Our yard has grubs. I don't know what kind. In fact, until last week, I didn't even know what they looked like. But the day we took pictures of our poor, besieged lawn to the Agricultural Extension booth at the farmer's market, they said, "Yep. Looks like you've got grubs, alright." We put some beneficial nematodes on the grass in the fall; they recommend ("they" here being garden experts, and not the actual nematodes) that you put on a second application the next spring to catch any stragglers. And since I found actual grub-looking things in the garden, that seems wise.

So when you purchase nematodes, the postman brings a smallish box marked: Live Insects, Please Rush! to your door. If you're not ready to apply them right away, you're supposed to put them in the refrigerator until conditions are just right. Nothing makes your guests feel right at home like a package marked "live insects" in the fridge.

You then spend the next two weeks hoping for rain, which of course guarantees you sunny weather for weeks at a stretch. The little critters are supposed to be applied when the ground is wet, and then washed into the soil, so ideally you should apply them in the rain, after it has already rained for an hour, and when it should rain another hour or so afterward. After two weeks of sunshine we had some showers in the morning and afternoon. That evening (nematodes dry up in the sunshine, so it has to be after sundown if it's not really, really cloudy or, you know, raining) I prepared my magic mixture. You take a little blue sponge, which looks for all the world like just a little blue sponge but is allegedly jam-packed with a million microscopic critters (really--the package says "one million nematodes"), and rinse it out in a gallon of water. The water then looks completely unchanged. You fill up the reservoir of a hose applicator with this water, attach it to a hose, and spray. Since the nematode mixture is clear, there's no way of knowing when the reservoir of the sprayer has used up the mixture and is now drawing just normal water. You just spray a lot, and hope there's something in there. I feel like clapping my hands and saying "yes, I do believe in nematodes." Cross your fingers, everyone. If this works, then we can go after the dandelions, crabgrass, ground ivy and the half-windshield's worth of glass still in front from the magnificent car crash in our yard during our absence.