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Published: Sep 16, 2005 01:40 PM
Wed - December 24, 2003
Profiting With Every Christmas Card He Writes
If my old friend Kevin isn't wealthy
today, it isn't for lack of trying.
He
resembled a Chinese version of Santa Claus so it's not surprising that the
holidays always remind me of my long-lost friend, Kevin, and his many creative
but ultimately fruitless get-rich-quick schemes. There was the scheme to corner
the Christmas ornament market, the scheme to invent a best-selling board game,
and my personal favorite, the scheme to turn $20,000 worth of ordinary postage
stamps into a fortune.
Let me take you back 10 years in time to a sidewalk cafe in Chicago, Illinois, where two young lawyers—Kevin and Ron—are chatting over coffee. Though licensed to practice law in the United States, Kevin has immigrated from Hong Kong and still isn't entirely familiar with our culture. His friends help fill any gaps in his knowledge.
"Bell," Kevin said—he always insisted upon using my last name—"I have something to ask you—something that could be very profitable—but you must not tell a soul about it."
He paused, glanced around us, and leaned forward conspiratorially, whispering, "If I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps, could I use them to pay my rent?"
"WHAT?!?"
"If I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps—"
"I heard you the first time. No, Kevin, you could not use postage stamps to pay your rent."
"Why not? They have face value! They are printed by the government!"
"Yes, but you can't use stamps to pay rent. They aren't considered legal tender."
His brow furrowed, his head fell into his hands as he brooded. For a moment, he was silent.
"Bell, if I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps, could I use them to buy my groceries?"
"No, you can't just—"
"Why not? They have face value! They are printed by the government!"
"I told you. They're not legal tender. You can't use them for anything but sending mail."
"That's STUPID!"
"Maybe so, but that's the way it is."
Again, the brow furrowed, the head and the silence fell.
""Bell, if I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps, do you think the firm would buy them from me? The firm sends a lot of mail."
"NO!" I shouted. "No, I don't think the firm would buy $20,000 worth of stamps from you. But Kevin, why in the WORLD would you ever want to BUY that many stamps?"
He eyed me coolly.
"You are very loud and excitable, but I will tell you. In a week, the postal service will begin to accept credit cards to pay for stamps. I have a card that gives me airline miles for purchases. I do not want $20,000 worth of stamps, but I do want 20,000 frequent flyer miles. So I thought—"
"NO!" I said. "NO! It won't work. Just give it up!"
"I see."
We paid for our meal and were halfway back to work when he said, "Bell, you have a healthy appetite. If I purchased $20,000 worth of food stamps, do you think we could eat that much in a year?"
Let me take you back 10 years in time to a sidewalk cafe in Chicago, Illinois, where two young lawyers—Kevin and Ron—are chatting over coffee. Though licensed to practice law in the United States, Kevin has immigrated from Hong Kong and still isn't entirely familiar with our culture. His friends help fill any gaps in his knowledge.
"Bell," Kevin said—he always insisted upon using my last name—"I have something to ask you—something that could be very profitable—but you must not tell a soul about it."
He paused, glanced around us, and leaned forward conspiratorially, whispering, "If I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps, could I use them to pay my rent?"
"WHAT?!?"
"If I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps—"
"I heard you the first time. No, Kevin, you could not use postage stamps to pay your rent."
"Why not? They have face value! They are printed by the government!"
"Yes, but you can't use stamps to pay rent. They aren't considered legal tender."
His brow furrowed, his head fell into his hands as he brooded. For a moment, he was silent.
"Bell, if I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps, could I use them to buy my groceries?"
"No, you can't just—"
"Why not? They have face value! They are printed by the government!"
"I told you. They're not legal tender. You can't use them for anything but sending mail."
"That's STUPID!"
"Maybe so, but that's the way it is."
Again, the brow furrowed, the head and the silence fell.
""Bell, if I were to purchase $20,000 worth of postage stamps, do you think the firm would buy them from me? The firm sends a lot of mail."
"NO!" I shouted. "No, I don't think the firm would buy $20,000 worth of stamps from you. But Kevin, why in the WORLD would you ever want to BUY that many stamps?"
He eyed me coolly.
"You are very loud and excitable, but I will tell you. In a week, the postal service will begin to accept credit cards to pay for stamps. I have a card that gives me airline miles for purchases. I do not want $20,000 worth of stamps, but I do want 20,000 frequent flyer miles. So I thought—"
"NO!" I said. "NO! It won't work. Just give it up!"
"I see."
We paid for our meal and were halfway back to work when he said, "Bell, you have a healthy appetite. If I purchased $20,000 worth of food stamps, do you think we could eat that much in a year?"