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| Very Secret Diaries If you've hung around fandom long enough, you may have heard of Cassie Clare's secret diaries based on Lord of the Rings, or Beth Bernobich's diaries based on aspiring writers. They're very funny and definitely worth reading. This is my take on Jodenny and Myell. First month - Myell Day 1 Stupid spaceship. Stupid military. Cute new lieutenant, though. Polish my boots, my ass. Day 2 If we're all descended from Australia, where's the shrimp on the barbie? Why don't I say "G'day mate" or "Fair dinkum" to people? What is a dinkum? Sounds pervy. I could really do without seeing any more naked guys carrying spears. Day 3 Stupid gecko stowed away in my bag. Would have preferred a Komodo dragon. Day 4 New lieutenant likes me. I can tell. I bet right now she's at her desk, drawing our initials in a big pink heart. Fraternization regulations be damned! Day 5 Why are the robots called dingoes? They don't have fur or tails. What if one of them ate a baby? V. stupid. Day 12 Left flowers at Lieutenant Scott's hatch. She got hayfever. Must buy chocolates. Day 18 Left chocolates at Lieutenant Scott's hatch. She ate them all. Victory! Must call her Jo-Jo. Hope she doesn't throw me in the brig. Day 27 Shore leave. Jo-Jo followed me to my brother's farm and wants to seduce me, I can tell. Must find a way to get her to barn. Day 29 Barn seduction failed. Hay makes her sneeze. Hey, what about these ancient giant stone monuments that conveniently litter the countryside? Let's go into one of them! Day 30 Stupid stone monuments. Head still hurts.
First month - Jodenny Day 1 A job! Woo hoo! Get me off this planet. Who names a planet Kookaburra, anyway? Day 2 If I'm Australian, shouldn't I be called Sheila? Or Matilda? So confused. Day 5 Cute sergeant keeps winking at me. I think he must have a nervous tic. Or is pervy. Day 13 Secret admirer left flowers at door. Ensign Hultz must have crush on me. Lied, told her I was allergic. She denied everything. Day 18 Chocolates with macademia nuts! Secret admirer is v. generous. Day 27 Everyone gets to go on shore leave except me. Bastards. Day 28 Shore leave! Played Nancy Drew. Or Scooby Doo. Always forget my Earth pop culture references. Sergeant Myell looks very nice in sweater. Would look even better with sweater off. Day 29 Don't want to go back to ship. Let's hang out at big stone monument for awhile. Day 30 Biggest discovery since forever! I'm going to be famous. Hope no one asks what I was doing there with my sergeant.
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