Day 35-40 (Monday-Easter Saturday)

Well following on from my boredom or stinking thinking last week, it's felt more like

unholy week up until Thursday this week. If anything, my thinking has just got

worse - I've indulged some evil attitudes and bad habits and frankly just felt

reminded of the moving quote from the portrayal of John Newton in the Amazing

Grace film that I saw recently:

"I remember two things very clearly: I am a great

sinner & Christ is a great saviour".

Well the first is true, especially as we are judged

for our hearts & motives not just what we do. But

for the first half of this week, to be honest, I did not

feel the latter. I knew it as an intellectual or

spiritual truth but did not feel it. Mostly I just felt

down. What did I need to do or change?

Well Thursday night was a great pick me up

ready for Good Friday, after a visit to Cardiff

University for another reason, I got along to home-group and found it to be a

chance to be pensive & prayerful before God. Something it was almost like I'd been

avoiding recently. It was good for me and really touched my heart & spirit.

During the prayer & worship time, I had a vision that I'll probably struggle to convey

it in words here, without sounding naff which it was not, but I'll try:

I saw Jesus on the cross. It was the moment when the roman soldiers used a spear

to pierce Christ's side. I saw this happen, the pain for him and the blood that started

to flow from his side. It got stronger as a flow and began to literally pour out; flooding

the ground beneath us. I heard him say: 'It is worth it". The blood continued to pour

out expanded like a flood to cover all the surrounding land. As I was wondering

about this my viewpoint changed to one from space. I saw the cross lifted high

above the Earth which I could see as a whole planet, with Calvary at the apex. I

then began to see the flood of blood continue to expand on a global scale until it

covered the entire planet and the cross was lifted up so high above the Earth that it

made the blood soaked scene appear as a single drop of blood. While I was

wondering about this I heard Jesus say: "It is the Father's heart".

Then suddenly I was back at the local scene at the foot of the cross, standing on the

blood soaked ground as another roman soldier thrust a spear into the same gash in

Jesus' side. Once again I could see the pain this caused him, but this time it looked

like water that flowed out. Once again this got stronger and stronger as a flow until it

pouring out like a flood. It washed away the blood on all the ground around us.

Once again I found my viewpoint changing and I was again out in space looking at

the planet. This time I saw a flood of what looked like water washing the blood-

soaked Earth clean and surrounding it like a flood. Once again the cross was lifted

up impossibly high at the top of the planet. This time the effect was that the water

covering the earth from a high-up cross looked like a single tear.

As I was looking at this scene again, I heard Jesus one more time. This time he

said: "The Father bleeds for this whole world. The Father weeps for all the world".

And with that the vision was over.

It left me so pensive and grateful. Surely no-one is to be trusted like my saviour and

no-one has proved himself to me like my God. Jesus is a great Saviour and I want to

live in that and love this world. Thank you for Lent, Father. It has been worth it.