Cultural Differences
The fact that it is so hot here has a number of
ramifications aside from just being uncomfortable. First, because it's so hot
Luc, and especially Claire, want to be naked most of the time. Second, nothing
really opens or happens here until 10 a.m., and then everything more or less
shuts down in the mid afternoon. All the action is after 6 or even 7 p.m. when
the sun is down and it becomes almost comfortable.
The first problem has to do with the fact that
it's just not acceptable for Claire and Luc to be naked. We have no problem with
them being naked in our own house, but our helper Suchitra (Suchi) is always
trying to put clothes on them (she also is always going around turning fans off,
but that's another issue). And since we're often going from outside to in, it's
a nuisance to keep putting clothes on them and then taking them off. So we try
to keep Claire in a dress, or at least underwear, but it's challenging because
she does not understand why she has to cover herself. We took to putting Luc in
some of Claire's underwear, which he doesn't mind at all.
We got him some boys briefs the other day so that he doesn't have to wear purple underwear, or pink underwear with strawberries or kitty cats. We also have started dealing with the heat by going to the beach. A couple kms from our house there is a very nice beach, except for the fact that it is rather rough. We have to keep a constant eye on Luc or he would be washed out to sea in an instant. It's also a steep beach, so even if we are in the water with them, holding on to them, the waves washing back to the ocean have quite a strong pull. I take Luc and Claire one at a time a little further out, but I'm still a little nervous to go too far out since the wave periods are pretty short and it would be easy to get caught by one and lose hold of my cargo.
Claire and Luc absolutely love the beach. They both scream whenever we leave, even though it's close by and we promise to go back the next day. Culturally, the challenge at the beach is perhaps greatest for Marion. Indians don't really swim, and when they go in the water, it's more or less fully clothed. Women wear their saris into the water and men might roll up their pants. The picture above was taken our first day at the beach. We didn't really plan on going in, so I was fully clothed. But Claire and Luc were drawn to the water, so it was inevitable that I would get wet. Marion would like to actually swim, which is difficult when fully clothed. So yesterday she wore shorts and kept her shirt on. But inevitably any men in the vicinity stare. They stare as much at the white babies running around on the beach as they do at Marion. Regardless, I think the whole situation makes Marion uncomfortable. On Wednesday we went to a beach that had 10 to 15 people, so it made matters worse. Yesterday we went back to the local beach, where there were two schoolboys and no one else, until a drunk fisherman came along and started getting too close to us. I'll write more about the beach later, but I should at least mention for now that Marion, who cannot stand being in cold water, actually finds the ocean temperature here a bit too warm.
I tried to make Marion less annoyed with the staring by making a humorous comparison. In the U.S., when I see someone from Sudan, for example, where people are basically as black as one can be, I stare discretely and think to myself "Man! That person is REALLY BLACK. You wouldn't be able to see them at night unless they smiled and you saw their teeth!" (That's not racist, by the way. My alarm at the darkness of their skin has nothing to do with judgments about their qualities as a person.) I told Marion that when the dark-skinned Keralites see our children (and Luc, I might add, is REALLY white, though Claire still has some color from last summer), they probably think "Wow! Those babies are REALLY WHITE!!! If you met them in a snowstorm you wouldn't know they were there except for their blue eyes!" I thought it was funny, Marion had to be cynical and point out that most Keralites have never seen snow and so wouldn't be able to make such a statement.
The second challenge has to do with the fact that our kids are on a pretty rigid sleep schedule because they become unbearably cranky if they are not rested. Their sleep routine is more or less waking at 6:30, napping by about noon, and to bed around 7 p.m. Since nothing happens in India before 10 a.m., it means we're sort of trapped in the mornings. There's nowhere to go and not much to do. Then they wake from their naps during the hottest time of the day (1:30-3 p.m. or so), when everyone else is either napping or inside, and are ready to go to bed at 7 p.m. when everyone else is just becoming active. We're going to try going to the beach first thing in the morning from now on. I also suggested we try shifting their schedules so they nap during the hottest time of the day, and stay up later at night. Marion thinks they'd continue waking at 6:30 when it gets light.
Oh, the last challenge I'll mention is the language. Malayalam is an extremely complex language. There are something like 56 letters in the alphabet, so when converted to our 26 letters there are weird combinations of letters that make completely illogical sounds. For example, our town is Kazhakottam, but the zh is pronounced like an R with your tongue curled up against the roof of your mouth. I just learned this today after pronouncing it phonetically for the last week. Rahul, our driver/nanny is quite a bright kid. He can understand written English very well (we also just discovered this today after trying to communicate verbally for a week). Nevertheless it can still be a challenge communicating with him. Suchi speaks only a handful of words in English, so we rely on our minimal level of understanding with Rahul to communicate with her. We're trying to learn some Malayalam words, but it's difficult since the pronunciation is hard to reproduce. If I ask rahul to spell something, it doesn't always help because of the illogical letter combinations like the zh I described above.
As I write Marion is over at the neighbors to "interview" another cook who has seven years experience with an Indian-American family. It will be hard to let Suchi go, but if it makes our lives a little less stressful, it will be a major advancement.
We got him some boys briefs the other day so that he doesn't have to wear purple underwear, or pink underwear with strawberries or kitty cats. We also have started dealing with the heat by going to the beach. A couple kms from our house there is a very nice beach, except for the fact that it is rather rough. We have to keep a constant eye on Luc or he would be washed out to sea in an instant. It's also a steep beach, so even if we are in the water with them, holding on to them, the waves washing back to the ocean have quite a strong pull. I take Luc and Claire one at a time a little further out, but I'm still a little nervous to go too far out since the wave periods are pretty short and it would be easy to get caught by one and lose hold of my cargo.
Claire and Luc absolutely love the beach. They both scream whenever we leave, even though it's close by and we promise to go back the next day. Culturally, the challenge at the beach is perhaps greatest for Marion. Indians don't really swim, and when they go in the water, it's more or less fully clothed. Women wear their saris into the water and men might roll up their pants. The picture above was taken our first day at the beach. We didn't really plan on going in, so I was fully clothed. But Claire and Luc were drawn to the water, so it was inevitable that I would get wet. Marion would like to actually swim, which is difficult when fully clothed. So yesterday she wore shorts and kept her shirt on. But inevitably any men in the vicinity stare. They stare as much at the white babies running around on the beach as they do at Marion. Regardless, I think the whole situation makes Marion uncomfortable. On Wednesday we went to a beach that had 10 to 15 people, so it made matters worse. Yesterday we went back to the local beach, where there were two schoolboys and no one else, until a drunk fisherman came along and started getting too close to us. I'll write more about the beach later, but I should at least mention for now that Marion, who cannot stand being in cold water, actually finds the ocean temperature here a bit too warm.
I tried to make Marion less annoyed with the staring by making a humorous comparison. In the U.S., when I see someone from Sudan, for example, where people are basically as black as one can be, I stare discretely and think to myself "Man! That person is REALLY BLACK. You wouldn't be able to see them at night unless they smiled and you saw their teeth!" (That's not racist, by the way. My alarm at the darkness of their skin has nothing to do with judgments about their qualities as a person.) I told Marion that when the dark-skinned Keralites see our children (and Luc, I might add, is REALLY white, though Claire still has some color from last summer), they probably think "Wow! Those babies are REALLY WHITE!!! If you met them in a snowstorm you wouldn't know they were there except for their blue eyes!" I thought it was funny, Marion had to be cynical and point out that most Keralites have never seen snow and so wouldn't be able to make such a statement.
The second challenge has to do with the fact that our kids are on a pretty rigid sleep schedule because they become unbearably cranky if they are not rested. Their sleep routine is more or less waking at 6:30, napping by about noon, and to bed around 7 p.m. Since nothing happens in India before 10 a.m., it means we're sort of trapped in the mornings. There's nowhere to go and not much to do. Then they wake from their naps during the hottest time of the day (1:30-3 p.m. or so), when everyone else is either napping or inside, and are ready to go to bed at 7 p.m. when everyone else is just becoming active. We're going to try going to the beach first thing in the morning from now on. I also suggested we try shifting their schedules so they nap during the hottest time of the day, and stay up later at night. Marion thinks they'd continue waking at 6:30 when it gets light.
Oh, the last challenge I'll mention is the language. Malayalam is an extremely complex language. There are something like 56 letters in the alphabet, so when converted to our 26 letters there are weird combinations of letters that make completely illogical sounds. For example, our town is Kazhakottam, but the zh is pronounced like an R with your tongue curled up against the roof of your mouth. I just learned this today after pronouncing it phonetically for the last week. Rahul, our driver/nanny is quite a bright kid. He can understand written English very well (we also just discovered this today after trying to communicate verbally for a week). Nevertheless it can still be a challenge communicating with him. Suchi speaks only a handful of words in English, so we rely on our minimal level of understanding with Rahul to communicate with her. We're trying to learn some Malayalam words, but it's difficult since the pronunciation is hard to reproduce. If I ask rahul to spell something, it doesn't always help because of the illogical letter combinations like the zh I described above.
As I write Marion is over at the neighbors to "interview" another cook who has seven years experience with an Indian-American family. It will be hard to let Suchi go, but if it makes our lives a little less stressful, it will be a major advancement.
Posted: Fri - December 23, 2005 at 09:10 PM
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The Zavelogue chronicles the travels and travails of Stephen, Marion, Claire and Luc during our six months in India on a Fulbright.
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Published On: Jul 15, 2006 12:54 AM
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Published On: Jul 15, 2006 12:54 AM