Coming Out
Thu - June 26, 2008, 4:03 m.
I don’t really know how to start with this entry. It’s something that I’ve wanted to write about for a while, now, but it’s still kind of weird to talk about. I guess there’s really only one place to begin.
I’m bisexual.
Heh, it’s kind of funny; my impression when I think about coming out stories, in general, is someone coming out as gay, not bisexual. I guess it’s not something that’s as prevalent in the mainstream social consciousness, so it probably doesn’t get as much attention. Of course, it carries many of the same implications and difficulties as coming out as gay.
Looking back on the past few years or so, I guess I started being attracted to guys in the second year of my undergraduate college career. I remember a guy friend of my sophomore year roommate who came to visit for a party one night, and I liked looking at him. During my junior year, there were a few gay guys living in the house; I distinctly remember wondering what it would be like to be gay and to have a relationship with the more flamboyant of the bunch. And in the first year of grad school, I took an art class and for the first time consciously realized that I was physically attracted to one of the guys in the class.
(Actually, I also remember having an IM conversation with an online friend who was also gay. I told him that I liked looking at guys, but not because I was attracted to them, but because they had some characteristic that I admired that I wanted to have as well. That conversation must have happened in high school, though, because I fell out of touch with this online friend during college. In hindsight, it seems that I’ve been attracted to guys for a longer period of time than I thought.)
You have to realize, throughout college I was also struggling with women as well. I had my first crush on a girl during my first year as an undergrad, and first experienced real rejection when she told me she didn’t reciprocate the feeling. (That was the first time I cried over somebody, too.) I had a crush on another girl during sophomore year, whom I decided not to tell since she was a friend. Junior year, I met another girl with whom I tried the traditional ask-out-on-a-date method rather than my tried-and-true be-silent-and-get-a-crush-and-then-profess-your-love method that had worked out so well for me in the past. It turned out she had a boyfriend already, so I ended up developing a secret crush on her anyway, which ended in some really awkward moments later on when I told her. (Yes, I was rejected by her, too.) Amusingly, it turns out she knew pretty much all along, and didn’t say anything even though it was obvious to her.
My track record with women was pretty much a string of failures. Being the computer nerdy type, I never really developed the social skills that it seems that everyone has that are required to successfully carry out the ask-out-on-a-date method of getting into a relationship. I still don’t think I really have those skills. I’m probably severely understating my social ability here, ‘cause I can cope pretty well these days with most social situations, but I still feel very uncomfortable at certain times. Aside from meeting potential people to date through friends, how does one start up a conversation with a random person that you’re attracted to? It’s a completely foreign concept to me. Or how about in social situations when you’re trying to join an existing conversation? Going up to a group and just standing and listening, especially if it’s a group of people you normally don’t associate with (say, at a geology conference, or even just a night at the local bar) seems like it would be perceived as hovering and rude. Or how about when you’re at a party where people are mingling, and the people that you’re talking to disperse? Is it OK to stand by yourself? It just seems weird to watch what other people are doing for a while until someone comes up and starts up a conversation.
But I digress. The point is that it’s not exactly easy to start even realizing that you have boy issues to deal with when you’re still trying to learn the ropes with girls.
So it was the first year of grad school when I really admitted to myself that I liked guys. It was kind of exciting to admit it to myself, really. It’s not very often that you find out something new about yourself. Plus, I could go ahead and look at guys and know what was going on inside my head. A revelation, I know.
But then the question became: well, then what about all those girls that you liked? Was I deluding myself, having feelings that weren’t actually my own, but that were partially manufactured by society’s view of what is considered “normal” and magnified by my own desires for a relationship? It also occurred to me that maybe being attracted to guys was a side effect of not having any success with women, and that I was trying to artificially extend the boundaries of the people with whom I was willing to have a relationship to increase my odds of success. (Is this a common thought that occurs to people during this internal coming out period?) I seem to have a fixation on guys at the moment, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because it’s new.
It seems appropriate to address where I grew up at this point. Being in the San Francisco Bay Area in California, arguably the heart of the modern gay rights movement, and also having grown up in an extremely liberal, tolerant family, I was going through this transition in a pretty safe environment. I had had several gay friends before; I didn’t really hang out with them all the time, but I’d happily participate in dorm events or go to the movies or the beach with these friends. I even have a gay relative in my extended-extended family (i.e.: the tree that includes my maternal grandmother and her siblings).
So it wasn’t as if I had had no contact with gays at all. In fact, my own liberal views on gay marriage were uncannily prescient of my coming out — I have always been staunchly in support of gay marriage rights, and was pretty sickened in 2004 when many of the states in the U.S. passed laws that outlawed gay marriage.
Also, in light of this environment, my questioning was not of the “guilty” variety. It took me a while to accept my bisexuality, not because I was ashamed of it, but because I was genuinely confused as to whether or not I was attracted to guys and whether or not I was attracted to girls at the same time. I’m not going to deny that there wasn’t any societal pressure, because by societal standards, it really is “normal” to be heterosexual, and “abnormal” to be otherwise. But questioning whether I was normal or not doesn’t mean that I felt guilty about it. In fact, as I said before, it was kind of exciting. I don’t like conforming to societal standards anyway.
Then, last year, while I was taking a year’s leave of absence from grad school, I started dating a coworker, a woman. It seems sort of strange to me that I would ask another woman out after 1) having had so many failures with women, and 2) having another gender option available, especially one that only just opened up. We had worked together for about five months before I asked her out, so I had gotten to know her (but not developed a crush) first.
The whole thing lasted about two months. I don’t think I could really even call it a relationship or her my girlfriend, because there were three major obstacles in the first place, one of which was me being bisexual. The whole relationship was already kind of dysfunctional because of the two other obstacles; and when I went away for a few days to a music festival, I decided to pile on to the number of problems in the relationship by revealing to her that I was bi.
Not surprisingly, that didn’t really help things. She’s a very tolerant person, but I imagine it’s not something that’s easy to take when it’s someone that you’re attracted to. Additionally, since she was the first person I came out to about being bi, she wanted to act as a friend, too. So she asked questions about the gay side of me, which included asking about which guys I liked. Answering these questions honestly was a big mistake: at the time, it seemed innocuous, but telling the woman you’re dating about another guy that you also like is akin to telling her that there’s another girl that you might like to date. It put her in a position to be jealous, something that’s entirely human. But in the context of me coming out to her, it not only put her in a position to be jealous, but in a position to feel extremely guilty about being jealous since she was also trying to be considerate about my bisexuality.
Understandably, things came to a head, and she broke off the relationship. Her explanation was that I hadn’t had a relationship with a guy before, and given that fact, she didn’t want to get into a long-term relationship if down the road I couldn’t overcome my curiosity of having a same-sex relationship. At the time I was devastated, because we had had some really good times together, but I was mad that she couldn’t get over the various obstacles to the relationship. Not only that, but for the first time I felt like I was unfairly being punished for being bi.
She was probably right to end the relationship. It’s a fair point that if I haven’t tried things out with guys before and had just come out, I’d probably remain very interested in seeing what it was like.
But the question remains: how does one come out to a potential girlfriend that one is bi? When should you do it? Should you preface the first date with that information in case she’s not OK with it, so that you don’t waste your time? Should you wait to see where things are going, and tell her when it looks like things are going to get steady? Or should you keep it a secret until well into the relationship, so that she’s invested and is more likely to make an effort to be OK with that fact? Telling this information to gay guys, in contrast, doesn’t pose any problem whatsoever, since being bisexual and homosexual are both outside of the norm.
This isn’t just a question of tolerance, of whether people are morally OK with me being bi. When we’re talking relationships, we’re talking health issues. It’s an unfortunate fact that the prevalence of HIV in the gay community, in particular, is higher. I’m pretty sure that a girl with whom I was having sex would be concerned about that, and would probably be a little resentful if I hadn’t told her that before we had had sex.
Personally, I think the information should be definitely divulged before any sex, but not on the first date. The one data point I have for this hypothesis, though, is not encouraging. Probably a better way to do it is to be open about my bisexuality in my circle of friends (which I am), and meet people through these friends so that when I do go out on a date, I know it’ll be with someone who’s already comfortable with it.
(While we’re on the topic of sex, I might as well just go ahead and violate the rest of the typical conversational barriers: yes, I have taken it up the ass, and yes, it feels good. And yes, I have given someone else a blow job, and it’s not that bad, either. What can I say? I love the cock, as they say in modern parlance.)
Another interesting thing about coming out was how the information was spread through my circle of friends. Most of them had already known me for a couple years already, but even so, it’s not like I went around and told each one of them personally that I was bi. I “came out” just by asking another guy, whom most of my friends also know and know is gay, out on a date. He told me that he told a few of his friends before we went out, I told a few people that I had asked him out on a date, and then I also specifically told two people that I was bi. (One of my friends asked me point blank if I was gay… that’s a hilarious story for a different time.)
Note the distinction between telling people that I asked a guy out, and specifically telling someone that I’m bi. Consider the game of telephone, where information gets misinterpreted and messed up along the way; a girl who might be interested in me could possibly hear about this, and then decide not to ask me out because she might think I was gay, not bi. Argh, it’s so complicated! I still don’t really know who knows I’m bi, who knows that I asked this guy out, and if anyone thinks I’m gay.
And then there’s the family. Coming out to my mom was easy because I needed a second opinion on my resentment toward the woman with whom I had recently broke up. Coming out to my dad and brother were more amusing, as I just kind of said it while we were riding home from the airport. (These were actually separate ride homes from the airport, the first just being my dad and I, and the second being my bro and I.) I believe my exact words were, “Sooo… there’s something that you need to know… I’m bisexual.”
So far, none of the extended family knows, although I expect that to change at the family reunion that’s coming up this summer. Verdict: I expect most of the adults to be very accepting, except two who might be a little uncomfortable with it. As for the cousins, some of them will probably tease me about it, but this really isn’t anything out of the ordinary, as they’ve always teased me. One of them in particular might have an actual problem with it, and I think a couple of them will probably think I’m “cooler” because of it. Eh, whatever, if they’re not comfortable, they’ll deal.
As for my relatives in Italy, that poses a much bigger problem. Whereas my cousins might merely be uncomfortable with me being bi, I’ve had discussions with my Italian gramma, and she says that she thinks it’s inhuman to be gay. So I’ve pretty much resolved not to tell her. My great aunt and her husband might be more accepting, but I can’t tell them without telling my gramma.
Does this bug me? Not really. Especially in my gramma’s case, she wasn’t really brought up in a tolerant environment where gays were a part of the community: think World War II in Italy. So in a sense, it’s not really her fault. And I think this is true of most people who are intolerant or uncomfortable with others being gay.
It’s actually kind of interesting to observe changes that have occurred with the friends and family to whom I’ve come out. After I had told my mom, she suddenly got a little more sensitive to certain issues. For example, if relatives asked her about me and whether I had a girlfriend, she suddenly felt like she was hiding something if she told them no. My brother, in turn, has always used the word “gay” in its derogatory sense, not because he’s intolerant (on the contrary, he has gay friends too) but because he thinks it’s funny. And it’s very amusing to see that he still continues to use it, even though it’s evident that it could be perceived as a sort of insult. For what it’s worth, I don’t really care if someone uses the word that way.
As for me, I’m a little more open to talking about relationship stuff with my mom because I’ve now discussed my previous issues with her, and because I think she’s concerned about my safety and health a little more since I’ve come out. And when I’m with friends and a girl comments on the attractiveness of a guy, I might approve or disapprove whereas before I wouldn’t really say anything. Actually, before, I probably wouldn’t say anything if a guy made a comment about the “hotness” of a girl, so I guess coming out has gotten me a little more comfortable with myself, too.
One other thing I’ve thought about is societal attitudes towards being gay: society seems to perceive being gay as abnormal, and that it’s a surprise when someone comes out as gay. It’s not actually that far from the truth. If you think about it from an evolutionary perspective, a species that was predominantly gay, or even half-gay half-straight, would need to expend significant resources just to keep the species going. A species is more likely to survive harsher conditions if most of its members produce offspring, something which a gay couple cannot do. It would be a waste to use resources on individuals who won’t produce offspring. So evolution tends to produce those which will be inclined to procreate and mate with another individual of the opposite sex, i.e.: heterosexual.
Therefore, to say that being gay is “normal” is kind of disingenuous. Gay individuals really are outside the norm. So the whole ordeal with “coming out” is something that’s really unavoidable, because it’s not unreasonable to assume that everyone is heterosexual unless proven otherwise: evolution favors heterosexuality for obvious reasons. It’s interesting if you think about it, though; shouldn’t homosexuality be eradicated by evolution? If homosexuality was genetic, then those genes wouldn’t be propagated to offspring, since gay couples wouldn’t be able to have offspring. (This casts aside the possibility of an individual being bi, and the possibility of gay couples having children that are genetically related to at least one part of the couple through in-vitro fertilization.) On the other hand, homosexuality isn’t purely due to environmental factors, either. There are gay individuals even in environments where there’s access to the opposite sex, and where homosexuality is frowned upon. I say “access to the opposite sex” because in situations where individuals are exclusively of one gender, like prisons, for example, homosexuality emerges out of necessity to satisfy sexual urges.
You can’t really choose to be homosexual or not, either, just like you can’t choose to be heterosexual. If you ask anybody why they are attracted to the gender they’re attracted to, they don’t tell you, “oh, because society told me to” or “because I think girls are prettier than guys”, the answer is “I don’t know, I just do.” (An amusing quote from my brother: “It never really occurred to me to like guys.” My response: “Well to me, it had, and I do.”)
So why does homosexuality continue to persist? There’s the argument that homosexual individuals tend to focus their energies on things other than rearing offspring, as is reflected in a higher proportion of gays in creative fields, enriching the life of the entire species. Or that a mother has a more intense “allergic reaction” with each successive offspring, and in the process secretes some sort of enzyme that causes the fetus to be more likely to be homosexual. This is supposedly bolstered by research that shows that individuals with more elder siblings are more likely to be gay. The body of the mother does this, supposedly, so that the gay child can devote resources to taking care of the parents in their older age.
But where’s the evolutionary benefit? Sure, creative pursuits enrich life and possibly make the species happier as a whole, but this would seem to be an argument that only applies to a species once it gets to the point that it becomes intelligent. Do other animal species with homosexual individuals also have creative pursuits that enrich the species? Probably not. And what good does taking care of the mother do, if she’s already had kids? In the context of evolution, the parents have fulfilled their duties once they’ve finished having kids, so there’d be no benefit to making sure they have a longer life.
But I digress. Getting back to the original point: saying that being gay is “abnormal” is not to say that being gay is “unnatural”. That’s a completely false statement, too. Being gay may be “abnormal”, but it is also “natural”. There are many instances of homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom: Wikipedia has a good overview of homosexuality in animals. And since we happen to be just another species on this planet, it’s not exactly surprising that individuals among our species will also be homosexual, too.
Oh, yeah, and then there’s the recent California Supreme Court ruling that suddenly made gay marriage legal in California. As a resident of California, this affects me. Am I happy about the ruling? Of course; I’m glad that progress is being made on this issue. But I’m not exactly ecstatic about it, either. I mean, I’m 23 for fuck’s sake. I don’t expect to be married for at least another 5 years, and most likely not for another 10. Gay marriage will come eventually. It’s inevitable. If you don’t believe me, simply look at the unavoidable march of progress in the U.S. The women’s movement came first, then the civil rights movement — which helped erase the taboo of the interracial marriage, and now, the gay rights movement. Progressive social issues always become accepted in society eventually. As I said before, it’s really simply a matter of growing up in an environment where you’re exposed to gays, or to interracial marriage. The current generation will be split in their views, but the next generation will by and large have no problem since they grew up with it. And once the current generation dies off, you have (almost) nothing left but tolerance.
So, yeah, the California Supreme Court ruling is cool. But when I’ll be thinking about marriage, a good 10 years of societal change with regards to this issue will probably make the issue relatively tame.
So… yeah! That was a rambling, train-of-consciousness, stream-of-thought path through what I’ve been going through for the past year or so. It feels good to shout this at the internets.
Personal Permalink
H.R. 2206
Lun - Maggio 28, 2007, 04:06 p.
If the war in Iraq is an important cause for you, here I found all the votes of the new Democratic senators and representatives of the 110th Congress, who were elected because of their opinions on the war. But, no surprise, the majority voted for this law. If these senators or representatives are your own, give them a call on the telephone. (My representative, Anna Eshoo, and one of my senators, Barbara Boxer, voted against H.R. 2206. Dianne Feinstein voted for H.R. 2206. Today, I tried to call Feinstein in Washington D.C. and also in San Francisco, but the office in Washington didn't accept messages, and the office in San Francisco accepted messages but not at this time, because there were too many in the answering machine -- it was full.)
You can see all of the votes of the Senate here, and all of the votes of the House here. I found from where the senators and representatives come from the New York Times' map of the 2006 election.
The votes of the new Democratic senators:
Jon Tester (D-MT): Yes
Claire McCaskill (D-MO): Yes
Sherrod Brown (D-OH): Yes
Robert Casey (D-PA): Yes
James Webb (D-VA): Yes
Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI): No
The votes of the new Democratic representatives:
Gerald McNerney (D-CA-11): No
Harry Mitchell (D-AZ-5): Yes
Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ-8): Yes
Nicholas Lampson (D-TX-22): Yes
Ciro Rodriguez (D-TX-23): Yes
Ed Perlmutter (D-CO-7): No
Nancy Boyda (D-KS-2): Yes
Tim Walz (D-MN-1): Yes
Bruce Braley (D-IA-1): No
Dave Loebsack (D-IA-2): No
Steve Kagen (D-WI-8): Yes
Joe Donnelly (D-IN-2): Yes
John Yarmuth (D-KY-3): No
Brad Ellsworth (D-KY-8): Yes
Baron Hill (D-KY-9): Yes
Zack Space (D-OH-18): Yes
Jason Altmire (D-PA-4): Yes
Joe Sestak (D-PA-7): Yes
Patrick Murphy (D-PA-8): No
Christopher Carney (D-PA-10): Yes
Health Shuler (D-NC-11): Yes
Timothy Mahoney (D-FL-16): Yes
Ron Klein (D-FL-22): No
John Hall (D-NY-19): No
Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY-20): Yes
Michael Arcuri (D-NY-24): No
Joseph Courtney (D-CT-2): No
Christopher Murphy (D-CT-5): No
Carol Shea-Porter (D-NH-1): No
Paul Hodes (D-NH-2): No
The votes of the candidates for the President of the United States:
Sam Brownback (senator, R-KS): Not Voting
Hillary Clinton (senator, D-NY): No
Barack Obama (senator, D-IL): No
Chris Dodd (senator, D-CT): No
Dennis Kucinich (representative, D-OH-10): No
John McCain (senator, R-AZ): Yes
Thomas Tancredo (representative, R-CO-6): Yes
Duncan Hunter (representative, R-CA-52): Yes
Joe Biden (senator, D-DE): Yes
Sarcasm and Irony
Mar - Settembre 26, 2006, 12:46 m.
Simone: Bahaha: "it is very nice that it only takes so few posts to make you create a useful error description. You could extend the period of nice chit chat with just posting 'something doesn't work here' next time."
Diedel: hehe
Diedel: I had my ironic day ...
Simone: Sarcastic, you mean. :P
Diedel: no, sarcasm is bitter
Diedel: well, maybe a little
Simone: Lol not necessarily.
Diedel: yeah youre right
Simone: I don't think that was an ironic statement at all. Irony is unexpected, sarcasm is always on purpose.
Diedel: irony is not unexpected, but I'd say sarcasm contains significantly more mockery
Diedel: it's rather a direct attack
Diedel: than irony
Diedel: hard to define, imho
[...]
Simone: (Anyway, I dunno, I think the words sarcasm and irony have been convoluted by people misusing them that their definition has become muddied. To me, sarcasm is when you deliberately say something opposite of what you mean -- it can be bitter, it can be mocking, but it doesn't necessarily have to. Irony, however, is when the situation is funny because something unexpected happens which makes it amusing. Something sarcastic is usually not ironic, and vice versa.)
Diedel: I disagree. Irony can be applied intentionally, but usually it's less ... let's say aggressive
Simone: Hrm, give an example, maybe?
Diedel: just trying to figure one
Simone: :)
Diedel: hard when looking for bugs
Simone: I suppose in some sense irony can be intentional if, for example, you're a writer and you fabricate a funny/unexpected situation.
Diedel: If I say 'me, being the greatest programmer in the world, completely infallable, would never create such a bug'
Diedel: it's pretty ironic
Diedel: if I say that after you have just pointed out a bug to me I had introduced
Simone: I would say that's sarcastic, then, because you know you did create such a bug and so you're saying something you know isn't true (and meaning the opposite).
Diedel: actually irony means saying the opposite of what is meant, seemingly being completely serious when doing it
Diedel: no that's not sarcastic
Diedel: sarcasm has a more negative notion to it
Simone: I disagree. I don't think sarcasm has any judgmental aspect attached to it. True, it is almost always used in a negative sense, but it doesn't have to.
Diedel: I am inline with Wikipedia, btw.
Simone: Psh. And I could edit it and you wouldn't be. :P
Diedel: sarcasm has a bitterness to it
Diedel: sarcasm is if the bully just beat you and says "Did you like it? Want some more?" and you reply "Of course! Double portion!"
Diedel: (Actually saying "stupid question you fkn moron")
Diedel: don't be so sarcastic :P
Diedel: your reply was pretty sarcastic
Diedel: but not ironic
Simone: Lol the one regarding Wikipedia?
Diedel: yes
Diedel: see?
Simone: Yeah, I'd say that was sarcastic, too, and not ironic.
Simone: But that doesn't prove anything!
Diedel: no, but the opposite!
Diedel: (figure that one :P)
Simone: Gah. :P
Simone: Say someone asked me "Did you finish your homework?" and I responded "Oh, of course I did" and roll me eyes, indicating that I obviously hadn't finished it. That's not bitter. I'm just deliberately saying the opposite.
Diedel: Mother asks son who wants to leave and see friends: "Did you finish your homework?"
Diedel: Son replies "Would I ever leave w/o finishing it?" and has a reputation for doing so, thats very ironic
Diedel: but not sarcastic
Simone: No, that's very much sarcastic.
Diedel: no
Diedel: it is not
Diedel: its ironic
Diedel: it's not intended to hurt
Simone: No, it's not. But that doesn't mean it's ironic.
Diedel: ISSO!
Simone: Ironic would be if he was a good student when ha said that statement, and then from that day on he always left without completing his homework.
Diedel: no, then it would be a lie, because the irony wouldn't be detectable
Simone: Not for any deliberate reasons because of that statement, but just because at that point he turned into a bad student.
Diedel: ISSO!
Diedel: nope
Diedel: negative
Simone: No it wouldn't be a lie because at the time he said it it was true.
Simone: The fact that he changed the day after he said the statement is what makes it ironic. The situation makes it ironic, not the statement.
Diedel: btw, isso = German short form of 'Das ist so', meaning "it's like that', but can also translate to "Ich Schrei SOnst" meaning "or I'll start to scream"
Diedel: no
Simone: Haha.
Diedel: irony is not necessarily unintentional. that's a wrong concept on your side
Simone: See, that's ironic right there.
Simone: I thought "ISSO" was just a typo of "is so", which would make sense as a response.
Diedel: no it's not
Diedel: you're right!
Simone: Sarcastic is if I said "ISSO!" back to you after you told me the real meaning of it.
Diedel: no, that would just be funny
Diedel: I am seeing a nice hires animation now ...
Simone: Oh, just change the subject. :rolleyes:
Diedel: I don't think we will agree on this, and imo you are wrong
Diedel: ;)
Diedel: you must be because I am always right
Diedel: (HAAAAAAAA! IRONY!!!)
Simone: Lol, no, sarcasm!
Simone: Because you know you're NOT always right. :P
Diedel: you are playing with your life ... gnaarrrrrrrrrrrrlllll
Diedel: no it's irony because its not malicious
Simone: Irony would be if you DID think you were always right after I said that.
Diedel: no
Simone: But in a sense, it is malicious, because you're trying to win an argument. :P
Simone: Now THERE'S irony.
Diedel: I am not trying to win it, I am trying to finish it as it's pointless
Diedel: noticed the 'imo'?
Simone: Lol but if you weren't trying to win it, why bother discussing it at all? :P
Diedel: now stop it I tend to get aggressive if people disagree with me over an extended period of time, like let's say 5 minutes or more :P
Simone: Haha!
Diedel: hehehe
Simone: See, now that's ironic because I tend to have the same trait. ;)
Simone: (OK OK I'll stop. :P )
Diedel: just let me send you this nice new version of netmisc.c with some special Mac code ... :P
Simone: Haha!
Simone: *must resist urge to say whether that was sarcasm or irony*
Diedel: irony, what else ............ (where's the BIG BLACK DOTS?)
Diedel: rofl
Simone: Lol.
Simone: *** simX privately wonders what the "BIG BLACK DOTS" are, and again contemplates whether that makes the statement ironic or sarcastic.
Diedel: when I typed 'irony what else ....' I felt like hitting the keyboard stronger and stronger with every dot I typed, and I felt the need to make each dot bigger and bigGER and BIGGER !!!
Diedel: grrrrrrRRRRRRRROOOOOOAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!
Diedel: hehehehehe
Simone: Hahahahaha.
Diedel: btw, Aus-RED has created a hires homing missile powerup animation from the D3 missile
Diedel: not the polymodel, the sprite you see when one floats around
Simone: ... TF? Where?
Diedel: it's private ... :P
Simone: :P
Diedel: I don't suppose you want to have it?
Diedel: (Irony! HAH!)
Simone: I wouldn't dream of ever wanting something private.
Diedel: Now you have to reply: Never. How could you think?
Simone: (Sarcasm! HAH!)
Diedel: ha! great, an ironic reply!
Diedel: you liar!
Diedel: hehehe
Simone: Lol.
Simone: And you said you were going to drop it. :rolleyes:
Simone: (Ha! Sarcasm!)
Diedel: I can only win. :P
Simone: Haha. That would be a funny game. You start out with a statement or a topic, and you have the "sarcastic" team and the "ironic" team. The sarcastic team can only give sarcastic responses, and the ironic team can only give ironic responses. :P
Diedel: sheesh this looks nice ...
Simone: Memememememememememememememememe!
Diedel: are you sure the teams would live long enough for a jury to determine a winner? :P
Diedel: (Irony!)
Diedel: hold on
Diedel: hehehe
Diedel: I hope you can wait ...
Diedel: (Sarcasm!)
Simone: No, the judge would obviously be a perfect and valid judge on the nuances between irony and sarcasm and would deliver verdicts in fractions of a second. (More sarcasm!)
Diedel: agreed
Simone: Now you just made it ironic. :P
Diedel: how boring. we are having the same opinion. :P
Simone: Haha, see that was sarcasm. :P
Diedel: where's the fun in life w/o a nice little war.
Diedel: (Sarcasm)
Simone: Oh, I genuinely agree. (Really.) (Now that's irony. :P )
Simone: (War in the metaphorical sense, of course.)
Diedel: I'll blow the missile to KB's web space
Simone: Mmmm... hi-res homing misile.
Simone: *missile.
Diedel: :P
Diedel: missle
Diedel: i know
Diedel: type
Diedel: p
Diedel: o
Diedel: dang
Simone: Haha.
Diedel: where's my keys, they must of changed their positions!
Diedel: "must of" :P
Diedel: harhar
Simone: Lol.
Diedel: someone coined the expression to 'Mobius' someone
Simone: Lol, when I see that mistake on the web, it kinda pisses me off. :P
Diedel: do you know Mobius from the DBB?
Simone: No..
Diedel: Pure Grammar Nazi
Simone: Ah, lol.
Simone: Actually, I'm quite a grammar nazi myself. :P
Diedel: but once someone got him.
Diedel: And his reply was most noteworthy, I must admit:
Diedel: Who lives by the word shall die by the word ...
Diedel: ROTFLOLOL
Simone: Hahaha!
Diedel: bwwaaahahahaha
Diedel: so funny
Diedel: still have to laugh
Simone: Haha yeah that's pretty good.
Diedel: extremely pointed
Simone: OK, see that would be an example of deliberate irony, I can admit.
Diedel: link is up, under Aus-RED's textures
Diedel: seeeeee! hah!
Simone: But not any of your other examples. :P
[...]
*** Diedel is relieved
Diedel: ooooh with timestamp of relief! :P
Simone: Haha how do you do that?
*** Diedel shrugs
Diedel: slash me something
Diedel: print the actual slash and no space
Simone: /tests this out.
*** Diedel is so smart
Simone: /apparently is not.
Diedel: '/'me
Diedel: now omit the 's
*** Simone is dumb.
*** Simone figures it out.
*** Simone 's fuzzy logic is not on.
Diedel: lol
Diedel: rofl
*** Diedel is always hungry
*** Simone gives Diedel a snack of irony-crackers.
Diedel: crunch
[...]
Simone: Did you see our Microsoft-friend offered to give you a Mac? :P
Diedel: yes, but he lives in the U.S. and I in Germany
Simone: Yeah. :\
Diedel: he can't throw it that far I guess
Diedel: (Irony!)
Diedel: :P
Simone: I dunno, maybe if you didn't live so far away from Silicon Valley, you might be able to get a Mac. (Sarcasm!)
Diedel: no sarcasm here :P
Simone: Shall I inflict some Mac-fanboyism on you? :P
Diedel: yes that's exactly what I need now
Diedel: (Sarcasm)
Simone: Yeah, I know, we all should be using Mac OS X, shouldn't we. (Sarcasm!)
Diedel: then the world would hate jobbs and wozniak instead of gates
Simone: None of that DirectX bullshit on our platform. (Serious!)
Diedel: oh yes only OpenGL 2
Simone: Heh heh heh.
And the second:
Bryce: someone should get a pilot that's a demigod at (rounding error) 0% efficiency
Simone: Lol why?
Bryce: 1. it'd be hard 2. it could never be demoted :P
Simone: Well, getting to demigod is hard anyways, and once you get past a certain number of kills you can't be demoted.
Simone: Once you get past... let's see...
Bryce: well yeah, that would be definitely impossible to demote
Simone: 4950 kills, you're automatically demigod.
Simone: No matter your efficiency.
Bryce: right, but I'm saying, if you're a demigod at 0% efficiency it's guaranteed
Simone: But if you're a demigod at 4950 kills, it's also guaranteed.
Bryce: if you're a demigod at 4950 kills you could be at 0% efficiency, same thing
Bryce: to just become a demigod at 0% you'd have just gotten your 4950th
Bryce: but it'd be funny due to irony
Bryce: also hard because you'd have to die so much :P
Simone: Not really because it'd have to practically be intentional. :P
Bryce: well yeah
Simone: So how is that ironic? :P
Bryce: intended irony can be funny
Simone: Eh, intended irony is extremely difficult to achieve, and that's not it.
Bryce: well, ironic situations that are intended might not actually be ironic but you can imagine, and that's the point :P
Simone: Exactly, irony is almost always unintended.
Simone: Oh, but you have to hear this tidbit of intended irony, it's priceless:
Bryce: well, what would you call something like *thinks* a midget driving a hummer in a circus or something like that?
Simone: Hahaha. That's just hilarious. :P
Bryce: pff :P
Bryce: humor by contrast, whatever
Bryce: so what's your irony?
Simone: Hold on. :P
Bryce: dot dot dot!
Simone: Actually, I had a huge discussion with the developer of d2x-xl over this.
Simone: I was thinking of posting it to my weblog it was hilarous.
Simone: *hilarious.
Bryce: less typo correction, more irony!
Simone: Shhh! Finding!
Bryce: oh, I thought you knew it :P
Simone: "someone coined the expression to 'Mobius' someone"
Simone: "do you know Mobius from the DBB?"
Simone: "Pure Grammar Nazi"
Bryce: DBB?
Simone: (Descentbb.net)
Simone: "but once someone got him."
Bryce: ah
Simone: "And his reply was most noteworthy, I must admit:"
Simone: "Who lives by the word shall die by the word ..."
Simone: THAT'S intended irony. :P
Bryce: mm
Simone: Not this stupid demigod with 0% efficiency. :rolleyes:
Bryce: so what's "to 'Mobius'" someone?
Simone: Doing that.
Bryce: what?
Simone: Turning around a total loss by making an ironic statement.
Bryce: as in, the grammar nazi gets caught making a mistake, and then mistypes a phrase into something relevant as a reply?
Simone: No, not mistyping.
Bryce: well, intentionally
Simone: What do you mean? There was no typo whatsoever.
Bryce: "who lives by the sword dies by the sword"
Bryce: was typed without ss to be something relevant
Simone: Heh has nothing to do with that.
Bryce: then I don't get it
Simone: Lol.
Simone: Now THAT'S irony. :P
Bryce: maybe I don't understand what series of events unfolded
Simone: Lol he's a GRAMMAR nazi, working with words. So he will be meticulous about his own language, so it's a very rare occasion when someone can get him on a grammar point. But on the one rare occasion when someone did, he turned it back around on them with an ironic statement. So even though he was skewered, he wasn't really.
Simone: *throws down hands* Nevermind. Now you took all the fun out of it. :P
Bryce: but what turning around occurred?
Simone: Because instead of having to admit his mistake, he admitted it but with a very clever statement.
Bryce: and that's ironic?
Simone: Yes.
Bryce: not as far as I can tell :P
Simone: Well you're wrong. :P
Bryce: irony is the grammar nazi making a mistake when correcting someone
Simone: No, that's just human.
Bryce: no, I mean it's an ironic occurrence
Simone: Yeah, I guess, but not as ironic as someone getting the nazi and then him making a clever statement regarding that situtaion.
Simone: *situation.
Bryce: I don't see how that is ironic at all..
Simone: Because it's unexpected! It's a total twist of the situation. You would expect that the nazi would have to be really humble and apologize/admit his mistake.
Bryce: of course, a Google "define:irony" is not getting any results of what I think irony means :P
Bryce: replying: I would expect that?
Bryce: it just seems he's witty
Simone: What would you expect? That the nazi makes sausages?
Bryce: a clever turn of phrase isn't irony...
Bryce: lol, sausages
Simone: Yes, it is irony, because the turn of phrase specifically refers to the ironic situtation.
Simone: *situation
Bryce: ah, finally: "rony usually emphasizes the contrast between the way things are expected to be and the way they actually are."
Bryce: *irony
Simone: Exactly.
Bryce: so, I'd say his response is just a witty retort, and not part of the irony itself
Simone: Um, no. What would you have expected if you saw a nazi getting skewered by a mistake he makes?
Bryce: depends on the person
Bryce: I don't know this Mobius, so I don't have expectations on his response
Simone: Lol no it doesn't depend on the person.
Bryce: well, obviously it does, since he did something you didn't expect :P
Simone: So you agree it's unexpected. :P
Bryce: to you
Simone: Lol so if I asked you "What would you expect someone to say if they were asked what 2 + 2 was", you'd say it depends on the person?
Bryce: yeah; if they have a history of, say, brain damage, or intentionally wrong answers for the sake of whatever reason they have for doing that, I'd expect a wrong answer
Simone: So you wouldn't say that in the vast majority of cases, you know what the response would be.
Bryce: now, in that example, few people would not answer correctly
Simone: But there's always a possibility.
Simone: So by your logic, it's not unexpected that they would answer 5.
Bryce: in the example of Mr. Mobius, I'd say a reply to getting caught on your own pet peeve is less standard
Bryce: sim: I'm saying that would be the expectation unless I already knew the person, since that's a very expectable case
Bryce: and I'm saying the case in the joke is not nearly as predictable
Simone: No, but it is.
Bryce: well, answer this
Bryce: by "grammar nazi" do you mean someone who gets all in a huff about people making grammar mistakes, or just someone who frequently corrects people calmly?
Simone: It doesn't matter.
Simone: A grammar nazi is someone who frequently corrects people and knows the grammar rules.
Simone: Either way, the expected response to being skewered themselves is not appreciably different.
Bryce: I do not feel the case of a grammar nazi responding to getting caught making a grammar mistake is anywhere near as predictable as the reply to asking someone what is 2+2
Bryce: lots of people have good humor :P
Simone: But 99% of the people I know who are grammar nazis would not be able to perform the quick turnabout on their feet like that guy did.
Simone: You're splitting hairs.
Bryce: perhaps if they were outright flamed by the skewerer, it would change things, since they would also be countering an inflammatory statement
Simone: Lol, no.
Simone: You're making it seem like saying "four" and "ummm... four" and "oooh! i know that! four!" are all "different" answers to the 2+2 question.
Bryce: but quick wit isn't all that unexpected, particularly for a grammar nazi, who I'd expect to be better with words and language than just anyone
Bryce: and no
Simone: Lol, no quick wit has nothing to do with being a grammar nazi. It just means that they are peeved when people use incorrect grammar.
Simone: And yes.
Bryce: ok, going on what you said then: if it has nothing to do with their being a grammar nazi, what does it have to do with the situation?
Simone: That the quick wit was unexpected!!
Bryce: but it's not!
Simone: Yes it is!
Bryce: *repeat ad infinitum*
Simone: Lol, when I say the word "man", do you read into it that the guy has brown hair, is 6 feet tall, and has blue eyes?
Bryce: no; what does that have to do with this?
Simone: Same thing with "grammar nazi". You can't associate any other attributes with a grammar nazi other than that he corrects people on grammar all the freakin' time!
Simone: Asking whether he does it calmly or inflammatorily (word?) makes no difference.
Bryce: right, so why was it so amazingly unexpected he'd have a witty response?
Simone: Because wit is totally disassociated from being a grammar nazi.
Bryce: did you know something about him that would lead you to believe he wouldn't reply like that?
Simone: No. And that's the point. It's not something you expect, because you don't associate any particular attribute with a grammar nazi other than he's a nazi about grammar.
Simone: OK, take this:
Bryce: great; now why was quick wit unexpected, and why was it ironic, if it's absolutely unassociated?
Simone: There's a door.
Bryce: no, it's a jar
Simone: You open it, someone's on the other side staring at you. Is that expected or not?
Bryce: har, continue
Bryce: it's not expected, but neither is it so unexpected as to be terribly noteworthy
Simone: Um... right.
Simone: You wouldn't be startled at all?
Bryce: I would
Simone: OK. So why?
Simone: Was there anything that led you to believe that there was not someone behind the door?
Bryce: because it is somewhat unexpected, and having someone suddenly appear in close proximity to you unless you were specifically expecting it is always startling
Bryce: now, if a grammar nazi replys with quick wit, I'd not have expected anything in particular, so it was neither expected nor particularly unexpected
Simone: Lol, but it's the same thing with the door. If it's unexpected, why? There was nothing in particular that led you to believe that no one was going to be behind that door.
Bryce: it's not the same thing, it's a different situation!
Simone: No, it's not.
Simone: The same thing with the grammar nazi.
Bryce: the level of unexpectedness depends on the specific case
Simone: Regardless of whether or not he responds with calmness or not, it's still unexpected.
Bryce: for example, being hit by lightning is a lot more unexpected than tripping when walking
Simone: So lightning is ironic.
Bryce: not at all
Simone: But you were walking along, and you didn't expect to be hit by lightining.
Bryce: being hit by lighting after taking all the things you thought were precautions, but one turned out to worsen your situation...that would be irony
Simone: Yes, I agree.
Bryce: just plain being hit by lightning would be random :P
Simone: I agree. But isn't someone staring at you behind a door just as random? Why are you startled?
Bryce: again, it depends on the case
Simone: But it doesn't.
Bryce: you can't compare like that!
Simone: Sure I can.
Bryce: first of all, irony isn't the unexpected, it's the counter to the expected (roughly)
Simone: Whether or not the guy is a stalker or whether it's just your mom, it still startles you, even though you expect a stalker to do that kind of thing.
Bryce: irony would be you opening the door because you think someone is stalking you, to find it's your mom just about to open the door, perhaps
Simone: I agree.
Simone: But you still haven't explained why you get startled, even though you have no reason to be.
Bryce: just opening a door finding someone standing there, no
Simone: I agree with that too.
Bryce: I did explain why I was startled
Simone: No, you didn't. You have no reason to believe that there is or is not a person behind the door!
Bryce: the expectations depend on the case!
Bryce: in general, I would expect there to not be a person!
Bryce: but I would expect less to be hit by lightning
Simone: But why would you expect there not to be a person? WHY?
Simone: In that specific situation, there's no reason for you to expect that!
Bryce: sigh
Bryce: by specific situation, I mean more class of situations
Bryce: expectations are generalizations
Simone: I don't care about the situation, or expectations, or generalizations. Answer the question! WHY do you get startled? You have no reason to be!
Bryce: I answered that!
Bryce: "because it's always startling to have someone appear in close proximity to you if you weren't specifically expecting it"
Bryce: or at least, it is to me; someone else could be different
Simone: You're begging the question. You're saying it's unexpected because you're not expecting it.
Simone: WHY are you not expecting it?
Simone: What leads you to not expect it?
Bryce: because nobody previously said they'd be coming up close to me, because I didn't hear them approaching, etc.
Simone: There has to be something.
Bryce: because people don't appear out of thin air
Simone: But you're generalizing on the people. Maybe there's an alien that DOES appear out of thin air. Maybe someone IS stalking you.
Bryce: because generally speaking, a great number of times I've opened doors, there has not been a person on the other side and I've grown accustomed to it
Simone: Great! That's an answer!
Simone: What I'm trying to point out is that it doesn't depend on any specific attribute of the person behind the door, just as it doesn't matter on any specific attribute of the grammar nazi.
Bryce: so, you've grown accustomed to people not responding with wit to being accused of their own pet peeve?
Bryce: btw, I've not
Simone: In the vast majority of cases that I know about, people are usually caught off guard when they get nailed on their own peeve.
Simone: You wouldn't agree with that?
Bryce: I would say that a majority do, but not such an overwhelming majority that I've grown so accustomed to rarely seeing the other case that it stands out
Bryce: and that sounds like the difference
Bryce: agreed? I need sleep :P
Simone: Well, I guess that's the difference. But I still would disagree on that specific point, because I've rarely seen a turnabout of wit like that.
Bryce: now, I might also say it's not irony, since I feel there is a large difference between something "unexpected" and something that's "not what is specifically expected", the key being specifically, but that's a topic for another time
Simone: Lol I would disagree. :rolleyes:
Glass Morass
Mer - Settembre 20, 2006, 02:22 m.
Click to see a larger photo. There are also larger individual photos: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. (If you want to know: yes, all of these glasses are used in our house. :) )
Italy, World Champions, 2006
Dom - Luglio 9, 2006, 04:58 p.
And Zidane? You're an ass. (Photo from the BBC.)
India Ink Drawings
Ven - Giugno 30, 2006, 02:28 m.
At the beginning, I was using ink everywhere, and as such, I couldn't draw details of the lighting or of the body.
Here, in the sixth drawing, you can see that it was the first in which I used a little bit of space, instead of using ink everywhere. However, as you can see, the ones after that are more like my first drawings.
Here, I returned to using a little bit of space.
Then, I started to use thinner lines. I really like these last five drawings, especially the last: I started to try to make small lines as opposed to making them all long.
The reason for which I made a bigger version of the House of Stairs for my final drawing was because I really liked Escher's drawings, and I wanted to try using "mutilated" perspective. (The only rule for the final drawing was that it had to be big. A few students did imaginative drawings which weren't large versions of a photo or of another drawing. However, Prof. Chagoya said to enlarge something if we couldn't find anything else to do.) The book "The Magic Mirror of M.C. Escher" was useful, because it explained a bit of the method to make the House of Stairs.
House of Stairs
Gio - Giugno 8, 2006, 01:12 m.
And the original lithograph which I used for drawing. Again, there's the mug for scale.
What do you think?
Pinocchio
Ven - Aprile 28, 2006, 09:42 m.
It's a bit late at this point, but I wanted to announce the Pinocchio play. Unfortunately, when I put an image at the start within "HTMLCode" tags for iBlog, you can't see the picture. (There must be some text before the image.)
But, if you want to know, the play was a success, and there were many people in the audience. (I was Pinocchio for the first act.) To me, it seemed like people liked the play, because they laughed a lot. There was even a part where I had to eat some pears, and one dropped on the floor but I ate it anyway. It was funny, and I'm not yet sick. ;)
Maybe I'll have some photos or a movie of the play to put up here.
Lyrics: "Gender Bombs", "Stop Crying Your Heart Out", "Ghost"
Lun - Dicembre 12, 2005, 11:33 p.
Brains on a brick wall From gender bombs that fall The sordid way her loaded phrases Infiltrate your skull But images are strong Impulses are strong And logic will break your heart Forever Be brave Massive suicide dreams That feel warm And long The girl will school you... |
Hold up Hold on Don't be scared You'll never change what's been and gone May your smile (may your smile) Shine on (shine on) Don't be scared (don't be scared) Your destiny may keep you warm 'Cause all of the stars Are fading away Just try not to worry You'll see them some day Take what you need and be on your way and stop crying your heart out... |
Lately I've been thinking Lately I've been dreaming with you I'm so resistant to this type of thinking Oh now it's shining through I was alone for the last time before my night's vacation with you Alive from the first now I'm denied by the ghost of you Oh you take yourself a photograph and laugh at me Please I know there's little use in crying It's more wide awake and dying than i'm used to I thought we'd walk these streets together Now I'm hoping that I'll never have to meet you Step aside from all this anger And somewhere in between I can feel you Ask me should we try again I'm thinking no, yeah It's not what I believe in It's not what I believe in... |
I found "Gender Bombs" a few months back when I talked about "Still in Love Song". However, I was a bit scared about talking about that song because of the S-word. (If you want to know, no, I don't have any intention of doing that. :P )
The internet makes you stupid, but damn is it funny
Mar - Dicembre 6, 2005, 01:40 m.
Exhibit B: ATTN: all little girls
Exhibit C: Inspector Gadget Loves Milkshake! (thanks to Dan Dickinson)
Exhibit D: 404
Exhibit E: Assault on Mordor
Exhibit F: O RLY Owls
Exhibit G: You are
Exhibit H: The Almighty Twenty
Exhibit I: Uncomfort
Exhibit J: Apple Customers Not Clear On Economics, Personal Issues
Exhibit K: Boredom Wheel
Exhibit L: Indecent Proposal
Exhibit M: Always Remember, Never Forget!
... and this one is a little distasteful, but ...
Exhibit N: Sim City Katrina New Orleans