climbing up and out


It's been a long month, October. It was my month of job hunting. I've felt like I was in a cloud most of the month. I don't know if it was rebellion or depression or what, but I barely did what I needed to do to keep things going in our household. I was just plain lazy, really. Of course I did send out resumes faithfully, and I kept the house clean including vacuuming and such. But I let the laundry go until we ran out of things, and I often left dishes in the sink... which I hardly ever do. None of that is at all contemptible really, except that I had the time to do it. It wasn't like I was too busy. Actually, I slept in a lot, stayed in bed until later in the day, spent a lot of time online or watching tv. I didn't even take the opportunity to work on any of the projects that I used to wish I had more time to do, like making my own stationary, or beading a designed bracelet, or making paper, etc. And then for the past couple of weeks, I didn't even cook hardly at all. I just threw together quick and easy meals like sandwiches or canned soup. That was NOT like me at all. I am a from-scratch cook and baker at heart. It was kind of weird. It was like I was in this stupor or something. I felt semi-tired, but not dragged down. Just like I was on the verge of napping all the time. I knew that if I mustered myself, I would have all the energy I needed to get anything done. I was just never motivated to MUSTER. I made a comment about it in an earlier post. I was thinking that what I was doing was like a last hurrah before I had to go back to work full time. Because that's what I was facing.

Now that I had to turn the job offer down because of Greg's promotion and transfer, I am back again. Last night at youth group, where I am on volunteer staff as I went through the crowd of kids who had gone forward for prayer, as I prayed for them, I caught a quick vision for myself. It was of me climbing up from inside a long dark tunnel, There was someone a little ways ahead of me and I was trying to follow them up. As quickly as it had come to me, it was over. But I knew immediately that it was about what I had just gone through. I have been in a dark tunnel in my life and am now climbing up and out of it.

The Christian life is not always rosy, there are challenges and dark times, times of testing and building faith. Always through it all, the bright times and the dark times, God is right there with us. He hears our prayers and He cares about every detail of our lives. He sends us messages in many ways reminding us that He is there, that He cares. A glorious sunset. A baby's giggle. A hilarious joke. An unexpected hug. Words repeated in things we read or see or hear from various sources. A vision that clarifies everything.

Today I have climbed out of that tunnel and my heart just soars with the joy that can only come from God. I feel different. I even look different today. I've got things to do now. So, I'd better get started.

Posted: Mon - October 25, 2004 at 09:59 AM           |

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