Runalong

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

16 RULES THAT TOOK ME NEARLY 60 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

So I was preaching on Psalm 32, one of my very, very favorites and I came to verse 2 which declares the blessings of the man whose sin has been covered. I was explaining the meaning of the word "covered" and of the word used here for "sin", which means to miss the mark or to come up short.

Great truths in a great passage with great comfort and great application. What wasn't so great were the words that somehow came out of my mouth:

"Blessed is the man whose falling shorts are covered by the Lord!"

For awhile in high school I dated a girl with a wooden leg but I had to break it off.

This has been making the rounds of the blogosphere lately. Personally, I'd take the cat. But don't show this to a certain daughter of mine who doesn't much care for her husband's cat...



HT: Scotte

This has been going around the internet. You are supposed to copy it and sent it to all your friend(s), who then answer and yada, yada. Although I'm a sociable people-loving person (that's my story and I'm sticking to it), after reading about 30 people's responses to "what color are your socks?" and "Cherries or Blueberries?" I decided to dedicate my version to Ted's cat (who doesn't mind the cussing, but may take offense at #12):

1. What is your occupation? I'm currently occupied filling out this survey.
2. What color are your socks right now? Same color they were yesterday.
3. What are you listening to right now? I can't listen and type at the smae tmie. %$^!, see what you made me do!
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Arsenic, he answered posthumously.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? No, but I can drive a car with manual transmission.
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? I call Warren Buffet once a day to give him stock tips.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Not anymore.
8. How old are you today? 25, he answered dyslexically.
9. Favorite drink? This time of year: Tadpole smoothies.
10. What is your favorite sport to watch? The Tour de Fargo
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? no, everyone's hair is this color where I come from.
12. Pets? Varies, let me check the freezer.
13. Favorite food? Hot dogs (see #12).
14. What was the last movie you watched? The Last Picture Show (was that supposed to be a trick question?)
15. What's your favorite day of the week? Tomorrow
16. How do you vent anger? None of your #^*@! business!!!
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? The chemistry set, until the FBI took it away.
18. What is your favorite season? cayenne pepper
19. Hugs or kisses? Anything chocolate is fine with me.
20. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries. I have a bag of dehydrated blueberries that says, "Helps prevent aging."
21. Living arrangements? That's next on my to-do list.
22. What is on the floor of your closet? carpeting.
23. What did you do last night? None of what they're accusing me of.
24. Favorite smells? Earthworms dying on the sidewalk after a summer rain.
25. What inspires you? Rich celebrities who drone on about simplifying their lives.
26. What are you afraid of? Anything that prevents aging.
27. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? I'll take the plain cheese.
28. Favorite dog breed? Oscar Meyer
29. How many states have you lived in? Confusion, Denial, Disarray... I could go on.
30. Favorite holiday? Send Your Children to Work Day

Having spent many years in college classrooms, both as professor & professee (?), this is hilarious...

I've only found one so far and that was plenty. Most cases seem to happen on Law & Order but hey, everyone on that show finds dead bodies. I have found a couple of stolen cars though, as recently as last week. But most of the bodies I've come across have been alive and well.

Anyway, you can read all about this horrific trend here.