LordPeter List Literary Contest

Scene. The lounge of the Hotel Resplendent. ANTOINE approaches CHARIS to ask for a dance; she turns away. He persists.

CHARIS

No, sir! I will not dance with a man
Whose face has such a resemblance to..
Well... I will say it.. Ahem! Sir!
You look rather like.. A frog!

ANTOINE (gravely)

Rather.

CHARIS (simpering)

Oh well --

ANTOINE (coolly)

Is that all?

CHARIS (shrugs)

Well, that says it all --

ANTOINE

Oh, hardly!
There is so much more you could have said.
Why not try it another way? For example --
SCIENTIFIC: You resemble a creature
Amphibious, of the family Ranidae. WITTY:
It is so very appropriate that you are a Frenchman!
AGGRESSIVE: My high heel is ready;
I can already hear the squishh! GREEDY:
Waiter, are frog's legs on the menu tonight?
SOCIAL: Was it you I saw hopping over
The tennis nets this afternoon? CAUTIOUS:
Be careful, I see a stork on the prowl!
FRIENDLY: Would you like me to catch a few
Of those flies buzzing around for you? LYRIC:
A mouth as wide as the great Nile is long!
COWARDLY: Eek! Who let that nasty thing in here?
MATERNAL: Oh, my darling little tadpole,
All grown up! APPRECIATIVE: Was it your voice
I heard singing by the village pond last night?
What a crooner! FASHIONABLE: I must have a frock
Just the same shade of green as your skin! Or POETIC:
Is this the face that sunk a thousand lily pads? But no;
You have not the wit or education to say more than,
"He looks like a frog." Let me dance with one who,
If she is not kind, can at least talk piffle.

He holds out his hand to Harriet, who rises. They dance.

-- the glass-blower's cat

Parody of...

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