Life's Little Confusion Book



These are from "Life's Little Instruction Book." With instructions like these on "how to live a happy and rewarding life", who needs clarity?

26. In a fight, hit first and hit hard.
33. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
In a fight, I want you to hit me first, so take this!

17. Live beneath your means.
15, 18, 67, 261. Own a great stereo system. Own the best house you can afford. Demand excellence and be willing to pay for it. Take family vacations whether you can afford them or not.
Whoever thought that living beneath your means could be so decadent?!

130. Leave the toilet seat in the down position.
The four females in my house got mad when i did this. Or did you mean...

226. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
What if they read this book, too?

238. Don't encourage rude or inattentive service by tipping the standard amount.
Is that what tipping the standard amount encourages? Who knew?

249. Hire people smarter than you.
Result: the higher you go up the organizational chart, the dumber people are.

250-251. Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don't feel like it. Learn to show enthusiasm, even when...
452. Never compromise your integrity.
I guess I need to learn to be more sincere about faking cheerfulness and enthusiasm.

82. Steer clear of restaurants with strolling musicians.
300. Street musicians are a treasure. Stop for a moment and listen; then leave a small donation.
Keep 'em begging! Otherwise they might get a job in a restaurant with a regular paycheck!

OK, you two huggers, you can let go now! No hitting!

Posted: Mon - November 14, 2005 at 06:43 PM          

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