was inspiration for a tour to Plymouth, with the buggy boys giving great support. Recently a dad once again cos of his super human virility.
	< Steve Bulger Has the odd ability to win a game or two a season with his quickfire slogging style or getting caught second ball by the scrawniest runt of a colt with two left hands nervously waiting on the boundary. Keeps himself amused by being hyperactive, running a business, owning a cricket stadium, fathering sprogs and whinging.
Elaine Bulger > Top tea lady known for her fondness for dressing up and renowned themed teas. If given the chance Elaine can wield the willow for a good spanking. Last seen trying to petition the Oddies to take Daisy as a permanent club mascot.
Clive Burgess > Originator of the 'teapot' pose and possessing a bowling style beyond even the help from expert Essex coaching. Born in Kent, played quietly and enthusiastically 57 times for the Oddies. Sadly Clive passed away in 1999 but his memory lives on with the 'Clive Burgess Trophy'. This special trophy, kindly donated by Clive's parents, is awarded annually for an unexpected jaw-dropping accomplishment in a game.
	< Peter Clouter Wizard bowler, all-round grump and nice guy in the Caddick mould. Enjoys being bowled at very fast on the legstump as he has a talent for improvising the ball around the corner for four. Recently filled the role of vice-captain and was found to have a short fuse causing Pete to implode which was very messy to clean up. Pet hates: Batting at 11, hairspray, sunshine and the returning cricket ball hurting his hands.
Mike Connell > Taught Graham Thorpe the lefties nurdle nudge stoke. Brilliantly scored his first century versus Ardleigh and celebrated for his distinctive trademark 'teapot' pose. A past winner of the Clive Burgess award for amazingly taking too many catches to count in a single game.
	< Tim Dickens Essex wide-boy otherwise known as 'Turbo Diesel' for his speed between the wickets and economical bowling...Not. Was in once in top form as a bowler until he fell arse over knee and then blossomed into a batsman. Brilliantly led the Oddies to the dizzy heights of the 4th division... and straight back down. Ex-captain Tim is known for his and Tracey's splendid parties and his fondness for air guitar (Photos).
Simon Fielding > Aka Taz, 666 and Psycho. Simon has a long record ...err... history with the club and returned once to inject some rejuvenating match winning performances into an ailing Oddies. Simon's interests include rubbing his cats the wrong way, fast motorcyling stunts and 'doing what's necessary'. Too many memorable moments to recall but Max still has the scars to remember his painful encounter with a cricket ball between the eyes... Currently causing mayhem t'up north around Leeds.
Terry Fitton > Mr Safehands for performing an amazing catch at least once a season. Occasionally unleashes 'The Beast' with destructive results all around (see right). Tel loves to tell us all about his 'horrordays' and the importance of everyone getting a word in edgeways at the last EGM.
Tim Fitzgerald > Now the Club Child Welfare Officer and was worryingly highly amused by the 80 page 'PDFile' guidelines which he is meant to implement. Tim was also the club captain in 2006 and led from the front to our highest final league division position. Tim can be very efficient when he wants to be but can be easily distracted by an empty pint glass. Recently given up smoking but is now puffing like Fidel Castro on 40-a-day.
	< Mike Grout Recently released from prison after gaining a doctorate in roughty toughty sports, wrote a thesis on how to smash Darren Asher for a shedful of runs in one over and went on to win the club's Champagne moment for this epic achievement. We especially love his partner Penny for her scrumptous cakes
	< Nigel Hamblion Our very own 'Nigella', a responsible teacher by day but at the weekend is as barking mad as a frog & cornflake kebab. Nigel came to the Oddies with a vast array of skills i.e. the ability to count, O'level needlework grade D and a local knowledge of Maningtree pubs. Created single-handedly and set the record in a new class of batting average, the RPM (run per mile) but has recently scored a personal best of 48* Regularly takes a sackful of catches in competition with Tim Fitzgerald.
Adam Hawes > Smuggles himself and the world's largest cricket box across the Suffolk/Essex border to lend a helping hand to the Oddies in time of need i.e as often as feasible. In 2006 was pivitol in the Oddies W&G trophy win against W&G with 4-31 and 41. Then to cap of an awesome year scored 97* to ensure victory against Lt Clacton, which deservedly won him the club's 2006 Clive Burgess Champagne moment trophy. Mesmerisingly rubs his right nipple during his run up though Adam says it's simply fabrication of his areola. Read Adam's True Life Story in the Sun
John Hepburn > The club's resident stump abuser, made in the same mould as Alec Stuart except Alec could bat a bit and had an impressive fitness regime. John has batted in a gazillion games for the Oddies but still hasn't quite worked out what to do with the ball pitched in line with the stumps. When lost for words will repeatedly say "Excellent!" until he remembers what he was twittering on about. Excellent!
	< John Jackson Has quitely impressed with his enthusiasm for all things Odd. Used to impersonate George Best but John has now finally perfected his W.G. Grace impersonation by out of the blue thumping an enormous six at Lt Baddow. In his spare time wrestles with exotic wild animals during his adventures whilst travelling around the world.
	< Birgit Keller Modelled herself on Geoffery Boycott but needed to perfect the accent. Took her first hat-trick in 2003 and caused many a batsman to quiver in their boots during her run up. Famously led the Oddies to a glorious tour victory against Saltwood and has now gone off to a higher spiritual plane for a 3 year retreat.
Ron Luis > Aka 'DJ Fuckup'. A dogged player who regularly opened the batting and cross dressed but thankfully never tried to do both at the same time. Revelled in annoying bowlers by never attempting a scoring stroke and growling a lot. Now retired from cricket he spends his time stroking his pussies Donald Pleasance style and pondering about the club's lack of attitude and passion. Rumoured that he'll turn up at the AGM again this year to run for a club position as the team psychologist.
Colin McGilloway > The second McGilloway from the clan to have played for the Oddies. Forever carved in the top all time great bowlers for his 6 balls, 3 wickets for 1 run before retiring to saftey behind the wicket as a prolific stumper. With the bat famously blocked dot ball after dot ball then unleashed a six to end the game. When annoyed Colin will puff his chest and reveal livid scarlet plumage, so run him out at your peril.
	< Garry McGilloway Part III in the McGilloway trilogy. Mr Cool in a cricket crisis as he proved in many a game this 2003 season. Put on some great partnerships with bruv Colin and Craig that set a splendid example to the rest of the Oddies. Keeps himself in tip-top condition with some mild quaffing and strolling the length and breadth of Britain armed with some dodgy out-of-date maps.
Snod Owden > A player from the club's formation in the early 90's, Snod is now mainly a tour specialist and consultant. Capable of hitting big sixes and bowling crap or just being decorative in the team. Famous for his 'Rant with Snod' column in the Odd News which provides a commentary and keeps a finger on the pulse of the Oddies season-by-season. Last published at the turn of the milleniumn with calls for more.
	< John Parrick Aka 'TL' (The Landlord). Used to be a core member and ran for captain until a controversial AGM tea discussion (from the man who's pub only serves cheese rolls!) caused John to wander off to open the batting for the Garrison for a season. Keeps fit with audacious running between the wickets and fields in slips cos he takes amazing catches there despite telling us that slips are superfluous.  Recently returned to playing for the Oddies more regularly until Arnie the dog (deceased) almost bit John's thumb off!
Peter Pearson > Bowls a bit and used to bat. Often heard applauding the quality fielding and catches of his bowling. Can't catch anymore except outside the boundary. Recently taken his 300th wicket and still looks forward to getting a few more to overtake Courtney Walsh's 500 test wickets. In 2006 took a remarkable 8-10 vs Cressing to become the record the 5th best bowling figures in League records. Could have been 2nd best if only for a mortifying dropped catch...
	< James Sadler After much toing and froing between Aussie Land, James has finally settled down to some peace & quiet with Patty in Colchester. James bat, bowls when prompted, wicket keeps and skirmishes in style. Scores quickly and cleanly and became in 2005 the Oddie's top scorer with a massive 122*. Entertains lavishly, in between raisng a new kid, Henri, and numerous small furry cats with Patty.
Mark 'Toss' Whybrow > Aka 'Toss'. Responsible for many mid-order collapses of his kegs thereby exposing a pasty white tail. Past keeper of the 'Ducky' award for 7 ducks on the waddle and one time proud winner of the bowling averages. Mark is CAMRA's cultural attaché to the Oddies and despite many broken bones has never felt a thing due to the endomorphines and hop extracts perpetually coursing through his bloodstream.
	< Lara Bingle Lara is seen here modelling the new severe hot weather coloured bikini pyjama kit that should see match subscriptions soar!