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| Anthem • Libations • Cuisine • Home Theater • Lines • Night Reading • Poetry |
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| Impersonal Ad Model for a personal guaranteed to attract as few women as possible, written but never placed by Rick Marin with John Daly in 1991: |
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| "Moderately insensitive bachelor, 29, seeks vivacious female with highly developed sense of irony. Should have seen at least three Fassbinder films, without liking them. No vegans or spiritually-inclined respondants, please. Appreciation of P.G. Wodehouse, Pee-Wee Herman and lingerie an asset." |
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| Anthem: | Click to hear "Pushing You Away"
Pushing You Away by John Daly For R.T. Marin - A Sensitive Guy I don't call And I don't write And I don't care If what I do is wrong or right I don't know what I want I don't know what I "feel" And I don't know what it is That you expect me to reveal Chorus: Don't get close to me I'll push you away No matter how hard you try No matter what you say Don't search for a reason Don't search for a rhyme Whatever it is your looking for I know you'll never find I guess I didn't tell you This happens every time Another feeble opening, Another bad cliché Talking the night away As if we're in a daze But we're both just wasting time That's all pretty clear Pouring all our heart and soul Into being insincere (Chorus) Each time this gets started It seems different somehow But infatuation fades I guess you realize that by now But I'll never say "I'm sorry" I'll never say "I was wrong" And I won't really feel so bad Even when you're gone |
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Libations TIO PEPE A fine, dry (inexpensive) Spanish sherry. If you don't have sherry glasses, get them. THE HAMILTON Named after George Hamilton, who asked the bartender at Hamilton's Humidor in Pasadena for one when I interviewed him in 1997. Over ice in a short glass, pour: 1 oz. tequila 2 oz. Cranberry juice Rose's Lime Real lime juice Garnish with lime wedge GIN AND FRESCA The perfect "cottage" cocktail. Over ice in a tall glass, pour: 1 oz. gin 2 oz. Fresca Garnish with lime As my friend John Daly says, "A zippy little beverage." EL PRESIDENTE From Esquire's Handbook for Hosts (1949): "The vanguard of Manhattan's cognoscenti has discovered what regulars of El Chico in the Village have known for many a moon: the El Presidente cocktail is elixir for jaded gullets." Over ice in a tall mixing glass, pour: 1 oz. White Cuban rum 1/2 oz. Orange Curacao 1/2 oz. Dry vermouth dash of Grenadine Shake or stir well, then strain into cocktail glass. (When stirred instead of shaken, it will pour a delightfully clear, deep orange color.) A twist of orange peel may be added Recommended reading: Kingsley Amis's two (yes two) books dealing with the subject: "On Drink" and "How's Your Glass" In a similar vein: "Waugh on Wine," by Auberon Waugh, son of Evelyn, who once said, "Only perverts and weirdos don't drink and drive."
Cad Cuisine The Cad's culinary repertoire is limited, but he always has one dish up his sleeve: KFC "Surprise" (pronounced with French accent, in the same way that Peter Sellers says "Banana Surprise" in There's a Girl in my Soup). Directions: Buy as many Thrift Buckets as you need. "Decant" onto the best platter you have. Serve. Advanced Cad Gourmet Version: Add lettuce to platter. When guests demand, "Where did you get this fabulous chicken?" say, with a satisfied smile: "Jeferson Market," (or your local gourmet grocer) or "It's an old Southern recipe."
Home Theater Movies are for the Cad a source of spiritual solace and great lines. A Guide for the Married Man (1967) "A guy like that should be forbidden by law from swinging." Master philanderer Robert Morse to his pupil Walter Matthau on a married man who has displayed incompetence at the art of infidelity. Morse and Matthau elevate this Playboy cartoon period piece above the novelty cameos and low-comic vignettes like Terry Thomas desperately searching his bedroom for Jayne Mansfield's bra before his wife comes home. Alfie (1966/British) Michael Caine, cockney cocksman, attempts to answer the question (sung by Cher) "What's it all about, Alfie?" Apocalypse Now (1979) "I hardly said a word to my wife until I said yes to a divorce." Also Hearts of Darkness, but under no circumstances Apocalypse Now Redux. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) "My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really." Devil's Advocate (1997) Pacino's Paradise Lost. "The virtue of the devil is in his loins!" "I'm the hand on the Mona Lisa's thigh!" "Eddie Barzoon!" Keanu: "Are we negotiatin'?" Al: "Always!" The virtue of the devil is in Connie Neilsen. Husbands and Wives(1992) "I searched for 5 days for the right word. That's how I came up with epucious." Juliette Lewis to Woody The Girl Getters (1966/British) Quite a year, '66. Oliver Reed, before he got fat, is a photographer at a seaside resort town, where he and his mates have worked out a system for picking off birds who've flown south. Other title: "The System." The Godfather (1972) For Michael, and the part with the lighter and Enzo the baker, on the steps of the hospital. Road House (1989) "Pain don't hurt," says Patrick Swayze, the zen bouncer brought in to clean up a joint his mentor Sam Elliott calls "the Double Douche." Stoic B-movie wisdom, and violence. Can't believe I don't own this video anymore. There's a Girl in My Soup (1970/British) Peter Sellers aristocratic gourmand with a food programme on the telly he uses to pick up chicks. His "line" is, "My god but you're lovely." Works every time, except with Goldie Hawn. Withnail and I (1987/British) "Sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman." And too many other great lines to quote here. |
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