Destinations and Baggage
Several years ago i was introduced to Dr. Claudia Black. She is a psychologist who has great things to say about life, shame, habits, and other topics. Her lectures and books have become very important to me. Every day I use the things I have learned from her. Those things help me personally, and they are useful in my efforts to help others. Let me share two important things from Dr. Black with you today: destination, and baggage.
Dr. Black says that destination determines everything. For instance, if you're going fishing for the day you think one way. If you're going to the big city to shop for a day, you think another way. If you're taking a vacation to Yellowstone, you think still another way. If you're being deployed as a soldier to Iraq, you think another way.
Destination determines more than our thinking. It determines what we need to take along with us. For the day fishing trip you would need fishing gear, bait, and perhaps bug spray. You wouldn't need those things if you were going shopping! But you would need credit cards, some comfortable shoes, and an empty car trunk to bring your purchases home in. If you were going to Yellowstone for a vacation, you might need camping gear, several days extra clothes, and camera. You get the idea. I won't even go into details about what you would need in Iraq.
Two big problems face people today. First of all, many have no idea what their destination is. They wander around from place to place, or sit down bewildered because their lives lack direction and purpose.
And then there's the baggage. It would be ridiculous and burdensome to take several suitcases of clothes and toiletries when one was only going shopping at the mall. But people have bulky baggage that they take with them wherever they go. Burdens, fears, anxieties, stresses, prejudices, etc.
So Doctor Black says we all need to begin by setting a destination. That can change, and often does. But it's important to think rationally and pick a destination and not change it without good reason. Once the destination is picked, it will be fairly simple to know what baggage to take along. And what NOT to take!
Doctor Black is a counselor. She trains counselors. She tells counselors that one of our primary tasks is to assist people in determining their destinations. We shouldn't actually do it for them, but we can certainly assist.
Then, as people have their destinations, we can help them sort through their baggage.
When I help people sort through their baggage they are sometimes amazed at how much baggage they are dragging around. When they start opening it up, they find some of it isn't even theirs! They are dragging along baggage from parents, past hurts, and things that rightfully belong to other people. It's a real joy to see people discarding things that are not useful to them in reaching their destinations. Their load is not only lighter, they may actually get to the destination, not just think about it.
One of the problems in our society is that people are carrying around so much excess baggage that it simply gets them down. And, not having someone to help them sort through it, they just start looking for ways to carry it all with more ease. (Alcohol, drugs, gambling, and casual sexual encounters all advertise themselves as ways to make it easier to carry one's baggage. But they don't work for long.)
It's like dragging several suit-cases through an airport and then seeing an available baggage cart. That's exciting! So you load the suit-cases onto the baggage cart, and now you can move them more easily.
For awhile.
Because baggage carts sometimes have wheels that don't work. Sometimes they tip over. And when these things happen, the baggage cart ceases to be a help, and becomes another big piece of useless and awkward baggage!
It happens all the time. Go to bars, and Internet porn sites, and casinos, and see people who were trying to make their loads lighter and they just came up with more baggage.
I hope I've made the point.
What's your destination?
You've got to figure that out FIRST.
Then the next questions are easier: What baggage do you need to get there? And what do you NOT need?
Good traveling to you!
(And beware of baggage carts that don't really work.)

