Sat - November 10, 2007

Doggerel would be better ...


What's the mindset behind some dog toys out there?


Illustration by Gimlet
Everything's coming up, Rosie!
That's right, we found a Rosie O'Doggel toy at Muttropolis. Lunch came up. You'd have thought we were all on the BARF diet here.
We are frequent window shoppers at Muttropolis . Our tails wag, our ears perk up... lots of clever goods can be found there. Sometimes they have great sales, secret discounts... good consumerism can be put into practice.
But not this.
The asking price of $15 will not buy you bliss, or a piece of Rosie's mind ... no dog will enjoy this. This is a patently bad idea.
Did Rosie sign on for this? is she getting a piece of this?
We're not biting into it.
Pity the dog whose owner presents one of these as a gift. What can the dog say? "Oh, thank you, I always wanted to bite into a talk show and daytime celebrity. What happened to Rosie's show on MSNBC? What's she up to now? I miss her on 'The View'. That Whoopi ... I don't know. Where's the Whoopi dog toy?"
The Rosie toy only follows a recent trend in designing dog toys for human tastes. Dogs know the value of a good toy, whether it's intended for tugging, tossing or gnawing. We're not impressed with testing the limits of polyfil and polyester. We know value (we'd gorge on bones if we could. That's a purely peasant attitude).
The favored toys at the offices of Mr. Doodles Dog are crocheted ChadsRags foofies, Spots Plush Flower and Ruffians . We're eclectic but we're not pushovers for overpriced geegaws.
The Rosie O'Doggel is an overpriced geegaw ... even if she comes with a bilingual squeaker (she does not, by the way). She squeaks. That doesn't even come close to the real Rosie. The real Rosie cries, rants, is probably bipolar and has a flair for breaking into show tunes.
Beyond the obvious hohumnity of this Rosie toy, we dogs are being taken for a ride by the dog toy industry. Our owners can be easily fooled into thinking that lots of money for an insipid toy translates into indulgence.
It does not.
Indulgence is being taken for a walk on a glorious afternoon, being told we're good walkers, and sitting down with our human family members at an outdoor cafe. Compliments will be served, cookies and coffee offered in small portions. Oh, yes, we dogs recognize true indulgence and it does not come in the form of a squeaky Rosie toy.
If Muttropolis could market dog indulgence, that would be fine by us. Until they do, we'll stick with our simple toys and our family walks, and we'll keep waiting for the dog toy designers to pick up our scent.

Posted at 05:27 PM      

Mon - September 17, 2007

The Play's The Thing


Who's Polly Fiber, and what's she done with my squeaky?


It doesn't get any more serious and full of drama than all caps.
Interior photos by Joe the Cat

That's Conran the stuffed dog reading a book on the artist Stuart Davis. We're not allowed to play with Conran, but we are allowed to read the Stuart Davis book. Figure that one out.

Om.
The sound of one dog playing with a $29 Om ball from Barker & Meowsky, a paw firm .
Omigod. That's right. Twenty-nine dollars for a ball.
Is it worth it? Here's the description:
"The Om Ball is decorated with a pattern inspired by West Indian Tribal embroidery, our Om ball plays the mantra Om when bounced.  Recorded especially for Bodhi by renown kirtan master Bhagavan Das, play becomes meditation!"
It's absolutely zenful what dog toys will fetch.
Which dogs do you know practice zen? Zen is not a dog thing.


Conran is a toy in dog form, but he has not "gone to the dogs"
and never will. He is for people. Here he is wearing a paper
crown. What a sense of humor that guy has.

Then there are what I refer to as "suspect" toys. As in I "suspect" the toy designer and vendors must have lost their minds or don't know anything about dogs.
Do they really think the average dog is interested in a pair of amorous, scantily-clad fowl?

That's a lot of money. You could buy many dozens of free-range eggs for $29.99. Many free-range chickens, too.
Obviously there are no dogs at the helm of Muttropolis . Any dog would rather have a real chicken than a latex chicken. None of it makes any sense. Maybe they should call it Humanopolis.
And where did they find this guy, I wonder?
Someone has a problem.

There are many, many toys here at Mr. Doodles Dog. The curator told me the collection goes back twenty-five years. That's a lot in dog generations. You see all these toys in the basket on the dining room buffet?
Those are just some of the toys I'm not allowed to play with. The private reserve. They're taboo. They're just far enough beyond my reach ..., it's difficult when you have a toy addiction like mine.
But that's another topic.
Most of the time, and with most of the toys here, I am encouraged to play.
These are some of my favorite toys, on the kitchen bed.
The fox is a pillow named Lillian, but there's a goat wearing a fez. That's Mr. Skeffington. My favorite toy is that large plush flower. Best squeaker on the planet. Looks delicate but it's tough. You can toss it in the air, squeak it, chew it ... sleep with it. Great toy for the money.
You can find it at Barker & Meowsky . I admit mine was half the price at HomeGoods.

Can dog toys be history? Of course, and not in the way you're thinking.
Ronald Reagan dog toy from Spitting Image. Made in England. 1985. Bought in England, same year.
Maggie Thatcher dog toy licensed through Spitting Image. Made in China. 1989. Bought in Florida, same year.
Ronnie has been through the dog wars. He's been toyed with, shall we say. Zephyr practiced her ratting techniques with him. He's in retirement now. So is Maggie. For the record, Ronnie is made of better quality latex. Regret? There was a Gorbachev toy the same vintage as Ronnie, but it was given as a gift to a friend. Bet he doesn't have it now.

Look at these boy toys:
Never played with these guys. They've never even had a chance to become "retired." Both were made in China for UrbanOutfitters. I'm only sorry Mr. Doodles Dog didn't buy the Hillary and Bill when they had the chance. Love to have the set. Why is Bush larger than Kerry? That's not an accurate representation. I've heard of revisionist history but revisionist toys?

Wouldn't we all like this to be history? Now they're finding elevated levels of lead in Chinese-made pet toys sold in Wal-Mart . Another good reason to be alert when you're out looking for a new toy to add to the collection. We don't shop at Wal-Mart, but then we have many other places to shop. Others don't have our selection.


Conran, the toy in dog form, and I collaborated on this article. I dream about biting him and determining whether or not he has a squeaker, but I won't tell him that. He's much older than I am and he deserves respect, even though I could reach over and bite him right now.

--Sam.

Posted at 10:01 PM      

©