Ultrarunner survey reveals startling results!



Someone sent me a questionairre today asking about characteristics of "typical" ultrarunners.
(Ultrarunners are brain-damaged athletes such as myself who regularly compete in foot-races ranging from 31 to 100+ miles). Here are the questions and my answers:

What "is" your average ultra runner?
A carbohydrate-based life form who is too old for real sports and too clutzy for golf.

What does one weigh?
Trick Question? One weighs one, except in foreign countries where one weighs 2.2.

Where does one live?
Unlike mountain bikers who all live in Moab, Utah; you can find ultrarunners living all over the world in the backs of their SUVs.

What kind of job?
Most find that their duties as physical-therapy patients require their full-time attention.
Yes, ultrarunners are the backbone of the American health care system!

What about political affiliation?
Half are sensitive, tolerant, environmentalists and the other half of us are intolerant anti-environmental corporate-lackey war-mongering neanderthals but we don't know why.

number of miles per week?
Fifty until we buy a Garmin GPS to accurately measure our runs. Sudden drop to forty until we throw it out, then back to fifty.

train alone or run with others?
With others! You'll often find us leading a herd of caribou on their annual migration or bounding with gazelles through the woods.

how many events does one attend per year, how old, how tall?
All ultraruners attend exactly 6 events per year per federal income tax regulations. The average event is many moons old and as tall as the tallest mountains (except in Kansas and other places where forbidden by law)..

giver or taker, trails or roads, married or single?
Hold on, buddy! I see your game. You aren't really a scientist, you're just trying to find a date!
So, how much money did you say you make?

If we as an "ultra community" had to put a face on ourselves, who's would it be?
Obviously YOU are hoping for Halle Berry's!
Seriously, most of us wear bags over our faces and ask people to judge us solely by our calves.

AND is "average ultra runner" an oxymoron?
Ultrarunners are a diverse lot- we have all kinds of morons, not just oxy-.

Posted: Fri - October 21, 2005 at 09:44 AM          

©