Recommandations aux
passagers.
1. Learn some elementary physics : That bag will NOT fit into the
overhead compartment.
2. Try to be smarter about seating : If you have poor bladder
control, then perhaps a window seat isn't a good choice for
you.
3. Stewardesses do not have ESP ; learn the proper use of the CALL
button.
4. Newspapers : wide ; seats : narrow. Don't open your newspaper
right into my field of view unless you're willing to let me finish
reading that column.
5. If you insist on reading my computer screen, then I insist on
typing disparaging comments about you.
6. Children travel best in one of two forms : (1) muzzled and
heavily sedated ; (2) checked baggage.
7. No one cares how much of a frequent flyer you are ; unless
you're in First Class, shut up, sit down, and buckle in like
everyone else.
8. And if you *are* in First Class, then cut the smug routine ; we
all know you got there on an upgrade.
9. If the seat in front of you is occupied, then learn how to
operate a tray table. Specifically, it is not necessary to vibrate
the occupant's fillings loose when you open the table, nor is it
necessary to knock out his contacts when stowing the table.
10. Your butt is bigger than you think ; watch where you point
it.
11. I don't care how they do things in your home state or country,
but here in the civilized world, we try to bathe at least once
within the week prior to air travel. This helps to prevent
accidental deployment of the air bags during flight.
12. If you still decide to *not* bathe prior to air travel, then at
least try to leave SOME of that cheap perfume in the bottle,
okay?
13. Your briefcase goes under the seat in *front* of you, not the
seat directly *beneath* you. MY LEGS go under the seat beneath you.
If you INSIST on providing comfortable leg room for yourself by
sliding your briefcase into the space where my feet were resting,
then expect to retrieve said briefcase with a NEW lock combination.
And yes, it will be locked, so be sure to keep the boarding pass
for your connecting flight on *you*, and not in your
briefcase.
14. Flying is like camping : Whether in your bags, in your stomach,
or on your person, you should leave with the same amount of stuff
you started with.