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Valley Village, California
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Published On: Oct 08, 2008 10:46 PM
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Published On: Oct 08, 2008 10:46 PM
Mixed Emotions
Today the scale says that I've lost an even 20
pounds.
My records tell me that my weight loss trend has been steadily negative since July 13. That I haven't had a sugar binge since then. That I haven't had a carb binge of any kind since late August. That I cleaned up my food completely more than a week ago.
And yet... and yet... I lied to myself so thoroughly, and believed my own BS so completely, that at 196 pounds I could look in the mirror and think that I looked good in clothes that were designed for a figure from four to six inches smaller in diameter than I was at the time. When I look in the mirror now, I think I look fatter than I thought I looked then. I am just now enough smaller to HONESTLY fit the larger clothes in my wardrobe.
I gotta take those monthly photos I threatened. Something about the photo I posted helps break through the web of lies in my brain. I look at that and say, "Yeah, I looked bad. And yeah, I look better now." And that helps me to think, "Yeah, I felt bad then. And yeah, I feel better now."
Still, it's hard to celebrate when I have anywhere from 50 to 70 pounds to go (I don't know exactly; I haven't been in that range for many, many years. I'll see how I look (and more importantly, how I feel) when I get there.
Off to plan a Zone-compatible pot of chili at this cool website (found by my Hubby): Zone Diet Calculator
My records tell me that my weight loss trend has been steadily negative since July 13. That I haven't had a sugar binge since then. That I haven't had a carb binge of any kind since late August. That I cleaned up my food completely more than a week ago.
And yet... and yet... I lied to myself so thoroughly, and believed my own BS so completely, that at 196 pounds I could look in the mirror and think that I looked good in clothes that were designed for a figure from four to six inches smaller in diameter than I was at the time. When I look in the mirror now, I think I look fatter than I thought I looked then. I am just now enough smaller to HONESTLY fit the larger clothes in my wardrobe.
I gotta take those monthly photos I threatened. Something about the photo I posted helps break through the web of lies in my brain. I look at that and say, "Yeah, I looked bad. And yeah, I look better now." And that helps me to think, "Yeah, I felt bad then. And yeah, I feel better now."
Still, it's hard to celebrate when I have anywhere from 50 to 70 pounds to go (I don't know exactly; I haven't been in that range for many, many years. I'll see how I look (and more importantly, how I feel) when I get there.
Off to plan a Zone-compatible pot of chili at this cool website (found by my Hubby): Zone Diet Calculator
Posted: Mon - September 22, 2008 at 11:00 PM | | | | |