Friend Ships
Boats passing in the night.
I think we don't understand that friendship includes
in it the "usal" clause. In this day of get and get more, where everything comes
with a price higher than the value of the thing, we expect to take more than we
ever expect to give back, and that has become the
standard.
The catch is that I have never considered this "normal" between friends. I never give anything expecting anything in return. What I give, I give freely, of my own volition. Yes, a friend may have to ask me, for I am notorious for missing the obvious, but, once asked and given, it is not my nature to expect returns. I will never ask for the thing back, and in the way of emotion, I never expect the same kind of purity and extent, not because the other person is incapable of it, but because I know that other person has other people with whom they must also share their time and emotions.
Why am I special? Why can I share my emotions so extensively to each person? Maybe I can't, but I believe I do, and it is that faith that makes my form of love so different from others'. I've been told that it is not a matter of faith, that illusions are not the decent basis of faith. I argue, however, that illusions are the entire basis of faith. Looking around at the reality of our world, there are rarely real things worthy of our faith. But, occasionally, there are illusions, unreal forms, that capture our attentions and our trust. Sometimes, it is only a word, like "love," or "God," or "the future." And these things bring forth from us a wellspring of trust and faith because we know, deep within ourselves, that what is real is not worthy of our trust, our faith, not worth the effort it takes to render the real things into illusions.
So, there are times when I use the word, "love," and, each time I do, I am always honest and sincere, because the illusions and faith we place on these words is so great, that to lie would be one of the worst ways of breaking the compact we have between ourselves as people. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not proud or boastful" (1 Corinthians, 13). Yeah, I've read the Bible, and can quote some of it. Certainly doesn't make me a holy man. I wanted to be a preacher once. It didn't work out. But it made me realize just how serious "love" is, as a word.
There are times when I use the word, "God," simply because that is the easiest way to convey the meaning of some benevolent (or, unobtrusive) being with intelligent plans for the people living on this planet. It always bothered me that the Christian "One God" came in three parts, the Trinity (with a capital T), and that most Christians refuse to see how their concept of "Satan" is as a fourth face, or fourth entity, in their religion. Good and evil, and a lot of time is spent discussing the latter, and not enough in praise of the former. Look at the papers- good news doesn't sell; all we want to read about is how many our forces killed, how many died, how many were sent to prison, how many burned. A school's Academic Bowl team could win an amazing victory, but it would not get published until the following week's "Education Day" edition, typically Thursdays around here. But if a teacher hits a student (whether in self-defense or not), you can depend upon it being on the 5:00 news and the front page of the next day's paper, Thursday or not. Good news isn't news.
Funny how they call the New Testament the "Good News." Amazing how easily it is taken for granted, simply because it is good news. "Everyone gets saved!" No one preaches that anymore. It doesn't sell. They preach about the 144,000, the limited spaces available in Heaven. Or, they preach about how this or that behavior will not render you unto the spirit. After reading and reading, I have to come to the conclusion that the Christian Jesus wanted to save everyone, regardless of race, color, creed, or any other silly notions of right or wrong, because that is what we are talking about- these can be saved because they are right. These will never be saved because they are wrong. Religion is all about being racist or sexist or culturist or intellectualist or linguist. Religion is all about hate. Either the restriction of it or the spread of it. And I do mean "restriction." "It's okay to hate these people because they are evil. You can hate evil people and God will still love you." And "these people" are different from you how, exactly? Skin color? Gender? Culture? Intelligence? Language? Yes, I sometimes use the word, "God." It is not always an honorable thing.
Looking at the present, at the problems in the world, personal and global, I can only look to the future for the answers. The future, whether immediate or far-flung, is where my hopes lay. A future where I can change, where the world can change, where people can change. A future where abstract things like "love" and "God" and "the future" can be seen for what they truly are- hope and faith. And, with that in mind, let me tell you where my faith lives. My friends. My students. Myself. These three abide, and in them, my faith abides.
Which brings me to the concept of "friend." I will be blunt. I don't lose friends. I may lose touch. I may not see them or hear from them as frequently as I would like, but I don't lose them. A month might pass, a year, a decade. Time does not exist for me during these lapses. My friendship, my warmth, my love is still there, ready and accepting. You can try to hurt me enough to make me remove these from you, but you can't. My offerings are not based on pain or distraction or temporary things of this nature. My offerings are based on my love, pure and enduring. Once offered, I do not retract it. Take it or leave it is your choice, not mine.
Finally, can a true friendship ever be inappropriate?
So, here is my ship, call it Chaos, floating in the sea of illusions of reality. As it passes you, note the flag of friendship I fly- electric blue on white, my only conception of perfect color balance- ready to come alongside you, not as a pirate, but as a companion, ready, eager to join you in your journey.
The catch is that I have never considered this "normal" between friends. I never give anything expecting anything in return. What I give, I give freely, of my own volition. Yes, a friend may have to ask me, for I am notorious for missing the obvious, but, once asked and given, it is not my nature to expect returns. I will never ask for the thing back, and in the way of emotion, I never expect the same kind of purity and extent, not because the other person is incapable of it, but because I know that other person has other people with whom they must also share their time and emotions.
Why am I special? Why can I share my emotions so extensively to each person? Maybe I can't, but I believe I do, and it is that faith that makes my form of love so different from others'. I've been told that it is not a matter of faith, that illusions are not the decent basis of faith. I argue, however, that illusions are the entire basis of faith. Looking around at the reality of our world, there are rarely real things worthy of our faith. But, occasionally, there are illusions, unreal forms, that capture our attentions and our trust. Sometimes, it is only a word, like "love," or "God," or "the future." And these things bring forth from us a wellspring of trust and faith because we know, deep within ourselves, that what is real is not worthy of our trust, our faith, not worth the effort it takes to render the real things into illusions.
So, there are times when I use the word, "love," and, each time I do, I am always honest and sincere, because the illusions and faith we place on these words is so great, that to lie would be one of the worst ways of breaking the compact we have between ourselves as people. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not proud or boastful" (1 Corinthians, 13). Yeah, I've read the Bible, and can quote some of it. Certainly doesn't make me a holy man. I wanted to be a preacher once. It didn't work out. But it made me realize just how serious "love" is, as a word.
There are times when I use the word, "God," simply because that is the easiest way to convey the meaning of some benevolent (or, unobtrusive) being with intelligent plans for the people living on this planet. It always bothered me that the Christian "One God" came in three parts, the Trinity (with a capital T), and that most Christians refuse to see how their concept of "Satan" is as a fourth face, or fourth entity, in their religion. Good and evil, and a lot of time is spent discussing the latter, and not enough in praise of the former. Look at the papers- good news doesn't sell; all we want to read about is how many our forces killed, how many died, how many were sent to prison, how many burned. A school's Academic Bowl team could win an amazing victory, but it would not get published until the following week's "Education Day" edition, typically Thursdays around here. But if a teacher hits a student (whether in self-defense or not), you can depend upon it being on the 5:00 news and the front page of the next day's paper, Thursday or not. Good news isn't news.
Funny how they call the New Testament the "Good News." Amazing how easily it is taken for granted, simply because it is good news. "Everyone gets saved!" No one preaches that anymore. It doesn't sell. They preach about the 144,000, the limited spaces available in Heaven. Or, they preach about how this or that behavior will not render you unto the spirit. After reading and reading, I have to come to the conclusion that the Christian Jesus wanted to save everyone, regardless of race, color, creed, or any other silly notions of right or wrong, because that is what we are talking about- these can be saved because they are right. These will never be saved because they are wrong. Religion is all about being racist or sexist or culturist or intellectualist or linguist. Religion is all about hate. Either the restriction of it or the spread of it. And I do mean "restriction." "It's okay to hate these people because they are evil. You can hate evil people and God will still love you." And "these people" are different from you how, exactly? Skin color? Gender? Culture? Intelligence? Language? Yes, I sometimes use the word, "God." It is not always an honorable thing.
Looking at the present, at the problems in the world, personal and global, I can only look to the future for the answers. The future, whether immediate or far-flung, is where my hopes lay. A future where I can change, where the world can change, where people can change. A future where abstract things like "love" and "God" and "the future" can be seen for what they truly are- hope and faith. And, with that in mind, let me tell you where my faith lives. My friends. My students. Myself. These three abide, and in them, my faith abides.
Which brings me to the concept of "friend." I will be blunt. I don't lose friends. I may lose touch. I may not see them or hear from them as frequently as I would like, but I don't lose them. A month might pass, a year, a decade. Time does not exist for me during these lapses. My friendship, my warmth, my love is still there, ready and accepting. You can try to hurt me enough to make me remove these from you, but you can't. My offerings are not based on pain or distraction or temporary things of this nature. My offerings are based on my love, pure and enduring. Once offered, I do not retract it. Take it or leave it is your choice, not mine.
Finally, can a true friendship ever be inappropriate?
So, here is my ship, call it Chaos, floating in the sea of illusions of reality. As it passes you, note the flag of friendship I fly- electric blue on white, my only conception of perfect color balance- ready to come alongside you, not as a pirate, but as a companion, ready, eager to join you in your journey.
Posted: Sat - November 27, 2004 at 12:16 PM
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Published On: Mar 02, 2007 07:49 PM
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Published On: Mar 02, 2007 07:49 PM