For Laughs

For 'lunch,' most people in Holland will use the English word.
If it's a hot meal, you could say middageten ('afternoon meal.')
For laughs, you could use the almost Medieval word het noenmaal ('the noon meal') - no Dutchman would say that, but it will be understood. (It's a standard example at school.)

Asking for the bill in as restaurant, you could say:
Hoeveel is de schade? which is literally,
'what's the damage?' like, 'How far does that set me back?'

An extremely formal way of asking someone's name is:
Met wie heb ik het genoegen?
('Who is it that I have the pleasure [to meet]')

A polite way to ask if you have met someone before is:
Kan het zijn dat ik U ken?
(['Could it be that I know you?] - have we met before?')
If you're brave you could try the 'uneducated' version:
Ken 't zijn dat ik U kan? (A and E are switched)
For a previous generation, these phrases were part of a joke about the low level of education of the collaborators with the Germans in WWII:
Before the War, mayors would say to each other on meeting 'Kan het zijn dat ik U ken?' - but during the War, mayors would say: 'Ken 't zijn dat ik U kan?'

An extremely formal phrase for offering someone a drink is:
Mag ik U een verfrissing aanbieden?
('May I offer you a refreshment?') - but it's more often said in jest, when opening a window or door in a stuffy room.

A fun expression of amazement:
Nou breekt m'n klomp.
('That takes the cake/biscuit.' - Literally: Now that makes my wooden shoe fall apart.)
Other mild expressions of amazement: Grote grutten 2 (something like 'good grief!') - alsjemenou 2 (something like 'holy cow!')

Deksels! is a very mild curse. No-one should be offended by it. It also means 'lids of pots & pans.'
Another very mild curse is drommels! - I guess it has to do with donder ('thunder.')

Ik ben een eenvoudig iemand. ('I'm a plain and simple man (or woman)' - iemand is 'person,' man or woman)

Je kunt niet alles weten. 2 ('[You can't] It is not possible to know everything.')

't Blijft tobben. ('There's always something, things never go entirely right.')

Alle gekheid op een stokje 2 ('[All the silliness on a stick] - joking aside,' now let's stop the joking and get down to business.)

hagedis

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Don't be a dief (thief) / dievegge (female thief) - diefstal (theft) - stelen (to steal) - heler (dealer in stolen goods) - hear Dutch - 2