Dominoes


"Wasting time with dominoes. A day so dark, so warm, life that comes to no harm."

Started today excited. It had the best of every possible world in it. It wasn't a neutral day either. Then, like bubbles popping, every last bit of anything worth a fuck slowly vanished. I just want today to be over. I want nothing that I now feel like I don't deserve. I want to be left alone by the gods who would fuck with me. I just want to be free of the shame and humiliation of having gotten a little too excited about the new toys under the tree, you know?

Fuck.

It just proves that it is better not to expect a damned thing and to be surprised that once in a decade when something great happens to you. Then again, trying to make the best of it maybe I need to remember that it isn't my job to be here to take or to enjoy my own things. It is my place to lend without expecting to get anything back, to give without strings, to help without expectation. It is a lot nicer when I'm in the right place to be that guy. Today I just want to not do today anymore.

There were cool dreams last night. I didn't update them this morning because I was on cloud nine about tonight. Now I just don't give a fuck about some lame-assed blog. The dream report can wait.

Posted: Mon - November 17, 2003 at 05:01 PM      

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