Anybody who has visited Bookcrossing at www.bookcrossing.com will recognise how addictive the site becomes. Sadly some members need help  and the Bookcrossingaholics organisation can assist. They are secretive, as one may expect, in order to hide their shameful secret. I managed to tape record a recent meeting in Birmingham and the transcription is below.

Quiet at the back there, can we have some order please?
And you there, with that laptop, GET YOUR HANDS OFF THOSE DAMN KEYS!
I’d like to bring to order this first meeting, if I can,
I’ll keep this brief I know you’ve got a short attention span.

Hi, my name is Steve and I’m an addict, just like you
And that’s the only time tonight you’ll hear a name that’s true
At Bookcrossingaholics, to protect you all from shame
From this point in the meeting we’ll use just your BC name

The minutes will be kept for us by lovely Lucy C,
We won’t be needing her to speak, (too sensible you see).
There is one small formality to get this first part done,
A message here from Jalna, who is sorry she can’t come.

So record keeping organised, apologies been made,
Let’s get down to the point of this, delivering some aid,
To those who’ve lately recognised they can’t do this alone
They’ll never quit the habit while just sitting still at home.

I’ll go in sequence round the group, give each of you a say
Please keep your contribution short, we haven’t got all day

Netstation, it’s been said that wisdom grows along with years
And as an older member here, I’m sure we are all ears
To listen to the pearls that you can cast before these swine,
Whose sad BC addiction is as bad as yours and mine.

Thank you Steve, and may I say I’m honoured to go first
Though not convinced that my addiction really is the worst
I’ve tried, I really have you know, to ration reading time
I’ve given up on writing things, except for those in rhyme

A simple ploy I’m using and which may help others here
Is spending more time in the pub, consuming lots of beer
‘ cause finally when I get home, I’m absolutely p****d
and therefore one whole evening of my BC fix is missed

Well thank you ‘Station, let’s move on and take the next in line
Esther, you have been with us a much, much longer time
I’ll bet that your dependency grows stronger by the day
Can you advise your friends here, is there something you can say?

Yes Steve, I’m sure there’s something I can offer to the group
If only to admit to them the depths to which I’ll stoop
Like ‘Station said, and on this point we cannot disagree
My BC site avoidance’s fuelled by alcohol you see

I’ve bought myself a hip-flask and I’ve filled it up with Gin
and put it on the socket where my Apple Mac plugs in.
Quite naturally it falls to hand before I reach the switch
and once it’s drunk I find that it has scratched my BC itch

Well Esther thank you for your words, I am sure that all agree
A very handy tip, although it wouldn’t work for me.
My substitute’s not alcohol, and some may think it sad
My trick is to set quizzes which will drive the others mad

For while they toil with anagrams, and lust at half-dressed men
The clock ticks on remorselessly until the moment when
With leaden legs and tired eyes they drag themselves to bed
Thankful for a pillow to receive their aching head.

So in this very minor way I trust that I’ve assisted
Some members who left by themselves would never have resisted
The call of that new novel, or the BCUK board
Or freeing TBR books from within their secret hoard.

So fellow addicts, here you’ve heard some useful tricks I trust
To help you fight the problem as we all know that we must
Another meeting’s organised so please ensure you come
When Bookcrossingaholics next meet up again in Brum.