Jokes

Soviet Jokes

• Chapaev and Petka are being chased accross the field by the White troops. Finally, just before being caught, the come upon a river that marks the demarcation point between White and Red territories. They run in and start swimming, but the going is pretty hard for Chapaev, since he's carrying a large, heavy suitcase.

  -- What's in the suitcase, Vasily Ivanovich? Can't we just let it go?

  -- We can't, Petka, it contains important strategic maps.

  Somehow, through super-human effort they just barely make it accross to safety. Chapaev opens the suitcase and Petka realizes that it's full of potatoes.

-- Vasily Ivanovich, I thought you said there were strategic maps in this suitcase?

-- Of course, Petka, says Chapaev. He takes two potatoes and puts them on the ground. -- The whites are here and we, -- pointing at the other potato -- are here.

• TASS: Yesterday, on the Soviet-Chinese border, Chinese soldiers disguised as peasants opened fire on a peaceful Soviet tractor. Our tractor returned fire, neutralized the intruders, and flew away...

Memorable Quotes

Pre svega, on [Dobrica Ćosić] to nije zaslužio, njegova dostignuća, njegovo mesto u ovom društvu ukazuju na činjenicu ne samo da je našem kolektivu potreban jedan otac, nego i činjenica da taj otac može da bude svako ko je u stanju da bere kukuruz i paprike. Nikola Samardžić

In times of sickness, for the marriage of sons and daughters, at the birth of children, before embarking on a journey, on these and other occasions, people perform various ceremonies. Women in particular perform many vulgar and worthless ceremonies. These types of ceremonies can be performed by all means, but they bear little fruit. Emperor Ashoka, Edict 9, 256 B.C.