"The Lord is a shoving leopard" and other spoonerisms



The following are attributed to Reverend Spooner himself:

As Dr. Spooner led a parishoner down the aisle of the church. He allegedly stated: "Come this way and I'll sow you to a sheet."

"Which of us has not felt in his heart a half-warmed fish?"

During WWI he reassured his students, "When our boys come home from France, we will have the hags flung out."

To a group of farmers, he began, "I have never before addressed so many tons of soil."

He once announced the next hymn as "From Iceland's Greasy Mountains."

"Is the bean dizzy?"

The Rev. Spooner was proposing a toast to begin a dinner at Oxford which was supposed to say, "Let us raise our glasses and toast the dear Queen (Victoria)." What he actually said was, "Let us glaze our asses and toast the queer dean."

Dr. Spooner found himself in quite a situation when he was invited to a very formal occasion in England an occasion at which it was necessary for people to appear in pairs, whether they happened to be husband and wife, significant other, or whatever. And as luck would have it, at the last minute, Mrs. Spooner felt ill, wasn't able to go, and Dr. Spooner hurriedly raced around and found someone else to go with him. As he greeted his hostess, instead of saying "Oh good evening, Mrs. Wellsley. I'm so pleased to be here. And you will be pleased to know that I have, due to the illness of my wife, produced a substitute", he said: "You will be so pleased to learn that because of my wife's illness, I have managed to seduce a prostitute."

Other Spoonerisms, not by Spooner:

It is kisstomary to cuss the bride

The fog is as thick as sea poop.

A radio announcer was supposed to urge his audience to "get the best in bread," but transposed.

Fred Hoey once began a broadcast by saying, "Good afternoon, Fred Hoey, this is everybody speaking."

A TV cooking expert began by saying, "First you take a leek..."

An announcer once introduced the then President of the United States as "Hoobert Heaver"

I frequently tell me wife that I'm going to shake a tower and touch my breeth. It's a running gag (one she's probably sick of) and of course I do it intentionally.... every time except the first time I said it! They don't call me "Master Park" for nothing!

Posted: Tue - June 20, 2006 at 07:05 PM          

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