We like to think that the success of Speleolabs rests on our our reputation for thinking out of the box that the box came in. To illustrate this we are let you have a sneak peak at our plans for 'Hut TV'.

As background, some of you have recently asked what we were recently doing in the Priddy Green Area clutching a couple of ferrets. Whilst we can't tell you everything yet I can reveal that they were in fact top Speleolabs sponsored experimental ferrets which are being used to test the common ferret's ability to do underground photography and cave survey work.

So far results are mixed - ferrets appear very good at squeezes, swimming, going round in circles and so on, but early results show less aptitude for drawing the actual surveys. This has of course not stopped us, because every setback in the world of Speleolabs is of course a challenge in disguise. As a consequence we are currently working on a solution to this in the labs which it involves strapping miniature sonar suits to them and feeding back the results to a waterproof laptop using digital telemetry, as used in Formula 1.

This is part one of our four part gameplan. Part two is where we get to the point where we can release them at the entrance to say, Swildons then retire to the New Inn and watch the results downloaded using wireless technology.

Part three involves dominating the distribution of this realtime cave action. Our project is called "Hut TV" and means that each caving hut in the UK will have a TV integrating ferret technology. Each hut signed up will be assigned a ferret which will receive data and information and transmit it to the hut in realtime using a 'SomerSet Top Box'.

Part four widens the range of channels on offer so we can offer hut visitors a wide range of speleochannels and films on demand. In addition to the live cave channels we are also planning a series of specialist caving channels. So far we've thought of a live 'Speleoshop', 'Dig TV', 'Speleolabs Men and Beards', The Recovery Channel (Sunday morning hangover help), Squeezes From Hell, CNCCTV, CDGTV, 'Live from the Hunters' (a music channel) and 999 starring Michael Buerk. Although we think the last one may have already been done.

All we need is a huge injection of cash. Please give generously.

Hopefully that gives an indication of our ambition. Incidentally it has come to pur attention that the BBC is using the Speleolabs corporate font for its 'Fame Academy' logo. We would like to point out that we were first, and that there is no relationship between Fame Academy & Speleolabs. Hence it will not form one of our speleochannels. Fame Academy is of course the TV programme where a group of young people are stuck in a confined space and expected to use a combination of grim determination, tenacity and mindless optimism to prove the best. Not unlike caving in fact. Hang on, I've had an idea... We get 20 young hopefuls down Daren Cilau and vote for them for the long lonely crawl out. Better still, get a load of well known cavers and run 'Im a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. Can' t fail. It would make great (but dark) television.

In the meantime if anyone sees you in a Speleolabs T Shirt and expects you to launch into an impromptu performance of 'Unchained Melody' we apologise and advise you to address all complaints to Fame Academy, BBC TV Centre, Wood Lane, London W12 8QT.