"Das Blut der Templer" in a nutshell
Blergh! Taught me - once again - not to watch german
action movies. It was SO BAD! Dont.Ever.Watch.It. It was worse than the remale
of Dune, which I also despise!
I'll give you a short review that will leave you with as much insight as I now have, but saves you three hours - Same disappointment in shorter time, what a bargain ^_^ And I will point out whenever something is stolen from "Blade"!
I'll give you a short review that will leave you with as much insight as I now have, but saves you three hours - Same disappointment in shorter time, what a bargain ^_^ And I will point out whenever something is stolen from "Blade"!
Take some everyday guys and give the woman in charge
silly costumes exclusively shiny silk robes in silver or velvet dresses, provide
the men in either ratty looking wannabe knights robes, or in s/m worthy
leather/latex costumes most likely inspired by any futuristic anime movie. Note:
The bad boys are shiny, the good ones ratty. Still,
none
is
attractive,
so shame on you film makers! Then chose sceneries that range from city to
village, modern mall/airport to a monastery castle (WTF?!). Oh yeah, give them
fast cars and fancy swords to slash around with, but - at all cost - avoid
giving them proper sword practice!!! Finish the plot with a tragic battle around
the Gral™ and let the good
win.
It's not that we don't have the techniques and choreographer, or even the actors (although I'd be cautious with estimations of those). Adapting things from successful or great movies isn't bad either. As long as you get inspired and don't just copy! Also, when you copy, do it right. What they did is, they took good effects and overdid them until they were bad. A private note to the Bad guy No 1: Alright, he wasn't pretty but not ugly either. I actually approve of his very laid back evil style, it reminded me of some good, classic evil guys from anime mangas. His charisma was cool and menacing enough to make him one attractive-through-evilness guy. But.They.Ruined.It. My initial genuinely approving gaze was brutally violated by the evil guy's flobbly wobbly belly. NO self-loving, boastful, showing-off evil guy would allow himself to be in such poor physical shape. Nope. Don't buy that.
~
Here it is - the condensed Plot:
Opening: Fancy title fonts in metallic optic (STOLEN FROM "BLADE")
Scene of the past:
Bad Knights: hanging out in front of church
Good Knights: approach church
//sword wielding, everyone looking very unable, Bad guy No1 looks menacing *cough*, lazying off on his car (!) and starts slashing some good guys. But other good Knights, namely Good Knight No.1 and his Best Friend And Comrade™ enter church anyway. Woman in charge with shiny costume aka Mommy™ is baptizing baby. Gets overwhelmed, Baby taken. Ratty Good Knight No1 tries killing baby but succumbs to puppy-eyes for reasons discovered at the end of the movie. (of course, else there'd be no Plot!).
Baby grows to very average looking boy. Good Knight No1 is father figure, now known as Good Knight And Keeper™. Boy is in monastery school. This all kept secret from the Good Knight's organization, mind you. Boy ogles The Girl™ and gets beaten by other boy. Boy learns he's equipped with healing superpowers. Unfortunately, so does doctor in hospital.//
Bad guy No1 kidnaps boy after fighting Good Knight And Keeper™ and Best Friend And Comrade™:
"This is your mother, I'm (your) evil uncle. We are good, the guys who raised you want to kill you. Welcome to the family" - Boy: "Huh?Mama! *cries* How mean the others were! And you! How could you not tell me for 18 years! But I forgive and love you!" (Note that Mommy™ wasn't allowed visiting hours by the kidnappers).\
Boy learns sword handling *COUGH!* from Evil Uncle™. In first lesson, Evil Uncle™ stabs him, because he can, and because he likes behaving like a prick while looking superior and menacing.
Boy goes back to kill former father figure, Good Knight And Keeper™. And to steal The Gral™ on mommy's order.
Oops! He finds out his gruffy keeper IS his REAL father. Boy acts mercy and is known as Hero Boy™ from now on.
(The acting-mercy-business isn't shown until the second part, but when Hero Boy rams his sword down everyone knows it's just going into the stone floor)
THAT WAS FILM NO.1.
ON TO FILM NO.2:
Hero Boy™ changes sides again and ignores fact that he liked his mother, who, besides, had a nicer mansion, nicer cars, more money and better clothing style. Good Knight And Keeper-No-Real Father™, Hero Boy™ and The Girl™ escape through obligatory secret door. The Gral™ is stolen by Evil Uncle™.
Best Friend And Comrade™ of Good Knight And Keeper -No-Real Father™gets killed by Evil Uncle™. Not that Best Friend And Comrade™ couldn't have gone through the same secret door like Good Knight And Keeper -No-Real Father™, noo waay!
//sword wielding. poor attempts at plot.//
Hero Boy™ finds out he is the link between the two old knight organizations. Uh hu. Thus very important. (STOLEN FROM "BLADE")
Mommy™ still craves immortality and it's side effect of mighty power. Realizes that Hero Boy™'s blood is the key (STOLEN FROM "BLADE").
Before Hero Boy can blame his father for keeping aaall these things secret from him, Evil uncle™ kills him. Good Knight And Keeper -No-Real Father™ dies, but not before giving his son the all mighty and power-ish Tempelmeister Schwert™ (another item everyone was lusting after).
Old monk and teacher of Hero Boy™ kills Evil Uncle™.
//more sword wielding, character angst, slight romance lead to The Ceremony which means to activate The Gral™ and make beautiful Mommy immortal.//
Blood of Hero Boy™ triggers magical Gral process (STOLEN FROM "BLADE"). Very bad FX effects come to light here. The Gral™ looks like a giant piece of wobbling liver! Mommy drinks _stuff_ although Hero Boy promises to stand by her side "You don't need it, Mommy! I'll be there for you" - Mommy: "Sluuuurrrp!" (Note: she gets no blood on her face/lips althouh her hands are full of it when she lifts them up to Sluurrp).
Mommy feels mighty and saunters down stairs, feeling mighty. Breaks down. Dies. (death part STOLEN FROM "BLADE")
Wounded monk, Hero Boy™ and Heroine (The Girl™) leave to a most likely happy ending.
~
German film industry can be so disappointing. I feel ashamed of my country for this one -_-;;
It's not that we don't have the techniques and choreographer, or even the actors (although I'd be cautious with estimations of those). Adapting things from successful or great movies isn't bad either. As long as you get inspired and don't just copy! Also, when you copy, do it right. What they did is, they took good effects and overdid them until they were bad. A private note to the Bad guy No 1: Alright, he wasn't pretty but not ugly either. I actually approve of his very laid back evil style, it reminded me of some good, classic evil guys from anime mangas. His charisma was cool and menacing enough to make him one attractive-through-evilness guy. But.They.Ruined.It. My initial genuinely approving gaze was brutally violated by the evil guy's flobbly wobbly belly. NO self-loving, boastful, showing-off evil guy would allow himself to be in such poor physical shape. Nope. Don't buy that.
~
Here it is - the condensed Plot:
Opening: Fancy title fonts in metallic optic (STOLEN FROM "BLADE")
Scene of the past:
Bad Knights: hanging out in front of church
Good Knights: approach church
//sword wielding, everyone looking very unable, Bad guy No1 looks menacing *cough*, lazying off on his car (!) and starts slashing some good guys. But other good Knights, namely Good Knight No.1 and his Best Friend And Comrade™ enter church anyway. Woman in charge with shiny costume aka Mommy™ is baptizing baby. Gets overwhelmed, Baby taken. Ratty Good Knight No1 tries killing baby but succumbs to puppy-eyes for reasons discovered at the end of the movie. (of course, else there'd be no Plot!).
Baby grows to very average looking boy. Good Knight No1 is father figure, now known as Good Knight And Keeper™. Boy is in monastery school. This all kept secret from the Good Knight's organization, mind you. Boy ogles The Girl™ and gets beaten by other boy. Boy learns he's equipped with healing superpowers. Unfortunately, so does doctor in hospital.//
Bad guy No1 kidnaps boy after fighting Good Knight And Keeper™ and Best Friend And Comrade™:
"This is your mother, I'm (your) evil uncle. We are good, the guys who raised you want to kill you. Welcome to the family" - Boy: "Huh?Mama! *cries* How mean the others were! And you! How could you not tell me for 18 years! But I forgive and love you!" (Note that Mommy™ wasn't allowed visiting hours by the kidnappers).\
Boy learns sword handling *COUGH!* from Evil Uncle™. In first lesson, Evil Uncle™ stabs him, because he can, and because he likes behaving like a prick while looking superior and menacing.
Boy goes back to kill former father figure, Good Knight And Keeper™. And to steal The Gral™ on mommy's order.
Oops! He finds out his gruffy keeper IS his REAL father. Boy acts mercy and is known as Hero Boy™ from now on.
(The acting-mercy-business isn't shown until the second part, but when Hero Boy rams his sword down everyone knows it's just going into the stone floor)
THAT WAS FILM NO.1.
ON TO FILM NO.2:
Hero Boy™ changes sides again and ignores fact that he liked his mother, who, besides, had a nicer mansion, nicer cars, more money and better clothing style. Good Knight And Keeper-No-Real Father™, Hero Boy™ and The Girl™ escape through obligatory secret door. The Gral™ is stolen by Evil Uncle™.
Best Friend And Comrade™ of Good Knight And Keeper -No-Real Father™gets killed by Evil Uncle™. Not that Best Friend And Comrade™ couldn't have gone through the same secret door like Good Knight And Keeper -No-Real Father™, noo waay!
//sword wielding. poor attempts at plot.//
Hero Boy™ finds out he is the link between the two old knight organizations. Uh hu. Thus very important. (STOLEN FROM "BLADE")
Mommy™ still craves immortality and it's side effect of mighty power. Realizes that Hero Boy™'s blood is the key (STOLEN FROM "BLADE").
Before Hero Boy can blame his father for keeping aaall these things secret from him, Evil uncle™ kills him. Good Knight And Keeper -No-Real Father™ dies, but not before giving his son the all mighty and power-ish Tempelmeister Schwert™ (another item everyone was lusting after).
Old monk and teacher of Hero Boy™ kills Evil Uncle™.
//more sword wielding, character angst, slight romance lead to The Ceremony which means to activate The Gral™ and make beautiful Mommy immortal.//
Blood of Hero Boy™ triggers magical Gral process (STOLEN FROM "BLADE"). Very bad FX effects come to light here. The Gral™ looks like a giant piece of wobbling liver! Mommy drinks _stuff_ although Hero Boy promises to stand by her side "You don't need it, Mommy! I'll be there for you" - Mommy: "Sluuuurrrp!" (Note: she gets no blood on her face/lips althouh her hands are full of it when she lifts them up to Sluurrp).
Mommy feels mighty and saunters down stairs, feeling mighty. Breaks down. Dies. (death part STOLEN FROM "BLADE")
Wounded monk, Hero Boy™ and Heroine (The Girl™) leave to a most likely happy ending.
~
German film industry can be so disappointing. I feel ashamed of my country for this one -_-;;
Posted: Fr - Dezember 10, 2004 at 11:35 Uhr
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Published On: Dez 11, 2004 12:32 Uhr
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Published On: Dez 11, 2004 12:32 Uhr