Suggestions For Wacko Jacko




So now Wacko Jacko is free. What's next? Does he record a new album? Does he change his ways? I've heard all the pundits chime in with suggestions. So I guess that gives me license to do the same.

Music 4 Life's Suggestions For Jacko:

• Ditch the R&B producers. Look in the mirror Mike. You aren't black anymore.
• Hire "Mutt" Lange to write and produce next album. His crafty pop/rock sensibilities will bring a new edge to your lightweight sound. Think AC/DC meets Shania Twain. Hopefully he can position you somewhere in middle.
• Go on a Carl's Jr. binge. Eat the most fattening hamburgers for every meal. You need to put on, oh, say 100 pounds or so. If given the opportunity to a commercial for them, do it! I hear it really boosts the careers of superstars who really don't have careers (ask Paris).
• Beat up the lead singer of the Von Bondies. It will do wonders for your career and image.
• Sell the ranch. You need the money and you shouldn't have any use for the carnival rides anymore.
• Move to the beach and take up yachting or something. Superstars need a high profile, expensive hobby. And besides, you need to work on your tan.
• What's with the badges and the weird suits? Let's see you in more of an Uncle Kracker outfit - baggy shorts, Def Leppard tee under a flannel shirt and a trucker hat. And a wallet on a chain to accessorize.

Follow these suggestions Jacko and you'll quite certainly be on the road to superstardom! If not, you'll at least be tolerable again.

No more MJ news for a while....please!

Posted: Tue - June 14, 2005 at 12:30 PM      

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