Why I Am Banned from the Adler Planetarium

Long, long ago (but after the events detailed in the Star Wars movies) when Paul was but a wee lad of 5 years, his aunt and uncle decided to take him to the Adler Planetarium Observatory to look through the big, big telescope. Now, it just happened Jupiter was the planet featured at the observatory that evening, which Paul thought was really cool since it was his favorite planet. This was going to be something Paul was going to be able to tell his teacher about in a high-pitched excited voice, much to her annoiment. This was going to be cool.

Now the observatory guy was telling the crowd all about Jupiter. How it was the largest planet in the solar system. How it had this big red storm on it that wouldn't be visible in the telescope. How it had four large moons, called the Galiean satellites, that would be visible in the telescope. For some reason, though, the observatory guy didn't mention anything about the rings of Jupiter, though. Jupiter does have a dim set of thin rings, nothing like Saturn's, but they are there. Well, I decided it would be best if I asked him about them, so he would remember. So I raised my hand, and soon enough he called on me.

"Ummmm," I said, "Are we going to be able to see the rings of Jupiter, sir?"

To which the observatory guy replied, "That is a very good question, but unfortunately, no, they are too dim and thin to be seen from Earth."

Now, had nothing more happened, that would have been the end, and I would still be able to show my face inside the Adler Planetarium Observatory. But no, the specter of human stupidity had to go and raise its silly, stinking, little head.

A lady standing in line behind my family was also very impressed by my question and complimented me for my insight, especially for one so incredibly young as myself. In fact, she expressed some interest as to how old I actually was. To which my uncle replied in a bit of a stage whisper, "Well, actually ma'am he's a forty-two year old midget."

The lady was even more impressed by this fact exclaiming, "Really? I never knew they could be so smart!"

Things went down hill from there. Seeing how impressed everyone was with my question, I wracked my brain to come up with another one, and another one, and another one. The next few questions were not too bad, but eventually, just like with Rock Stars, eventually the good material ran out. The last question I was allowed to ask before being escorted to the telescope then out the door was, "What would happen if I jumped up on that cable and swung around on it?"

As we left, the lady behind us lamented, "Well, I never.... You gotta keep that midget under control!" For the good of all mankind, my mother straightened out the lady on our way out, but the damage had been done. That was my last trip to the Adler Planetarium Observatory.