Sat - September 29, 2007

IS THAT COVERED BY MY HEALTH PLAN?

The Secret Pardon.

Serious illustration by Gimlet. @ Nigel Enterprises

The truth shall set you free.
So too can a large black cat.
If you're a mouse, that is.
As he does on an annual basis, Joe The Cat brought a mouse into our house Wednesday evening. The catch is, the mouse was alive. Another catch: Joe let the mouse free when he lost interest in playing.
There was a live mouse loose in our house.
Yes, there are two terriers living in our house. There are also approximately ten dozen assorted pieces of large furniture, bookcases, stacks of books, assorted artwork, canvases, doodads and geegaws.
It was all Gimlet could do to keep her head from spinning like LInda Blair's in The Exorcist.

We heard the mouse running around throughout the wee hours of Thursday. Up and down the blinds, in one room and out the other, knocking over little relics we didn't remember we had.
Gimlet spent much of Thursday nosing around upended furniture, hot on the knobby feet of a disoriented Joe the Cat refugee.
Why, Joe? What possesses you?
Joe has a secret. He suffers from Mausnhaus Syndrome: the undeniable, unrelenting urge to set live vermin loose in an unsuspecting household.
Mausnhaus Syndrome, discovered by the eminent Jungian catherapist Krazy Kat in the 1920s, is an irascible pathological need for attention by a feline, usually achieved through the release of live vermin in the cat's household.
We're not making this up.
Joe has been dealing with this malady for years. Almost like clockwork, Joe heralds Fall's return with a mouse hunt in the house. Joe then loses house privileges, and is resigned to life as an outdoor cat. It's house arrest of the inverted kind.
Joe the Cat, fearless and expert ratter, rabbiteer, frogger, birder and ducker, is a Mausnhauser. There is no cure.
Joe continues to be our cat, and it is his good feline fortune to live in (but mostly outside of) a home where wire fox terriers patrol for vermin. Joe's habit, as it were, is under terrier control.

Epilogue: The mouse spent a little over 24 hours in our house. By nightfall Thursday, it had come out of its hiding place (a birdhouse shaped like a bee on a Florida room wall), been caught by humans working in concert and then relocated outdoors.



Give to Mausnhaus Syndrome, Inc., a nonprofit, tax-exempt, under- the-IRS-radar, charitable organization dedicated to raising money for rainy days.

Posted at 07:48 PM      

Sun - January 9, 2005

Lost weekend

On the town.

Something a little different for the first blog of the year (that's right, we're just getting around to acknowledging 2005).
Here's a peek at what we saw this weekend:

Friday evening in Dunedin


Photos by Joe the Cat (except where noted)

or is that Thai Town. It may look like a dive, but get a look at what's inside:


Yes, a ceramic urn filled with floating peach roses and petals. They garnish all the dishes with orchid blooms, too.

Saturday afternoon


Photo by Gimlet
Joe the cat decided that since the temperatures had been soaring near 80 all week, it would be cooler to seek shade in the Terrier Temple. Or maybe he was seeking the favors of the Dogs? Could be, he's a wily cat.

The Chattaway in St. Petersburg, Florida

Burgers, fries, onion rings, all that stuff ... and here's the venue:



Sentry duty at our table.


Art and plants everywhere ... even on the way to the rest rooms.


We stopped by the Salvador Dali Museum. Impressive gift shop inside.

Sunday was spent putting some of the holidays away for another year. There went the weekend. They really should be four days.

Posted at 07:25 PM      

Wed - June 16, 2004

A LITTER NIGHT AND DAY MUSIC

The cat's out of the bag.

Good news, folks! One of our favorite pals, the acerbic and on-target Watson, has opened up his own blog.
Try Catsupremeo instead of that regular blog you've been using. You'll find it has a delicious tang, with just a hint of maritime marinara.
The self-styled America's Favorite Housecat, this hep cat of online commentary and narrative form now lets the cat out of the bag on a regular basis from his Alabama base.
Hmmm. Watson and sarcasm .... Alabama. Ooooh, well, there will be plenty for him to say. And don't you forget to say it ... Watson is in top form when he's reacting. He likes nothing better than to see your bon mot and raise it a mot or deux. Don't forget to leave a comment. Let your hair down so his fur can fly.
Welcome to the blogging party, Watty!
--Gimlet, Nigel and Joe the Cat

Posted at 11:44 AM      

Sat - May 1, 2004

‘Ich bin ein Hund‛

Joe the Cat doesn't stand on ceremony ... or rest on laurels.

Photo by Gimlet
Joe the Cat takes a break and buys a round at The Terrier Temple.

Believe it.
Joe the Cat is Dog of the Week at the fabulous mylakelandterrier.com
Can it get any better than that?
Naturally, his mousing merits mention. And ... breaking news ... Joe dispatched two mice within the past twelve hours. (Please don't speculate on just how many mice and rats are in Joe's yard. OK, he has a few. Not as many as your typical metropolitan newsroom, but enough to keep him occupied.) In fact, Joe's rodent body count is three within the past week.
Not bad for a dapper gentleman who insists upon wearing his black velvet tux and orange bow tie to work every day.
Could that be his secret?
True, he is an acquaintance of Jill 's, but Joe the Cat does not seek favors. He is no fawning sycophant. No, Joe the Cat has earned his berth as Dog of the Week. and has terrier aspirations at that.
The Lakeland breed must have high intelligence and savvy. Jill was smart enough to have selected Joe on the basis of his mousing, among other things ... to be awarded such an honor on the basis of merit, rather than favoritism ... Well, kudos to Jill and her wild terrier breed. Not many PHB s display that degree of smarts.
Thank you, Jill the Pill. Every one of Joe's nine lives has been validated.
Now, if he can just manage a pow wow with Nut-Meg ...

Posted at 09:51 AM      

Mon - April 26, 2004

Brother Rat

The ratscallion strikes again.

Photo by Gimlet
Joe the Cat enjoys free-range rat.

Early morning ioe
wants one and all to know
that with the bloom of rodents
he does now glow.

caught himself a rat
in the early a.m.
he looked up and said
"it's me ... or him."

joe the cat is reserved and all that,
a black velvet suit does he wear.
but if you're a rat, you can forget all that.
joe the cat's on a tear.
--nigel

Posted at 08:58 AM      

Mon - April 19, 2004

Forty or fifty winks

Joe the Cat masters the art of the nap

Photo by Gimlet
Joe the Cat enjoys some sunshine and comforter on the back patio.

I have been relishing the last of the mild Florida weather.
Naps on the roof, naps on the tops of cars ... naps in chairs.
It is my solemn duty as a cat to experiment with all forms of napping.
I do my best. I am by no means a pioneer in this art form. The path has been cleared for me by generations of felines.
I carry on their grand tradition of curiosity.
Excuse me, I must return to my work.
-- Joe the Cat

Posted at 09:24 AM      

Fri - April 9, 2004

The Tiger Issue

Tigers in Florida?
Yes. And they have wild tales to tell.

Tabloidy photo-illustration by Joe the Cat

He lives in the urban jungles of Florida, in a remote village by the name of Largo.
His days are spent in search of many-legged beasties that ravage the countryside. Many think them unstoppable.
Tiger Varga knows otherwise.
Tiger is not a wire fox terrier. Nor is he a domesticated feline, used to a life of lapdom and torrents of cream.
Tiger is a predator who always claims his prey.
Joe the Cat landed an exclusive with the stealthy Mr. Varga.
--Nigel

Joe the Cat: Tiger, we are very much alike. We're fellow Floridians of 1995 vintage. and we both enjoy insect sushi.
What are your days like?
Tiger: Well, Joe, my family and I just moved, so my life is more chaotic than it was before. I'll always lived in Largo, but now I have a larger territory to prowl. More windows. My day is one long prowl.
Joe the Cat: What is your favorite prey? your preferred hunting method?
Tiger: I have a volatile relationship with roaches. When I see one, I just love to get on their trail and wait them out. I'm tenacious. I will not leave the hunt until the roach is in my claws. Of course, I have been in therapy for that. Obsessive-compulsive is what the two-leggers call it. But you and I know what I practice is no-holds-barred hunting.
Joe the Cat: The best kind. The only tactic you can take with a roach.
Tiger: True. And now that I've moved into a new area, my territory is much larger. More hunting for me.
Joe the Cat: Along with your hunting prowess, I've heard that you practice a strict health regimen to stay in fighting form ...
Tiger: I practice Catkins. It's a highly-structured dietary method that advocates high fat consumption. It was only last year that I nearly used up one of my nine lives because of bad nutrition. Now I am a hunting machine,
Joe the Cat: Yes, I've heard tales of your slayings.


Photo courtesy of Sarah Says

Gimlet: Let me pop in, Joe the Cat.... Hi, Tiger. I think your name is very cool.
Tiger: Thank you. The name was given to me so I would leave my mark upon the world.
Joe the Cat: And I think you have.
Tiger: Yes, but now I conquer a new world, in another area of Largo. There are so many windows here ... so many new things that claim my attention. People might think that the life of an average cat is routine. But we know that the average cat is not average, and neither are his hunting victories.
Joe the Cat: The lives of a cat are harsh and filled with duty. Thank you for taking time out from your patrol to talk with me.
Tiger: You're very welcome, Joe. I have to go, I see something at the window.

Posted at 08:33 AM      

Sat - March 13, 2004

Joe the cat on a hot green roof

His Sylvan Glade.

Photo by Gimlet
Joe the Cat surveys the catkin carpet on the path leading up to The Terrier Temple.

Why is Joe the Cat on the roof of The Terrier Temple?
Why not? In this weather, it just might be the perfect place to be.
And yet, Joe is taking his chances. There are catkins about ... and abounding.
Catkins. Those spiky little devils that rain from the oak trees each spring and leave us catching our breath, rubbing our eyes and scratching our skin.
We thought that if we considered them bits of chenille, they would be rendered harmless.
Not so.
We are left scratching our heads and behind our ears as to how to get rid of them. There is no way except to pitch in and push them into a trash can. Or maybe we will wait for a good rain.
Somerset Maughan style. But Joe is more of a Roddenberry guy. Or gooseberry.
We'll just let Joe handle things.

Posted at 11:08 PM      

Thu - March 11, 2004

Catering to the masses

Joe the Cat has his whiskers in a twist

I am Joe the Cat.
Nothing wrong with that.
In fact ...
I like it like that.

For what I must say
you may chase me away
but at the end of the day
I will have it my way.

Slobbering glee
at the fall of Ms. Stewart
makes me glad
I'm just a cat
and bored with all that.

at the icon in our homes
the litter is thrown
and thrown
and thrown.
They must remove her
from that throne.

Pefect glee at Ms. Perfect's mistakes
a tasty concoction of spite do they bake.

I am Joe the Cat.
Take that,
you dirty rats.

--Joe the Cat

Posted at 09:19 AM      

Wed - November 5, 2003

Cat Soiree

Joe the Cat has ideas

Photo by Gimlet
Joe the Cat and Smokey relax on the back patio and dream of life in Istanbul.

I can't say I'm surprised by CBS yanking "The Reagans" off the television calendar. They don't have the guts of a cat.
Maybe they did everyone a favor, though. James Brolin as Ronald Reagan? Wow.I don't know how he coaxed wife Barbra Streisand to allow that. She's California's Democratic Party Hostess with the Mostess. Old Nancine would not have been pleased with that bit of casting.
Anyway, Reagans and people like them ... ewww. Why remind people of their era? Big hair, padded shoulders, the feds categorizing catsup as a "vegetable" dish on school menus. The tomato is traditionally regarded as a fruit, thank you very much.

My neighbor Smokey has been hanging around the house lately. His family just doesn't have time for him. He's a bit of a rogue and a unrepentant beggar. And, yes, he's on the dim side, but I can usually tolerate him. At least, for short periods of time.
He's no Russell Crowe.
I've discovered I like cheddar cheese. I forget how the Reagan White House classified that. Probably as a precious metal.
The Reagan White House didn't have the brains of a Smokey Cat.
But they did have the soul of a turnip.
--Joe the Cat

Posted at 09:03 AM      

Tue - October 14, 2003

Catsup

Joe the Cat and his logic

Joe the Cat admires the flowers on his table.

Just a brief note, because cooler temperatures call me outdoors.
I am being besieged by requests for interviews, this being the month of October and me being a large black cat. I don't know what I have to do with Halloween, but it is true that I look spectacular beside a pumpkin.
A question for Watson, America's Favorite Housecat: you said I could take a small head bite of the Daily Dave ... does that mean it's Open Season on him?
Tribby: how did you enjoy catching that mouse? Nothing else like it, is there?
Henry: your say your cat Callie is nuts ... is she certifiable or can she operate a newspaper?
Oh, oh. Gotta rush. Gimlet and Nigel are wondering who's on the computer.
--Joe the Cat

Posted at 09:07 AM